THE NEV-R-WINS 89.86 – FIREROCK ROCKERS 79.16
I was flipping through the games on Sunday – as is my right as a Sunday Ticket subscriber – and as I went back to the Minnesota game, I saw Adrian Peterson being helped off the field while being supported by two trainers. It was not a good feeling. I own Peterson in both of my leagues and by the time he reached the sidelines, I mentally played out eight different scenarios about what this meant for me. None of them were positive.
But great teams dig down deep and get the job done, even in the face of adversity. Peterson went down, Greg Jennings missed most of the game with a bruise, Maurice Morris got benched against a horrible defense. That’s when recent arrival Nate Washington said, “Guys, me and Jake Locker got this.” I said, “Nate, it’s actually ‘Jake Locker and I’.” He said, “Boom, two TDs. Done.”
Then Brady finished it off by heroically throwing touchdowns against a injury-riddled Chiefs defense. It was a great moment for all.
Except for maybe the Rockers, but they don’t write this piece, so who cares about them? They are on the exact same arc as the Buffalo Bills, which is probably related to starting two Bills each week.
HACKS 82.80 – THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW 77.76
The Elbow started Kevin Walter even though he was on a bye (and not that good during game weeks), and the Hacks squeaked (squoke?) by with a 5-point win. I am now hoping extremely hard that the Hacks clinch the #6 seed and keep the Swirls out of the playoffs. At which point I will remind Caulen of this game, just to make Christmas dinner interesting.
Hacks, congrats on scoring the 2nd-fewest points this week and winning. You guys just find a way to get a win. Much like a Tim Tebow who is entirely responsible for that 0 Eric Decker posted for you.
ST. A’S CRUSADERS 110.86 – LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 96.30
Jor-dy! Nel-son! (clap, clap, clap clap clap!) 24 points for White Lightning this week, who said earlier that he thinks defenses don’t respect him enough because he’s white. Side note: Defenses don’t respect Toby Gerhart because he’s white AND terrible.
Ray Rice is the goal line back in Baltimore, which ups his value tremendously. If you don’t believe me, look at the 26 points he scored on the strength of a pair of 2-yard carries. The Crusaders can even start a kicker on his bye week as a little dose on showmanship and still come out on top.
The All Stars had a huge week, which is unfortunate for them. They’re now about 100 points ahead of the Elbow for the #1 overall pick tiebreaker. Bad management by them right now. Maybe no need to play a full roster each week in these next two games.
IRON CITY POUNDERS 97.84 – WHIZ-BANG GANG 96.96
So…in our other league, Larry owns Gronkmonster, who led Larry to a stunning comeback win, helping his playoff chances. In this league, Larry went against Gronkmonster, who led the Pounders to a stunning comeback win, putting a serious dent in Larry’s WVFL playoff chances. Though…just this week he begged to be knocked out of the WVFL playoff race, so…win-win, I guess. Now they won’t have to rely on Javon Ringer, Dexter McCluster and Kregg Lumpkin in a Wild Card game.
Pounders got a 0 from David Nelson, and -0.2 from Willis McGahee (on the bench, but still bad karma). And yet here they are, right in the thick of the playoff hunt.
BROOKLINE MCKENRY FORT 126.28 – DEATHFROMABOVE 94.18
Look who’s coming alive at just the right time with a 3-game winning streak! And over 100 points each week, too! Didn’t Skip Henry win this whole league like 3 years ago? Sure, they have 200 points fewer than the Swirls. Sure, their QB is Alex Smith. Sure, Torrey Smith either scores 27 or 2.7. Sure, Michael Bush is going to lose all of his carries once McFadden is back. But you can’t deny that Skip Henry magic!
A win this week would’ve juuuuuuust about given DFA a guaranteed playoff spot, but it was not to be. But when recent pickup Lance Ball is your best running back, and he only has 4 points, and you have Chris Johnson on your roster, well…you’re going to have a tough time making the playoffs.
PURPLE SWIRLS 113.10 – ATLAS SHRUGGZ 92.60
The playoff dream lives on for at least another week. Hilariously, the decision to start Matt Moore and exorcise the QB demons paid off beautifully, with Moore post 18 points in his best game of the season. The Niner defense, Gates, Steve Smith…it was all working. Didn’t even matter that Denarius Moore followed up a 20-point game with 1.7. This is your chance, Swirls!
What the hell happened to the Giants on Sunday night? The Shruggz sure could’ve used more points out of Nicks and Manningham. And more points out of Shonn Greene. Problem there is, Shonn Greene suuuuuuuuuucks.