SEASON: 9-3
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| President Donald Trump receives word that Saquon Barkley and Odell Beckham did not combine for 27 points and a comeback win on Sunday Night Football.
HEISENBERG 86 - THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 74.2
Looks like I wet my pants this week and am no longer filled with the piss and vinegar I had going after Week 1. In just 6 short days, I've gone from not a care in the world to several competing cares. Caring about Royce Freeman's role, caring about cutting Matt Breida 30 minutes too early for absolutely no reason whatsoever, caring about Robby Anderson getting one target a week, and caring extremely much about the Giants' atrocious offensive line.
On Freeman specifically, I happily drafted him and just as happily handed him a 2-yr deal after he was named the starter at the close of preseason. Now, I follow camp and preseason backfield fairly closely, and I never even heard of Philip Lindsay. Him coming out of nowhere to lead the Broncos in carries twice now...well, it's a concern. I seem to bork a contract every year because I want to sign guys too quickly for maximum savings and that might be what happened here. Or everything will be fine by Week 4 because Lindsay gets hurt. I guess we'll have to wait and see.
Gary texted me when the Giants game ended (I guess he wanted to be sure it was over in case Odell caught a 140-yard touchdown) and his excitement led to a lot of unfocused mockery and heckling over the preview. To be clear, starting Agholor was the right call, but I was pointing out that he was foolishly chasing Stills' Week 1 points, not that he should start Stills. And starting Lynch over Stills is why he won this game, so he did 2 things right this week.
Congrats to the Saints defense for the 14-point turnaround this week. But nobody in this game was particularly noteworthy. Maybe Golladay continuing his breakout into Detroit's #1 WR. Gary was about average, I was below average. That's how it goes sometimes.
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 84.5 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 67.7
Oooooooo weeeeeee, we're gonna have a spicy Steelers season! I was in attendance on Sunday and these are my observations:
Anyway, AP did not have one more good week in him and Yeldon was useless filling in for Fournette, and nobody except Ben cracked double digits, except Ben had 35 points and Semi couldn't crack 70 so there you have your cheap win. Scott can build off of this by hoping AB actually shows up for practice this week.
Semi is technically still alive at 1-1, but Peyton Barber has done absolutely nothing while Fitzpatrick has piled up 900 yards, Julio doesn't have a touchdown yet, Allen Robinson turned 14 targets into only 83 yards and Trubisky sucks, the bench is terrible and Rodgers is a stiff breeze away from missing 12 weeks. Despite all that, CBS thinks he's going to score 96 points in Week 3. I think he might not get that much in Weeks 3 and 4 combined.
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 117.2 - THE NIGHT BOYS 85.1
The Night Boys fall to 0-2 despite scoring enough points to beat 6 other team this week, and this might've been their last good chance to win one for a while. He needed a huge game from Hopkins and a defensive TD to even scratch an average score. You just...you don't want to be starting two Jets this early in the season.
I tried to suss out Bri on Gurley's availability on Friday and he wasn't really having it. I offered 2 first rounders, nothing. I even offered my patented "3 of my picks at any time up to and including when I'm on the clock" and nothing. I think that trade offer is hilarious and I've now offered it to three different owners, all of whom passed. I mean, you could wait until I win the lottery one year. You could wait to see if the 10th pick is any good and decide to wait until later. It's so much flexibility with such a great chance to screw me over at some point and nobody wants it!
Regardless, the good and obvious decision to keep Gurley paid off for Bri with 29.3 Before the season, I thought it was a little much that CBS projected Gurley to score 50 more points than other RB, but I don't know. He might actually pull this off 2 years in a row. Coleman looked great filling in for Freeman, who has become entirely unnecessary, Kelce couldn't have been more open on his TDs as mentioned before, and even though Bri technically started the wrong QB again, Watson's 20 points certainly didn't hurt him. He even had Matt Breida's 21.9 points on the bench, just to show off.
