Tuesday, October 30, 2012

AFFL Week 8 Review

Did you notice the Steelers' first play this Sunday? It was a fake WR screen, and when the Redskins pounced on it - having seen 25 other screens on game tape - Heath Miller slipped up field for a wide open reception. Todd Haley spent 7 weeks building up to that, like Mozart slowly building to a crescendo.

The smartest 22-yard gain in NFL history.


ISIS 94.2 - CHEST ROCKWELL 78.7
I'm now 3-5, and in my 3 wins, I had the highest total of the week. In one of those wins, I had the highest total of the season. I don't know what that means, but if ISIS was a real team, it would provide for 100 hours of sports talk radio fodder a week. I keep putting myself right in that sweet spot where I'm not good enough to win the title, not bad enough to secure a high draft pick.

We all knew Larry Fitzgerald wasn't going to score 21 points with John Skelton throwing last night, but when he semi-concussed himself on the grass early last night, that basically sealed the deal. Listening to NFL announcers talk about the league's "concussion protocol" when a guy gets hurt these days is like listening to a BP spokesman discuss the company's "commitment to the environment" as we see underwater-cam footage of a broken pipeline spilling out the middle of the Earth. The spin is both hilarious and pathetic.

By the way, I predicted 15 points for Willis McGahee this week, but there must've have been some static interference on my psychic radio waves. He actually scored 20...which is 15 more than Calvin Johnson had. More on that in a scoche.


OUT FOR REVENGE 87.8 - ANIMAL HOUSE 67.4
When asked after the game why Jamaal Charles only had 5 carries, Romeo Crennel said that was something he would like to know as well. Did he just accidentally give us a ton of insight into bad coaches? For bad coaches like Romeo, is coaching like hosting a Super Bowl party? Like, you get so distracted with conversations and keeping track of everything that all of a sudden you look up and it's midway through the 3rd quarter?

Now, as far as fantasy coaching is concerned, why would you bench Brandon Lloyd against the Rams? Not that Animal House would've won anyway, but why even do it? Is it because the game was in London and Brandon Lloyd is black? That is the only possible explanation I can think of, and that makes NO sense, bro. They have black people in London.

Trent Richardson was at full power for Cleveland as it turned out, and those preseason predictions for Thomas and Decker with Manning are actually panning out. I must say in fairness, and to save you an anonymous blog comment, that this was one of my worst game predictions of the season. Animal House wins 101-55? Yeah, not quite.


THE KNIGHT WHO SAYS NI 73.2 - SIGMUND AND THE SEA MONSTER 50
But THIS one I was dead straight on. The Knight did not get Justin Blackmon into the starting lineup, which means the trade with Scott was a total sham, as we all expected. But it did not affect the outcome, as Ben had a great game and the other Knights were solid all around.

Ryan Tannehill getting hurt is not Timmy's fault (not that we can prove, anyway), but why are you benching Jon Dwyer against a bad defense? Guy comes in last week, runs hard, looks good, gets another start against a bad team, and you bench him for Brian Hartline? Bad Idea Jeans, man.


TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 60 - ABBADABBA'S 53.7
Sometimes an NFL game where the over/under is like 58 ends up being 17-14, and that's basically what happened here. The fact that two of the AFFL's "best" teams evacuated such wet turds this week really speaks to the "quality" of the AFFL. Mighty powers Roddy White, DeSean Jackson, and Victor Cruz combined for 12 points. I wonder if the Redskins receivers dropped 10 points worth of Griffin passes. There was at least one dropped TD, so that's 4 right there.

As for Scott, we know Jennings isn't playing and Welker only scored 4.8. How the Patriots didn't force feed a stocky white guy named Wesley to help grow the game in England is beyond me. In short, if it wasn't for Adrian Peterson, Scott would've lost this game. He's totally worth those 2 first rounders, guy! Straight up paying for himself.


THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 88.2 - MR. RODGERS NEIGHBORHOOD 85
MRN flat out wins this game if they didn't trade McGahee for Calvin. 4.6 points, Cal? Come on! Now instead of having the division lead at 5-3, MRN is in that 4-4 logjam for the final two playoff spots. I'm sure Michael Crabtree's big, fat 20 on the bench with Felix Jones' 6 in the lineup does not soothe the pain. In fact, get this, it probably makes it worse! A 26-point effort from the athletically gifted but socially retarded Rob Gronkowski, wasted.

Larry is also 4-4, albeit with 70 points fewer than MRN. In fact, he has the 4th-fewest points in the league, setting off a lot of fraud alarms. Actually, I take that back. I'm sure Doug Martin will continue to score 33 points a week. Nice 4-point week, Eli. Didn't your team win?


THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 80.6 - MOTHER OF DRAGONS 72.7
How much credit do I get for predicting this one would be TKSMB 85 - MOD 70? I know how much credit I'll be taking - A TON. 

At 4-4, but technically leading the division because he beat MRN once, Gary is shifting to win now mode. He wants good RBs or WRs that can take the roster spots of guys like, say, Kyle Rudolph. And, perhaps, Ahmad Bradshaw. Also, comma, why does Gary have only 7 fewer Points For than Bri, but a 4-4 record compared to Bri's 7-1 mark? Because bullshit, that is why.

It was obvious that Vincent Jackson wouldn't do anything one week after putting up 200 yards and 2 TDs, but only 4 points? And the Chargers hold the Browns to 7 points, but only get 5 DST points? How did Gary lose this game again?

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