LAST WEEK: 2-4
Oof. One of my worst weeks ever. Cheating on you guys by writing previews for my other league is really taking a toll. I'm not paying attention, missing picks...meanwhile, my picks went 4-2 over there in Week 1 and I'm giving them my best jokes.
Maybe we just need some time apart. Separate vacations or something.
THE NEV-R-WINS (1-0) vs. WHIZ BANG GANG (1-0)
Boy. Yahoo sure was blowing the WBG this week. 120 projected points? Soooooo intimidating! So where's your golden god now, boy? Only 11 points for Rodgers? And Yahoo is being awfully generous with your backs. More than 13 points for Bradshaw, Ridley, AND Jackson. I think I've identified the problem. Those guys are not that good.
Hopefully Garcon is healthy enough to play on Sunday, because I really don't feel like buying a lottery ticket between Kendall Hunter and Jacquizz Rodgers. Let me just play guys that I know will be good. Which is all of my guys, all of the time.
By the way, I picked up the Toyota blowout win trophy. Mantle is getting full with all the trophies I'm winning this season.
THE PICK: THE NEV-R-WINS 110 - WHIZ BANG GANG 95
THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW (0-1) vs. HACKS (1-0)
I know Nate was disappointed in his awful, awful, awful performance last week, but not as disappointed as I was. I really thought it was going to be his year. But now, like the actual Pirates, it looks like another year of sucking up the juice at the bottom of the barrel.
On the other hand, Hacks look even worse. Much worse. Justin Blackmon? Mike Williams? Trent Richardson? Gross, bro. Totally gross.
It's just a shame that somebody actually has to win this game.
THE PICK: THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 77 - HACKS 71
ZOLTAN'S ZEROS (1-0) vs ST. A'S CRUSADERS (0-1)
This is a first. Having negative points for 3 days? Yeah, definitely a first. And frankly, it could've been worse. The backwards pass that Jones caught to lose 1 yard (and 0.10 points) easily could've been fumbled and cost him -2.1. I'm sure the Crusaders yelled at Jones just as much as Rodgers did after Jones adjusted his route to run directly behind the defender. Quality route running right there.
On the other side, it might be time to change our league rules if Jay Cutler could play like that and still manage 6 points. Between him and Bush, Zoltan burned 2 roster spots on 5 points. That's not going to be enough. The Crusaders will get back in the black in short order and even up these season records.
THE PICK: ST. A'S CRUSADERS 101 - ZOLTAN'S ZEROS 80
ATLAS SHRUGGZ (0-1) vs. FIREROCK ROCKERS (0-1)
Look at this Shruggz team. Look at it! Ronnie Brown! Brandon Gibson! Shonn Greene! I couldn't put together a worse team if I was intentionally drafting a terrible team for somebody I hated.
Spiller, Jones-Drew and Bush are all going to get loose for nice games, and if Wallace and Cruz can actually get connected this week, they'll make up for Marshall's Thursday night flop. Though in fairness to Marshall, he was doubled team all night, the first time that has ever happened to a good receiver. There's simply no way to beat it! No way to adjust!
THE PICK: FIREROCK ROCKERS 103 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 70
IRON CITY POUNDERS (1-0) vs. PURPLE SWIRLS (0-1)
Randall Cobb is the quintessential Caulen pick up. He's young, undersized, the 4th option on his team, wears an odd number and is now getting pitches and backwards swing passes from a high school style wing formation. Sure, Cobb only had 4.8 points and this league doesn't have a salary cap, but he's still a great value pick!
And besides, he's probably still going to outscore Heyward-Bey this week. This whole game is set up for the Pounders to pull it off. Cobb's flop, Brees on the road in Carolina which is always tough for him, McCoy facing a stout Ravens defense, Andy Reid hating to call run plays for one of the best backs in the league, Matt Ryan playing in another shootout, Eric Decker in that same shootout with Atlanta missing a corner, the Pats defense facing Kevin Kolb...and yet...
And yet I'm looking at Donald Brown, DHB, and Robert Meachem.
Somebody is getting royally boned in this one after they put up 100+, enough to beat 7 other teams...but not this week's opponent. And that somebody is...
THE PICK: PURPLE SWIRLS 110 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 107
DEATHFROMABOVE (0-1) vs. LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS (1-0)
From worst to first! The All Stars rollllllled through last week and are looking to go 2-0 since...hmm. Might be their first time ever. I'm not even sure the new All Stars have even won 2 in a row at any point in any season.
Romo will throw a crucial late pick in Seattle (his 2nd of the day), Chris Johnson blows, Kevin Ogletree had his good game for the season and Jermichael Dropsley couldn't even manage a single point. And even though Jordy and Forte were semi-disappointing, BJGE and Cam will more than pick up the slack.
THE PICK: LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 91 - DEATHFROMABOVE 80