Sunday, December 11, 2011

Caulen's WVFL Wild Card Preview

Playoff Preview Week 1 & End of Season Notes

Fellow WVFL GMs, I wanted to take this opening paragraph to thank you all (or at least most of you) for competing this season. It’s definitely been one of the more memorable fantasy seasons, and I can only hope that future seasons are as fun and frankly, as just as this 2011 season. So, without further ado, let’s get into the playoff preview!

Bye teams:
St. A’s Crusaders (10-3, 1533.54 points)
Purple Swirls (5-8, 1459.92 points)
Firerock Rockers (8-5, 1449.86 points)

Starting at the top, St. A’s has dominated all season, starting off 4-0 and putting up points like Steve Jobs (RIP) at a keynote address. Looking up and down the roster, it’s clear Father Fucci and the St. A’s franchise values a few traits above all else: athletic, god-fearing and white. You have Roethlisberger and spiritual advisor/placekick holder Tim Tebow throwing those sweet Hail Mary’s to football’s own White Chocolate - Jordy Nelson. A banged up DMC has the bye to get healthy, and Jimmy Graham will surely put up another 100 yards and a score even though he’s sitting in the virtual game. One disturbing trend that St. A’s will hope to avoid though: Won 4, lost 1, won 3, lost 1, won 2, lost 1, won 1. That looks awfully familiar to someone who has been known to not change the station when the latest incarnation of Are You Smarter Than a ____ comes on.

Next up we have my very own Purple Swirls. Don’t be fooled by the record, folks. This is a playoff team. Wait a second.... the hell? The Yahoo system must have glitched big time on this one! Well, I’ll just write to them and we’ll get this all squared away for next round.

The third bye belongs to last seasons door mat, Firerock Rockers. Congratulations on a well-deserved turnaround. This team could rename themselves the Victor Cruz Steak Dinners and attendance would still be down though. And who knew the oompa loompa still had it in him? Looking at this roster, it’s even clearer to me that this season has been all about matchups.

Speaking of which, I did a little research to dive deeper into this wacky season. I went through and pitted the Purple Swirls against every team each week to see what my record would have been if I had played everyone instead of whichever team happened to have a career week against me at the time. The results against your playoff teams? Glad you asked:
vs. St A’s: 6-7vs. IC Pounders: 9-4
vs. Firerock: 5-8vs. Atlas Shruggz: 7-6
vs. Nev-R-Wins: 9-4vs. DFA: 9-4

So it’s clear the bye teams are deserving. After that?

DFA (4) vs. IC Pounders (5)
This matchup basically comes down to which Chris Johnson shows up. The bad news is Tennessee will probably be playing from behind all day. The good news is CJ has rushed for over 150 the last two weeks. The bad bad news is they were against shitty teams. That a team that finished 6 spots ahead of me is starting Dougie Baldwin in a playoff game is enough to send me reaching for another fistful of Tums. The Pounders will likely get 50 points combined out of Gronk and the Steelers D, and jesus, it’s 2011 and we’re all expecting Lynch and McGahee to run wild yet again. Matt Ryan has been a tough roster all year and I’m expecting that to be the ultimate downfall against superior opponents. Luckily for Phil, DFA isn’t one of them.
IC Pounders 120.34 - DFA 102.59

Nev-R-Wins (3) vs. Atlas Shruggz (6)
Adrian Peterson is the obvious lede here, and being that I’ve made my point in this preview already, I’ll hit it right off the tee to get this over with faster. If he plays and plays All Day, Krogmann will be listening to something a little more upbeat than The Decembrists on Spotify come next Tuesday. Foster is unstoppable, Brady will toy with the Skins, and without having looked at any numbers I’ll just assume Jennings has had a great year and will continue to benefit from having Brent as his QB. On the other side of the ball, let’s face it: Atlas feels like Creighton at the Elite Eight. Great story, but not even his mom (my aunt) would bet on him if Rivers Casino were handing out free chips. Though if Detroit dominates Minnesota things could get interesting. I’m predicting a big week from Shonn Greene, but I’ve been cutting and pasting that statement all season to no avail.
Nev-R-Wins 105.86 - Atlas Shruggz 95.98

I didn’t forget about all of the other non-playoff teams. In fact, I compiled my stats vs them as well!

vs. B'Line: 10-3
vs. Hacks: 9-4
vs. Whiz Bang: 10-3
vs. Lowcountry: 11-2
vs. People's Elbow: 13-0

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