The only even minor annoyance Bri has to deal with this week is replacing Zuerlein as a kicker, which will waste like $0.15 of cap space.
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 79.7 - WTTK? 74.3
Seriously, who else would've picked this Timmy upset beside me? Nobody, that's who!
It's probably hard to blame McCamey for benching Hogan against Jacksonville and playing Kittle against Detroit, but if he didn't do that he would've won. He also might've won if Mixon didn't get hurt and keep missing series, or if Luck managed more than 10 points in a win, or if Austin Ekeler didn't steal 9.8 points from Melvin Gordon and give them to Tim.
Tim's quarterback, Alex Smith, actually outscored Luck despite his Washington team losing 21-9 and throwing 0 TD passes to Luck's 2. If that just don't beat all!
Kareem Hunt bounced back with a TD and 14 points this week, though I would be still be pretty nervous about his overall value this year. Andy Reid is just infatuated with Mahomes right now and there's going to be a Chiefs game this year where Hunt gets 0 carries. Afterwards, Andy will sheepishly admit that he "forgot" to call any runs.
ANIMAL HOUSE 122.6 - RUSSELLMANIA 56
This humiliating 66.6 point thrashing is the 2nd-worst loss in Russellmania history. No, really, I looked it up. Barker lost a game in 2010 by 75.8 points. It's a shame he couldn't set a franchise low this week. I mean, you lose by more points than you score and you don't even set a new record? God, I'd be so embarrassed I might quit the league.
McCoy did nothing again and also broke a rib, Gronk was erased by Jalen Ramsey, Ajayi got hurt will likely miss Week 3 and Russ is definitely going to get hurt at some point behind that offensive line. And to top it off, Amari Cooper pulled his patented move of having a good game on the bench so he gets started next week and does nothing.
Which brings us to Josh Gordon, who I don't think Barker should be trading now. Gordon's value this season is either going to be a 0 or a 10 with no in between. Most people seem him being closer to 0 and his 2/3 contract status could be a burden going into next year. Any RB Barker might get from a team with a deep enough backfield and an appetite for risk is only going to give up a back who's gonna be a 3 or a 4. Maybe a 5 if Brian Williams parts with Lamar Miller. Getting a 3 or a 4 in the backfield isn't going to help this season. But getting a 10 at WR? That might just help. He should wait this one out and see what happens.
Of course, nobody's moves might matter a bit unless some of Meyers' players get hurt. The highest-scoring team in Weeks 1 and 2, there's a 44-point gap between him and the 2nd-highest scoring team this season.
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 93.9 - ASSTANNER 89.7
That nifty onsides kick didn't do anything for Giants, but it saved the game for Larry. Zeke's late TD cut Larry's lead to just 0.2 points with plenty of time left. One more Zeke carry would've sealed the come from behind win and kept Chris out of the basement.
I mentioned that there was no way Crowell would score even 8 points this week after putting up 22 points in Week 1, and he only scored 3.9. And yeah, technically Chris would've won if he had started Godwin over Crowell, but it's hard to criticize him for chasing one guy's Week 1 points and not the other just because Godwin is better, in a better offense, and Chris traded a draft pick for him right before cutdown day.
Pat Mahomes threw more touchdowns than incompletions against the Steelers, and his offensive onslaught looked so good that the entire city of Pittsburgh is ready to burn down Heinz Field with the players inside. Not even the beer vendors are safe from fans calling for them to be fired or traded. We are in line for an extremely nasty and insane season if the defense doesn't turn things around very quickly.
Also, man, Mahomes is really, really good. So good that Larry can focus on his win this week and ignore Dalvin Cook's hamstring issue, David Johnson's entire bad offense issue, or the Eagles defense getting tuned up by the Bucs. Speaking of Johnson, Cards coach Steve Wilks says they will start using Johnson in the slot to get him the ball in space more often. I don't know about you, but I would be extremely concerned if I traded multiple first rounders and then franchised a running back who so far has been A) Injured for an entire season and B) Moved to WR, but that's just me.
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