Saturday, October 13, 2012

WVFL Week 6 Preview

LAST WEEK: 3-3
SEASON: 19-11

THE NEV-R-WINS (5-0) vs. ATLAS SHRUGGZ (2-3)
The undefeated dream lives to die another day! Just so you all know, I am FULLY aiming to go undefeated this season, win the title and possibly retire from the WVFL as the greatest all time champion in history. Yes, I am at mile 9 of a marathon and already planning where I'll keep my gold medal. What could possibly go wrong?!

Although I would've much preferred Tomlin punting at the end of the game rather than trying Suisham's career long, leaving Tennesse with hardly any ground to cover and plenty of time to do so, I guess I'll take the extra points for Bironas. And Jared Cook made the big 3rd down catch (somehow running away from James Harrison, who rivals Nnamdi Asomugha in coverage), giving me a few more points.

Atlas is probably distracted by this weekend's release of Atlas Shrugged II: Why Didn't Anybody Watch The First One? God, does that movie look terrible. I know the source material rivals Battlefield: Earth, but my goodness.

Also, starting Brandon Gibson, Jeremy Kerley, and Shonn Greene and thinking you can win is like thinking you can cut the base tax rate by 20% and just "close loopholes" to make up the difference.

THE PICK: THE NEV-R-WINS 101 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 80


THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW (2-3) vs. DEATHFROMABOVE (0-5)
Wasn't DFA really good like...only a couple of years ago? What happened to this team?

Side note: As I've mentioned several times, I'm in two different fantasy leagues. And both of them feature teams starting Josh Gordon this week. I don't know what this says about my life, but it can't be a net positive.

On records alone, this matchup seems like a good chance for the Elbow to get back to .500 and premature playoff chatter, but don't you think Gordon and Sidney Rice are gonna combine for about 8 points? Nicks is still dinged up, Dez Bryant is useless, and somebody on this DFA roster is going to go crazy this week.

Hell, I'm calling it.

UPSET ALERT! (At least Nate can take pride in the fact that him losing a game can finally be considered an upset)

THE PICK: DEATHFROMABOVE 89 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 86


ZOLTAN'S ZEROS (3-2) vs. LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS (2-3)
Ah, the annual Marlin Collingwood Bowl! As always, the winner receives an all-expenses paid business trip to Alexandria, VA.

A few weeks back, Webster pinged me to say it was time to start showing the All Stars a little respect in the picks column. Since then, they've dropped three straight. Now, I'm used to being so far ahead of the curve that my views are criticized until others catch up to me. But I hope this proves once and for all the titanic, galactic, karmic power of these picks. If I say you suck, you suck. It's not my fault, it's your fault.

Although...Web was forced to start Ike Redman because of bye weeks, and that worked out pretty well. Especially when you consider that Skip Henry had Mendenhall, who got hurt after just 1.7 points. And Antonio "Bubble Screen" Brown only had 2 points. Two positions burned and just 3.7 points out of it? Plus Ryan Fitzpatrick and Danny Woodhead in the starting lineup? Even with 10+ years in the PR game, Scott can't spin this one.

THE PICK: LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 85 - ZOLTAN'S ZEROS 71


HACKS (3-2) vs. ST. A'S CRUSADERS (2-3)
This one here could give somebody control of the Weegie Thompson division, which is vastly inferior compared to the Bam Morris division. Like 2012 AFC v. NFC inferior.

The Crusaders seems to be suffering from a championship hangover, giving up the most points so far this season. I'm sure Vick Ballard is just the sparkplug they need to get going. And while the Crusaders are rolling 2 of the top 3 fantasy backs (preseason rankings division), the Hacks are countering with the ever more common 2 TE set. Now, I know there are not that many good tight ends in the NFL OR the WVFL, so I don't know where this trend is coming from. But I guess when bye weeks mean your only other option is Daryl Richardson, you go 2 tight ends. Too bad an injury and WVFL roster settings prevent the Hacks from starting Aaron Hernandez, or they could go 3 TE.

By the way, not to recycle material from my other league preview, but if you just traded Ben for Matt Cassel and made no other changes, the Chiefs would be 12-4.

THE PICK: ST. A'S CRUSADERS 121 - HACKS 91


IRON CITY POUNDERS (2-3) vs. WHIZ-BANG GANG (3-2)
You know, if American consumers and voters were half as optimistic as American fantasy football owners, Obama would be cruising to victory as people said things like, "The economy is going to turn around in 2013 because a new company like Apple will emerge after inventing something that's awesome." I mean...the optimism required to start LaRod Stephens-Howling, a 4th-string, 3rd-down back on a bad offense behind a terrible offensive line who isn't even started despite two injuries at his position? My fellow Americans, that is the extremely hopeful attitude we need to turn this country around!

Yahoo! has this pegged as a .04 point victory for the Pounders. Of course, they're also predicting 22 points for Michael Vick this week.

THE PICK: WHIZ-BANG GANG 105 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 94


FIREROCK ROCKERS (4-1) vs. PURPLE SWIRLS (2-3)
Facebook tells me that Caulen got married or something this week? Or maybe just finally updated his marital status? This was accompanied by a picture that made it look like they got married at a Pirates game or something. I really don't know what's going on here. But if it's true, a nice wedding gift would be for TK to bench the rest of his roster and let Caulen have a win this week. He would appreciate that much more than a toaster oven, I'm sure. Toaster ovens don't even make good toast!

Too bad he's probably not getting that win.

THE PICK: FIREROCK ROCKERS 101 - PURPLE SWIRLS 88

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