LAST WEEK: 5-1
I'm back, baby! Picks-wise. Comedically, this is going to be an off week.
YOU: "Comedically, they're all off weeks!"
ME: "Hey, fuck off, square pants."
This week at work was the anti-tits as I wore myself out launching two projects that absolutely nobody will care about by Thanksgiving. You want to solve Middle East tensions? Give everybody over there soul-crushing marketing jobs they all need to pay their mortgage. No time or energy left for protesting or firebombing. Fool proof plan.
Anyway, the quick hitter picks. I'm making these picks faster than you move trying to clear your browser history when you hear your wife's car in the driveway.
THE NEV-R-WINS (3-0) vs. LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS (2-1)
My goal this year is to go undefeated and win the title. Tom Brady is gonna finish what he couldn't in 2008.
THE PICK: THE NEV-R-WINS 131 - LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 105
THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW (1-2) vs. ATLAS SHRUGGZ (0-3)
It's not my job to run other guys' teams, but...NATE! HAKEEM NICKS WILL NOT PLAY THIS WEEK EITHER!
THE PICK: THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 101 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 71
ZOLTAN'S ZEROS (2-1) vs. IRON CITY POUNDERS (2-1)
Zoltan has three quarterbacks, all of whom are totally mediocre and totally interchangeable.
THE PICK: IRON CITY POUNDERS 91 - ZOLTAN'S ZEROS 75
HACKS (2-1) vs. FIREROCK ROCKERS (2-1)
If we know anything about TK, besides that he is outstanding, it's that he's always involved in the Toyota Blowout of the Week.
THE PICK: FIREROCK ROCKERS 95 - HACKS 60
ST. A'S CRUSADERS (2-1) vs. WHIZ-BANG GANG (1-2)
THE PICK: WHIZ-BANG GANG 107 - ST. A'S CRUSADERS 94
DEATHFROMABOVE (0-3) vs. PURPLE SWIRLS (1-2)
I just want to eat half a piece of shitty Cheesecake Factory cheesecake and go to bed. I'm so American.
THE PICK: PURPLE SWIRLS 109 - DEATHFROMABOVE 77