Friday, December 14, 2012

AFFL Conference Championship Preview

LAST WEEK: 2-0
SEASON: 56-30 (PLAYOFFS: 2-0)

On the advice of my legal team, I am including a prescription drug ad-style disclaimer at the beginning of this preview.

WARNING: Reading AFFL previews may cause anxiety, anger, temporary rage issues, flash blindness, uncontrollable erections, chest pains, drop foot, club foot, athlete's foot, acute paranoia, walking pneumonia, saddle sores, nausea, and chronic fatigue syndrome. If you experience any of these symptoms, please consult your physician.


MOTHER OF DRAGONS vs. ABBADABBA'S
Speaking of doctors, how is Robert Griffin's knee again? Just a sprain, you say? As of this moment, Griffin is listed as a game-time decision. Griffin plays the early and Romo plays the late game. So while Brian Barker is eating his traditional Sunday lunch of a BLT with mustard (no mayo), he will be watching all of the chortling pregame shows with rapt attention. Can he play Griffin? Or will he have to resort to Tony Ohno against the league's #1 defense?

Gary loses Ahmad Bradshaw, but regains Cecil Shorts, which is about a break even. He's also going with Matt Ryan over Andrew Luck, even though the Houston secondary has been shredded in two high-profile games this season.

Although I'm going to get a metric shit ton of emails about it if I'm wrong here, and although I have picked against him all season with little success...this is Gary's season. I've heard a little bit about his backstory and how he never wins, but between the three good players I've traded to him (including the #1 kicker!), and the way he rigged this year's draft, ain't no stoppin' him now! He's on the move!

If only Barker had captured the #1 seed, this would all be different. Somehow.  

THE PICK: MOTHER OF DRAGONS 94 - ABBADABBA'S 78


THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL
Cam alert! Between superstar amazeback Marshawn Lynch facing Buffalo for the first time (but in Toronto), and Arian Foster shredding up Indy's defense as usual, and Hall of Fame receiver Brandon Marshall going wild against Green Bay, Bri is going to score a ton of points this week. More than enough to offset Cam's floppy game in San Diego.

Larry is also in the Conference Championship in our other league. He's facing Cam in both games, he owns Roddy White there and is facing him here, and he owns Green-Ellis here and is facing him there. So you'll forgive him if he's utterly confused about what he wants to happen on Sunday. All he knows is that with Eli and Julio playing for him in the AFFL, he's hoping for a 49-42 game in the Dome.

This is definitely trying to have it both ways, but I'll say it anyway. I don't ENTIRELY believe that Bri will lose this game. I wouldn't be surprised if he wins. But because fantasy football is so hilarious, I'm picking him to lose by 7 points with benched Peyton outscoring starting Cam by 10.

THE PICK: THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 77 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 70

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