THIS WEEK: 5-1
First off, just wanted to thank everybody for the great time getting together last night at Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the game. It was really fun watching the HGAC/Animal House come down to the wire in person. It's just too bad nobody remembered to invite Chris. Maybe next time. If there is a next time.
ISIS 92.6 - ASSTANNER 80.7
In the Preview, I predicted that Chris would score 80 points, and he scored 80.7. Pretty amazing job! Now, you might argue that only noting one correct score is a bit selective considering that I technically had 11 wrong scores. And you would be right. But still! 80 points on the nose!
I also predicted that I would win this game, which was a much easier prediction to get right. Bye week pickup Travis Kelce scored a TD because I am a genius football manager, and new trade acquisition DeAndre Hopkins had 17.5 points, again because I am a genius football manager.
11th round (11th!) draft pick Mark Ingram scored 23 points. Tremendous value there. And fortunately for me, I didn't lose because Kaepernick's late TD pass to Crabtree was incorrectly reviewed, and his last second QB sneak was incorrectly ruled a fumble instead of a TD. Had I lost with 92.6, and not the 98.7 or 100 points I should've had...well, if you thought last week's review was petulant, this week's would've been a full-blown candy tantrum.
By the way, in the past 5 weeks, my DST has scored -1, 6, -2, -1, and -5. That's not bad luck or anything, but it is fairly amusing.
All week long, Chris had Dwayne Allen in the starting lineup. In the middle of the early games, he decided to bench Allen for Andre Williams. Then he decided to drop Andre Williams for Jonas Gray. This was a Chris microcosm in a nutshell in a teapot. He's like a middle manager who micromanages his charges to give the appearance of being on top of things. Meanwhile, in the end, there's no difference and even less sense. In fact, Allen and Williams both scored 10 points, Percy Harvin had 13.7 on the bench, and poor Jonas Gray had 3.3 points. Yes, somehow the Patriots' 4th running back - and 2nd rookie running back! - did not have a productive game. Who knew?
16.4 points for Denard Robinson was pretty nice, though. Who would've thought he'd be productive at this point in the season? Certainly not Gary when he drafted Toby Gerhart 9th overall. Anyway, I'm expecting a torrential downpour of roster moves from Chris this week before the transaction freeze. Like a guy ordering 3 beers at 1:52am.
LOTHBROK 112.8 - THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 73
Six straight losses for the Rippers and Owner/GM Larry Schacht is suddenly on the hot seat. Where has this team gone? This is a Jets-like freefall. Brandon Oliver had more points in Week 6 than in Week 7-9 combined, Brandin Cooks is more bust than boom, and an injured Gio missed an A+ matchup.
Vereen, Flacco, Sanders...they all tried but it just wanted enough to pull this team out of its nosedive. All plunging to the ground at 660 MPH, pilots panicking and pushing the stick down instead of up. It is over, people. The Rippers might not even be able to move anybody in their recently-announced fire sale. Chances are no other will want to get the Ripper hex stink in their locker room.
I mean, Chris will probably make a trade to get Romo back for some reason, but nothing real, I mean.
You can ride a dominant QB pretty far in this league. Scott did it last year with Peyton Manning, and now Gary is doing it with his replacement on the Colts. And again, grabbing Luck out of college and franchising him may be the best college acquisition in the history of this league. It's certainly the best move in the history of Gary's franchise.
A less good move, perhaps, was rushing to sign Cordarrelle Patterson to a 3-yr contract after 1 good game. Patterson has 35 total points in the 8 games since, is being called out by Coach Zimmer, and has been relegated to Gary's bench.
Mohammed Sanu had another touchdown this week for 16 points, and has been quite excellent since AJ got hurt. Even with AJ back this week, he put up points. But really, we need to talk about Jeremy Hill. With Gio out for Larry's team, Jeremy Hill was all systems go. And he went. It was the extremely rare example of every fantasy "expert" in the country touting a player as a great start this week, and then that player actually going out and having a great game.
Maybe it's not as simple as taking 28 points away from Hill and just assigning them to Gio, but I like simple. And when I do that, the Rippers win this game.
ANIMAL HOUSE 118.3 - HGAC 115.3
Whoooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaa! Now THIS was a game. This was the real shit. No unfortunate roster decisions, because a bunch of dudes from both teams were on a bye. No weird breaks, no bad bounces. Just two teams gettin' raw with it. Gettin' real. Puttin' up points!
For the Animal House, Ben Tate put up 3.2 points, and (completely cooked and very expensive franchise player) Andre Johnson put up 1.2. That was balanced out by Chris Ivory scoring 2.2 for HGAC, and Murray only scoring 9. Thanks, Brandon Weeden!
Both defenses scored 18 points! And the quarterback straight went off. Which, let's pause for a moment. I'm not sure why McCamey decided to start Ben over Rivers. Perhaps chasing last week's Ben points? Maybe a good feeling about Ben at home against the Ravens even though that game typically finishes 13-10? Maybe some bad juju about Rivers going to Florida? Whatever it was, it is possibly the greatest roster decision in the history of the league. A 37-point difference! Unbelievable.
