Sunday, December 23, 2012

AFFL Super Bowl Review

SEASON: 59-30
PLAYOFFS: 5-0


MOTHER OF DRAGONS 125.4 - THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 52.5
As we all knew, this was Gary's season, and he put an exclamation point on it with the 4th-highest score of the entire season. His huge bulge is probably a relief to Brian, Brian, and Scott, who can rest easy knowing that even if they made it to the title game, nobody was stopping Gary. That doesn't excuse Larry, of course, who would've lost to even Tim this week, but still.

Side note: My bonus prediction on Abba fell short, though he did have the 2nd-highest score this week. I can't even imagine the crazy irony if he lost in the title game because he should've started Romo over Griffin. Oh man.

ANYWAY! Ryan went off, Rice went off, Gary got 33 DST/K points, trading for Decker worked out, and even Jason Hanson contributed.

As for Larry, what can you really say when a team loses the title game by 70 points? He goes to bed tonight knowing he got destroyed in the AFFL, but he would've beaten me 144-138 in our other league if only he hadn't lost last week. Fantasy football is great.

Gary will go into 2013 with the core of Ryan, Luck, Murray, and Decker intact, and I'll assume he'll figure out a way to keep Ray Rice. Everybody told me Gary was a perennial also-ran in this league, but he's totally set up to be another Brian Williams here. That is, the defending champ who takes a nice team into the next season and loses in the playoffs.


NOW! Since 'tis the season - and also because this game didn't give us very much to talk about - let's see what Christmas wish(es) each AFFL team might have. Who knows? Santa just might get you something you want this year!
 
ABBADABBA'S
  • An adamantium exoskeleton for Robert Griffin III.
  • Norv Turner hired as offensive coordinator in Philadelphia so LeSean McCoy can rack up 2400 all-purpose yards.
  • My ability to predict fantasy football games. 59-30!

ANIMAL HOUSE
  • Ahmad Bradshaw shipped out of town so David Wilson can be the #1 guy. 


CHEST ROCKWELL
  • A quarterback in Arizona OR the moxie to cut Fitzgerald as a franchise player
  • Nobody to remember he traded Calvin Johnson the year he broke the record for most receiving yards in a season.

ISIS
  • A less itchy trading finger 

THE KNIGHT WHO SAYS NI
  • For everybody to just calm the fuck down and to stop worrying about his starting lineup.
  • That's it. What is wrong with you people?
  • The courage to start Justin Blackmon one week.

MR. RODGERS NEIGHBORHOOD
  • The 2013 season to start as soon as possible, because he has Aaron Rodgers, Calvin Johnson, and Rob Gronkowski.
  • Ergo, a #1 running back to go with the #1 everything else. 

MOTHER OF DRAGONS
  • A high first round draft pick.

OUT FOR REVENGE
  • Cleveland to get the 15 other pieces they need so Trent Richardson can be really good.
  • Matt Schaub to quit being completely fucking terrible in big games.
  • Nobody to notice he has Ryan Williams on a 2-year contract.

SIGMUND AND THE SEA MONSTERS
  • A Tera Patrick Real Doll. There is nothing in the fantasy football realm that can help his team, so he might as well be happy during Tim Time.

THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL
  • Cam learning how to pass.
  • Arian Foster avoiding the catastrophic knee injury he seems overdue for.

TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS
  • Adrian Peterson to have a second straight freak of nature season.
  • New glasses.
  • Mike Shanahan not benching Alfred Morris next summer for no reason whatsoever.

THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS
  • A clean way out of this Maurice Jones-Drew situation.
  • The good memories of 2012 to last all the way through the shitty times of 2013. 




 

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