...and the regular season ends not with a bang, but a whimper.
MOTHER OF DRAGONS 90.8 - ISIS 81.7
MOTHER OF DRAGONS 90.8 - OUT FOR REVENGE 81.9
ISIS 81.7 - MR. RODGERS NEIGHBORHOOD 64
OUT FOR REVENGE 81.9 - MR. RODGERS NEIGHBORHOOD 64
So, so close to correctly predicting the upset superfecta. That woulda paid 15 to 1! But both OFR and I had a single position player get blanked, though it only cost me the win. Rigging the draft paid off for Gary, as Ray Rice picked up an incredible 30 yards on 4th and 29 on his way to a 16 point effort. And it seems as if Cecil Shorts was picked up legitimately, but Darrell Issa is calling for a special House sub-committee to examine the propriety of the move. Either way, Cecil caught a 60-yard TD, helping Gary clinch his division, free and clear. Nice that Gary was somehow in the worst division this season as well. Life is crazy sometimes.
MRN drafted the Niners defense in the 6th round this year, the first defense off the board. This week, they started the Packers defense (-1 point) over the Niners defense (24 points). While the Saints are indeed explosive and were at home, the Giants are also explosive, at home, coming off a bye, and the already shaky Packers defense was missing Clay Matthews and Charles Woodson.
MRN is flat out not going to the playoffs because they didn't start the defense they drafted way too early in a must-win double matchup. So there's that.
ANIMAL HOUSE 89.7 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 84.3
ANIMAL HOUSE 89.7 - THE KNIGHT WHO SAYS NI 78.6
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 84.3 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 82.2
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 82.2 - THE KNIGHT WHO SAYS NI 78.6
Three of these teams qualified for the playoffs this week, and the other got the inside track on the #1 pick. It's a win-win-win-lose (but still win) scenario! Animal House, which was on the verge of being a huge disappointment, got a big game from Brady and also from the rapidly-improving Andre Johnson. I would be extremely nervous to play this team in the playoffs.
Adrian Peterson has more or less clinched Top 5 running back fantasy points status for this season, meaning that his 2013 conditional pick will become a first rounder. But hey, Scott made the playoffs so maybe it was worth it? Or maybe he could've just started Reggie Bush.
I've said a lot of bad things about him this year, but I must admit that Cam is a great passer when defensive breakdowns leave somebody wide open running up the seam. Other than that, he still sucks. Though now Bri is going to be greatly tempted to start him in the playoffs. Come on, Bri! Blow your season on Cam since you say you're keeping him! Show your Cam love with actions, not words!
The Knight lost both games against teams desperate for wins to clinch the playoffs. We already know he refuses to start Justin Blackmon over Josh Gordon for some unknown, perverse, immensely frustrating reason, and Blackmon had 13 points this week to Gordon's 6. But did you know that Bill also had Chris Johnson on the bench this week? Mike Williams, Shonn Greene, and a banged up Danny Amendola started over Chris Johnson? Even though Johnson was playing the Jags? That seems...kinda odd. What's that you say? The Knight started the exact same lineup two weeks in a row? And probably didn't even bother looking at his team this week? And would've won BOTH OF HIS GAMES had he started Johnson and Blackmon? That seems...kinda interesting. How many draft picks is he being docked for that exactly?
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 116.6 - CHEST ROCKWELL 68
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 116.6 - SIGMUND AND THE SEA MONSTERS 40.6
ABBADABBA'S 76.2 - CHEST ROCKWELL 68
ABBADABBA'S 76.2 - SIGMUND AND THE SEA MONSTERS 40.6
Forty. Fucking. Points. If you were trying to make the playoffs and desperately needed a win, wouldn't you like to be facing a team that scored forty fucking points? Brian Hartline. Mike Wallace, who is already struggling, trying to get passes from Charlie Batch. Daryl Richardson. Some quality fucking shit right here.
In fairness to Larry, he would've beaten Tim and Barker even if you COMBINED their scores.
Brian Barker clinched a first round bye thanks to another terrific Griffin performance. If you're wondering, Washington faces Cleveland and Philly in Weeks 15 and 16, and the Bears face Arizona in Week 16. So even though the rest of the Abba team is thoroughly average, he already has about 40 points in the can for the title game.
Somebody should write a country song about Larry Fitzgerald's season.