In fact, it's unbelievable that HGAC didn't win this game, even with 34.4 points from the QB spot. Odell Beckham rings up 15.6 points, all on yards. Murray, okay, it was going to be tough against Arizona with Romo out. But Foster probably could've scored a few more points had he not left early with a non-contact groin injury. (Which I'm totally sure will be fine and definitely not spring up again in the AFFL playoffs.)
Extremely tough break scoring the 2nd-most points this week and still losing (I am being logically consistent here!), though I'll leave it up to you how bad you want to feel for a team that is 6-3 (I am being emotional here!).
So...I guess Tom Brady is back? And Jeremy Maclin has been preposterous this year. 30 points last week, 27 this week, and not even Mark Sanchez can slow him down.
Interesting factoid: If either one of these teams played Runny this week, they would've won by 70.
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 87.3 - IT'S ALWAYS RUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA 47.3
Hey, speak of the devil! Under his proposed points system, Runny would've gone 0-2 this week. 1 for the actual loss, 1 for being in the bottom six scorers for the week. And really, probably 2 bonus losses for only scoring 47.3, so 0-4 for the week.
Russell Wilson, with 9 points, was the best Runny scorer this week. That's right, they didn't have a single player post double digits. Well, I mean, unless you count Matt Asiata's 25.7 and Eric Decker's 12.3 on the bench. Which you don't, because they were on the bench. Free agent darling of the week, Andrew Hawkins, only scored 3.4 this week. It was nice of his teammates to also be terrible so he didn't felt like an outcast.
Fun fact: I probably would've picked up Hawkins myself had Barker not beaten me to it.
Fun fact: If I didn't trade for Hopkins, I probably would've started Hawkins and lost.
Fun fact: If Barker started Hopkins, Asiata, and Decker this week, he would've won.
Fun fact: None of these facts are really all that fun.
So now Scott moves to 6-3 with the 2nd-fewest points in the league, which is a real testament to his...something. Though, in fairness, he would only be 5-4 without the Drew Brees trade, so great work there. Wes Welker only had 3.1 against his old team, but on the positive side, he wasn't broken in two when he got drilled in the back, and he wasn't Scott's lowest scorer. That would be Eddie Royal, who had a straight 0.
Great game for Marshawn Lynch, not that Scott needed it. Did you know that Lynch has gone over 100 yards rushing only once this year? But he is still the #5 RB in the AFFL. Such is the power of getting in the end zone.
LITTLE BABY JESUS 95.6 - RIGGINS' RIGGS 74.3
Welp...that is going to make 3 out of the last 4 years in which Barker did not make the playoffs. And Little Baby Jesus, who I predicted would make the playoffs in this year's season preview, is now 6-3. Although, incredibly, only in 3rd place in their division. That is some tough sledding.
How rough has Barker's season been so far? Well, his K/DST outscored Sembrat's 20 to -2 and he still lost this one by 21. Brian Hoyer outscored Austin Davis by 10, and it didn't make a damn difference.
Sembrat's QB, K, and DST combined for 2.4 points in this one. Five players contributed the other 93.2 points. Gronk, DeSean, Ellington, Edelman, and Mike Evans all had more points than the highest-scoring Rigg. There really isn't too much more to say about this one.
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 92 - SIGMUND & THE SEA MONSTERS 77.9
Well, in the Preview I said that Bri would be done 17 starting the Sunday night, but would eventually come back and win. I was totally wrong. He was only down 14 at kickoff. And Tim made a surprise roster update, grabbing the Steelers for a bye week fill in. But still, I am a genius. I mean...that is just an excellent prediction all around. Do I fear having this much knowledge about future events? Sometimes.
So...we are already excited about Antonio Brown and have been for some time now. Everybody wants to hype Percy and Patterson as super elusive receivers, and they are, but it doesn't seem like anybody has more shake in the open field than Antonio. Perhaps because he can actually catch the ball 20 yards downfield, where there are fewer defenders. Which he can do, because he catches the ball as well as anybody in the league.
And Martavis Bryant. Wow. I mean...obviously it is easier to be the 4th option on an offense run by one of the best QBs in the league. Bryant is in a better situation than Patterson is, but man. He is nice. By the way, Bryant and Sammy Watkins were on the same Clemson team last year! My goodness.
Anyway, I cannot imagine how happy Bri was to see Alfred Morris actually have a decent game for a change. If Bri lost this game because Crabtree's late catch on the goalline was not called a TD and the traded away Marshawn Lynch went off again.
But he won, and has a very real chance of winning his division even though he is only 4-5. Thanks, Obama!
Not too much to say about Tim in this one. If Manning doesn't absolutely go off, he doesn't have much chance. Though I will say this - I really, really, really thought Michael Floyd would be a lot more impressive this year. Of course, I thought the same thing about Tim's team as a whole, and yet here we are.