Saturday, December 8, 2012

AFFL Wild Card Preview

LAST WEEK: 5-1
SEASON: 54-30 (PLAYOFFS: 0-0)

I might argue that, in a way, going 24 games over .500 with the weekly picks is a more interesting and impressive feat than winning the AFFL title. Technically, the league champ only has to win the last game if you think about it. Do I think I should get some sort of monetary reward for these outstanding picks? Yes. Am I saying this because my team missed the actual playoffs and I need something to be excited about? Who can say? Do I hate people asking themselves questions as a rhetorical device? Oh, that's just the worst.

We (the Royal we) won't be analyzing the Loser League game here because, really, who cares?


THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS vs. TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS
Between Hernandez and Shayne Graham on one side, and Welker, Gostkowski and the Houston D on the other, you Easters are going to have to stay up late Monday to see who wins this one.

On paper, it might look like Scott is favored here, but Brees should struggle outdoors in the cold against the Giants D, Forte will be limited by playcalling and a Minnesota upset, and Jennings will need a game or two to get back into the flow. On the other hand, Doug Martin could have 22 points against Philly's (Way Too) Wide (To Stop The Run) 9 defense. And Eli will go wild on that terrible Saints defense, while Julio is guaranteed to score a TD on Carolina.

I guess this technically an upset because Scott had 1 more win and 100 more points than Larry this season, but just as a reminder, in the playoffs...YOU THROW OUT THE RECORDS! EVERYBODY IS 0-0, MEN!

THE PICK: THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 91 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 79


ANIMAL HOUSE vs. MOTHER OF DRAGONS
Gary is putting his playoff fate in the hands of franchise player Andrew Luck this week. But the most curious roster move in this matchup is Animal House starting Jermaine Gresham over Ryan Mathews, Brandon Lloyd, or Malcolm Floyd. It's not like those 3 are all that amazing, but they have to give you better odds than the 8th best tight end, right? Why aren't The Fabulous Barker Boys emailing the entire league about this lineup decision. Is it because Bill "Email Of The Year" Knight has shut down such conversations permanently? Jesus fuck, do I hope so.

Whatever. It's not going to matter anyway.

THE PICK: MOTHER OF DRAGONS 97 - ANIMAL HOUSE 70


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