Wednesday, October 26, 2011

WVFL Week 7 Review

THE NEV-R-WINS 126.86 – PURPLE SWIRLS 85.60

Nobody mention to Caulen that if he had started DeMarco Murray and Antonio Gates, he would’ve scored about 133 points and won this game. He’s already accepted this as a lost season and there’s no reason to pick at the scab. He knows that Ryan Torian had -0.5 points starting in place of Murray.

Related story – I picked up Murray in my other league, and also left his huge day on the bench. But I won that game anyway. Isn’t that just hilarious?

By the way, Caulen seemingly was waiting until Sunday to pick up a kicker to fill in for Akers’ bye. But you can’t pick up players on Sunday or Monday, so if this game was closer, it would’ve been interesting to see how frustrated Caulen got by the roster freeze.

Hey, how about that Arian Foster? He sure is something, isn’t he?

BROOKLINE MCKENRY FORT 85.94 – THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW 63.84

What can even be said about the Elbow at this point? Yahoo only projected 41 points for the entire TEAM. They projected 0.12 points for Carson Palmer, the starting quarterback. Caulen Kress’ problem is leaving big points on the bench and facing great opponents each week. Nathan Kress’ problem is that all of the good players are on other teams.

Congrats, Brookline. You beat a guy in a wheelchair in a race uphill.

HACKS 91.26 – LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 57.24

All it took was a little self-loathing for the Hacks to finally get it in gear. That and playing a patsy of a playing partner. Cam Newton is responsible for all of the Panthers offense this year, and he was responsible for about 45% of the All Stars’ offense this week. At least Moss and Graham were able to contribute 2.8 points before going down with injuries.

Didn’t Anquan Boldin used to be good or something?

IRON CITY POUNDERS 95.12 – FIREROCK ROCKERS 57.12

No big deal, just another total upset I called. No big deal. Sure, Firerock being decimated by bye weeks helped, but whatever. Tashard Choice had -1.2 points, which is pretty astounding for a running back. And Roy Helu didn’t have enough points for the famed Choice-Helu combo to even reach 0. Two losses in a row for the Rockers now. Could the fact that they still use last year’s slogan, ONLY WAY IS UP?, be negatively affecting the team?

ST. A’S CRUSADERS 126.34 – DEATHFROMABOVE 83.64

Oooh, look at the Crusaders beating every team except me! Soooooo tough! Marques Colston had 21 points this week, which means he won’t break 6 for the next month. Which…probably just means more points for Jimmy Graham, actually.

Allow me to be the first person in the country to observe that Chris Johnson is utterly useless right now.

ATLAS SHRUGGZ 95.52 – WHIZ-BANG GANG 64.30

I’m not sure what to say about a team that rosters two defenses, but starts the one that has a bye week. Especially when they started a kicker in Week 1 who doesn’t have an NFL job. By the way, the team in question, WBG, is one game ahead of the Swirls in the standings.

Roy Williams had his best game of the year over in London. Maybe because the fans weren’t expecting as much? Also, Michael Turner still sucks.

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