Wednesday, December 7, 2011

WVFL Week 13 Review

THIS WEEK: 3-3

SEASON: 55-23

TWO SEASON TOTAL: 109-52

ATLAS SHRUGGZ 125.22 – THE NEV-R-WINS 101.26

Once again, I am limping into the postseason. I’m turning into a real Mr. November, like Tony Romo. Peterson didn’t play, Nate Washington got hurt during the game, Maclin is still out and Earl Bennett didn’t go to college with Caleb Hanie, so Hanie never throws to him.

This win got the Shruggz out of that 4-way log jam and into the playoffs, so kudos to them. Matt Stafford managed 24 points in a loss, Michael Crabtree caught a 50-yard touchdown pass and Shonn Fucking Green had twenty-fucking-nine points. I feel like none of these things will happen two weeks in a row, so whoever draws the Shruggz in the first round might catch a nice break.

Oh, would you look at that…

DEATHFROMABOVE 124.86 – THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW 62.22

The Elbow clinched the #1 overall pick by letting DFA double up on their score. The Elbow also clinched being the only team to not break 1000 points on the season. In fact, they had 150 points fewer than the league’s other shit brickhouse, the All Stars. And if that’s not enough for you, the Elbow had the 2nd-fewest Points Against this season, so with any semblance of a roster (like, say, the one the Swirls had), they could’ve probably been 12-1.

(STATISTICAL ODDITY SIDENOTE: The teams with the two fewest Points Against totals and the two highest Points Against totals – Hacks, Elbow, WBG, Swirls – all missed the playoffs.)

The Elbow also had the fewest points scored last year, so it’s safe to assume that Marla has taken to wearing a paper bag over her head on Sundays, like a Saints fan in the ‘80s.

Chris Johnson is returning to usefulness at just the right time for DFA.

LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 114.76 – BROOKLINE MCKENRY FORT 95.16

The MK called upset of the week special! Cam Newton had 38 points and Percy Harvin had 34. No other All Star had more than 9. Lowcountry scored their highest total of the year, and with one weird game knocked Brookline out of the playoffs and themselves out of the #1 pick spot.

Hey, nobody tell Scott Henry that if he had started Pierre Garcon (32 points) over Plaxico (3 points) that he would’ve made the playoffs. He probably already knows.

IRON CITY POUNDERS 129.88 – PURPLE SWIRLS 111.38

The Pounders, a team that had 160 points fewer than the Swirls, the only team in the league to lose to both the All Stars and the Elbow, are in the playoffs. The Swirls are not. Brees and McCoy tried their best, but apparently there is no way in the world to stop Marshawn Lynch and Gronkowski these days. Even Matt Forte blowing out his knee 5 minutes into the game couldn’t stop the Pounders from rolling into the playoffs.

(SCHEDULING ODDITY SEPARATE SIDENOTE: I just analyzed the schedule. If the Swirls played the schedule the Elbow had – with no changes in weekly point total – the Swirls would’ve gone 8-5 and made the playoffs.)

The Swirls only got 10 combined points out of Laurent Robinson and DeMarco Murray, and the Swirls missing the playoffs with a loaded rosters because their Cowboys let them down is probably very symbolic.

ST. A’S CRUSADERS 109.94 – HACKS 95.46

Last year’s almost-MVP, Philip Rivers, is going to miss the 2011 playoffs in both the NFL and WVFL. Weird year for a guy who’s supposed to be good.

All hail the Crusaders, our league’s #1 seed.

What else is to be said about this game, really?

FIREROCK ROCKERS 131.68 – WHIZ-BANG GANG 106.76

Last year, the Rockers went 2-11. They kept 5 players from that team for some reason. Stevie Johnson was down this year, as was MJD, and Jahvid Best got hurt. Instead of having the first overall pick this season as they deserved, they got boned by our weird keeper draft settings debacle. So instead of getting Greg Jennings with their first pick, they got Eli Manning.

And despite all that, their big win this week clinched them a first round bye. It’s a true rags-to-riches story that could only be possible in America. Not modern America, 1962 America, I mean.

Aaron Rodgers was totally wasted on this WBG team. They should not keep him this summer. They should let him go to a good team, where he belongs.

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