LAST WEEK: 6-0
I know I usually write a playoff picture post, but the playoff picture this year is so settled and so convoluted at the same time that it was too much effort. It comes down to this, more or less:
#2 seed - WBG wins, and they clinch it. If they lose, Firerock needs to win AND outscore WBG by 75 points to clinch the bye. Not very likely.
#5 and #6 seeds - Pounders and Lowcountry both clinch with a win. If one of both lose, the Elbow, Zoltan's, and Swirls are brought into the mix, with overall points the deciding factor. Zoltan is playing Lowcountry, so they can help themselves, but they also have the lowest points of the teams involved. Do NOT count Nate out of the playoffs just yet!
On another note, 52-20 with the picks this season? How can I get paid for this savant-like ability I have?!?!
THE NEV-R-WINS (11-1) vs. ATLAS SHRUGGZ (4-8)
If you're savvy enough, you've noticed that I suddenly have a little bit of a hole at the WR spot, and that it could potentially be my undoing in the playoffs.
But not this week.
THE PICK: THE NEV-R-WINS 115 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 88
THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW (5-7) vs. DEATHFROMABOVE (4-8)
New England traditionally struggles in Miami, and this would be a pretty bad week for Nate to not get a full effort from Beautiful Tom Brady. But if Brady struggles, that means Wes Welker on DFA will also struggle, so maybe that's not at all. And even though Romo should light up the abysmal Philly secondary for DFA, Nate has Dez Bryant, so that will offset as well.
The dream is still alive!
THE PICK: THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 91 - DEATHFROMABOVE 89
ZOLTAN'S ZEROS (5-7) vs. LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS (6-6)
Zoltan has dropped 4 straight after a promising start to the season. Lowcountry has won 2 straight to get a wobbly season back on track. And now here they are, battling for a single playoff spot.
Oh my God! I just noticed that Scott picked up Plaxico. Folks, it's time to stage an online intervention. Scott clearly has a problem with fantasy football and picking up Steelers.
He also picked up Colin Kaepernick, who I like quite a bit. I especially enjoy him because after 4 full years of sportswriters complaining about Alex Smith and wondering when he'll finally be benched, when Coach Harbaugh finally benches Smith for somebody who can throw just as well if not better, and is clearly more dynamic, sportswriters now wonder if Harbaugh has lost the locker room. Yes, I'm sure the veteran Niners are extremely pissed that Kaepernick is 2-0 already. Fucking sportswriters are the worst.
THE PICK: LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 75 - ZOLTAN'S ZERO 65
HACKS (4-8) vs. ST. A'S CRUSADERS (7-5)
Although they lead the Weegie, the Crusaders have no realistic chance at a bye, so this game doesn't matter so much. Lucky for them, because 29 points from a kicker and DST could be tough to overcome.
But not impossible.
THE PICK: ST. A'S CRUSADERS 91 - HACKS 77
IRON CITY POUNDERS (6-6) vs. WHIZ-BANG GANG (8-4)
If Larry laid down his arms this week, he could most likely keep Caulen out of the playoffs. On the other hand, he could cost himself a bye and then would karmically lose in the Wild Card round. So I guess he'll try this week.
THE PICK: WHIZ-BANG GANG 101 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 88
FIREROCK ROCKERS (7-5) vs. PURPLE SWIRLS (5-7)
How unlucky has Caulen been these last 2 seasons? Well, in a must-win game in order to make this playoffs, his quarterback, who had a 54-game touchdown pass streak going, threw 0 TDs and 5 picks. The normally high-flying Drew Brees only provided Caulen with 8 points. What else can be said?
Between that and Caulen starting backs he's only owned for a total of 3 weeks and everybody on the Rockers having severe go off potential...looks like another dry year for the Swirls. Caulen, if you're listening, you can write the playoff game previews again. Since you'll be free and all.
THE PICK: FIREROCK ROCKERS 121 - PURPLE SWIRLS 101