Saturday, November 3, 2012

WVFL Week 9 Preview

LAST WEEK: 4-2
SEASON: 33-15

I turned on the Mississippi State/Texas A&M game today, only to find that both teams were wearing "creative" adidas uniforms that were "extremely ugly." On top of that, MSU had painted #snowbowl12 in one endzone. I went online and learned that this (and the "special" uniforms) were to celebrate MSU's "famous" victory over A&M in the...INDEPENDENCE BOWL in, wait, I'm not done...2000!

So what is worse? Places like Libya and Pakistan where there are no jobs, so guys can sit in cafes all day and protest and turn to extremism, or America, where at least 65% of our economy is based on creating and selling utter bullshit? Marketing is the worst. Stay out of marketing, kids.


THE NEV-R-WINS (8-0) vs. HACKS (4-4)
The greatest threat to the undefeated dream is this week. Brady has bailed me out more than once this year and it'll be a real test without him. Relying on Carson Palmer seems like a sure path to stress, but the trade market was thin and a little pricy for my tastes. Also, Jacquizz Rodgers? AND Leonard Hankerson? It is not looking so good.

But please note that I also picked up the Tampa defense, so any Palmer turnovers are revenue-neutral.

Lucky for me, Ryan Mathews already disappointed for the week, so now I just need to hold off Trent Richardson, a 2 tight end set, and hope that Julio Jones continues his extensive decoy work.

Also, I'm pretty sure that I could clinch a playoff spot with a victory.

THE PICK: THE NEV-R-WINS 91 - HACKS 89


THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW (3-5) vs. FIREROCK ROCKERS (5-3)
He can't beat me, but TK can always count on a game against his sons to make him healthy again. There's another bloodline angle in this one, Peyton vs. Eli.

I guess I could keep talking about this game, but I don't know. Seems kinda pointless.

THE PICK: FIREROCK ROCKERS 110 - THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW 75


ZOLTAN'S ZEROS (5-3) vs. PURPLE SWIRLS (3-5)
The Swirls have 65 more points than the Zeros, yet are 2 games back of them. Possibly because the Swirls have an extra 116 points against. In fact, the Zero have the lowest PA in the league by 45 points. D up!

Because of that low PF, a loss could knock the Zeros from the division lead to 8th place, so this one is kind of important. Too bad byes and injuries forced them to start Dexter McCluster this week, and he only scored 1.4 points. Antonio Gates scored 10, and I doubt the Swirls will be trailing at all this week.

It is the Swirls, though, so you never know...

THE PICK: PURPLE SWIRLS 105 - ZOLTAN'S ZEROS 80


ATLAS SHRUGGZ (2-6) vs. LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS (4-4)
I wonder if Web will pick up a kicker before game time. He's in the thick of the playoff chase, so I certainly hope so. Though it's possible he may not need to for this. Maybe this display of huge balls is a Movember thing or something.

Hacks have FIVE players on a bye this week, which has to be extremely hard to do.

THE PICK: LOWCOUNTRY ALL STARS 91 - ATLAS SHRUGGZ 84


IRON CITY POUNDERS (4-4) vs. ST. A'S CRUSADERS (4-4)
When the Chargers scored that second-straight DST TD Thursday night, I wondered what fool was plumb lucky enough to have started them. I got my answer pretty quickly. On the week, these teams are already separated by 25, but on the season they have identical records and a mere 2 point difference. Quite the even matchup.

There's a team in my other league that is also starting both Calvin and Titus Young, Sr., and since I still smell a weird Jaguar upset, I don't like it.

I turned down an offer of McFadden and Andre Johnson for AP this week, so look for those guys to combine for 40 points in this one. Also, each team here has an Oakland WR in the lineup? That's as sure a sign as anything that there's too much fantasy football.

THE PICK: ST. A'S CRUSADERS 105 - IRON CITY POUNDERS 90


DEATHFROMABOVE (1-7) vs. WHIZ-BANG GANG (5-3)
With 960 points on the season, Larry has a 73-point lead on the 2nd-most prolific team, Firerock. But the thing is, 50% of those points came in Weeks 4-6, when the WBG put up 178, 148, and 144. Take that stretch away, and they're under 100 a game. It's like Larry dunked a basketball and when we all asked him to do it again - out of sheer disbelief - he couldn't.

Eh. That metaphor is terrible. But you get the point.

All that, and I'm still picking him this week.

THE PICK: WHIZ-BANG GANG 109 - DEATHFROMABOVE 93

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