Gary semi-complained to me yesterday, "I can’t believe no one made a single comment about our trade – how often do you see a 5 player, 2 draft pick trade that helps both sides?""I still can’t figure out if I got screwed or not."
So I guess Gary wants you all to chime in and determine whether he got screwed or not.
ISIS (3-6) vs. SIGMUND AND THE SEA MONSTERS (3-6)
All I know is, I go into 2013 with AJ Green, Darren McFadden, two first round picks, and five picks in the first three rounds. As for this week, I already have a Rashad Jennings flop on the board, but whatever. The more losses the better at this point. Non-tanking losses, of course. Losses with tons of integrity involved.
Timmy is starting Tannehill over Flacco, and I can't decide if that's an endorsement of Tannehill or an indictment of Flacco. Maybe both? Somebody should let Tim know that the Oakland pass defense is atrocious and they're playing the early East Coast game, which never works out well for West Coast teams. Also, Michael Turner is two TDs minimum this week against both the Saints and all the bad shade I gave him this season.
THE PICK: SIGMUND AND THE SEA MONSTERS 80 - ISIS 66
OUT FOR REVENGE (3-6) vs. TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (7-2)
Scott tried to get involved in DeckerQuest 2012, but couldn't swing it because of cap room and also roster space. Who would he sit each week when the byes ended? Too many good players, that's your problem, son. AP is going to be force-fed against Detroit with Harvin out, and Welker always kills Buffalo.
OFR is starting Carson Palmer after his 36-point outburst last week, the perfect cover for a tank job. Animal House didn't start a QB last week, but that gave off a fish smell that everyone detected. Starting an up-and-down QB the week after his best game in 5 years? Now that's some crafty tanking!
THE PICK: TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 81 - OUT FOR REVENGE 71
ANIMAL HOUSE (4-5) vs. ABBADABBA'S (7-2)
Hey! Animal House has a quarterback again this week! Nice! A nice, plump, full roster for them. But even though every spot is filled, they will not get full scoring. Ryan Mathews and Jamaal Charles are going nowhere this week. Nowhere!
This Abbadabba's record has been falsely inflated by the Bears defense and RGIII all season long. One them is on a bye this week, so...
THE PICK: ANIMAL HOUSE 67 - ABBADABBA'S 63
MR. RODGERS NEIGHBORHOOD (4-5) vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (8-1)
Like how the Packers themselves have no real backup for Aaron Rodgers (I think it's...uh...hold on, Googling...GRAHAM HARRELL!), MRN is turning to Jake Locker. This is Locker's first game back from injury, he's facing a good Miami defense, and he was terrible before the injury. Any number from Locker without a minus in front of it should be considered a win.
So, I mean, should I even bother talking about Felix Jones or Bri's players? Probably not; let's just move on.
THE PICK: THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 101 - MR. RODGERS NEIGHBORHOOD 55
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (5-4) vs. MOTHER OF DRAGONS (4-5)
Why is Gary 1 game under .500? He has the 4th most points in the league, a middle of the pack points against, and a lot of stars thanks to rigging the #1 overall pick. What is he doing wrong? Well, for starters, he blew 2 different games with bad roster management, and...I guess that's about it, really. He could and should be 6-3.
But he'll at least be 5-5 after this week, thanks to the bonus 16 points from Cecil Shorts. The same Cecil Shorts Gary actually TRIED TO TRADE TO LARRY this week. Man, I wish that trade went through before the 16-pointer. Woulda been so epic.
And since Gary was targeting BJGE, look for about 3 points from him.
THE PICK: MOTHER OF DRAGONS 99 - THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 60
THE KNIGHT WHO SAYS NI (2-7) vs. CHEST ROCKWELL (4-5)
So...The Knight has two bye week players in his starting lineup, and a full bench of options to replace them. The Sunday games haven't started yet, so I don't think it's a concern EXCEPT...the Yet To Play and Player Minutes Remaining counters on the scoreboard show 6 and 360, respectively. Is it possible that you can make substitutions after the Thursday game, but bye week players are considered locked?
If that's the case, and The Knight can't sub in two guys tonight or tomorrow, that's a pretty blatant tank attempt. My recommended penalty is -10 lottery balls. I'm not sure how many lottery balls he'd even get, but -10 seems fair. If that means he has -3, so be it.
And if those bye weeks are indeed locked, Chest will definitely win to go to 5-5, the worst possible spot. Not good enough to make a deep run, too good to ensure a high draft pick. Right in the creamy middle. Although in this case, the creaminess is bitter, not sweet.
THE PICK: CHEST ROCKWELL 72 - THE KNIGHT WHO SAYS NI 45 (+ -10 LOTTERY BALLS)