LAST WEEK: 5-1 (That's more like it, baby boy!)
SEASON: 8-10
This song is dedicated to Baker Mayfield and Freddie Kitchens. Put them on a pedestal, they'll only disappoint you.
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (3-1) vs. ASSTANNER (3-1)
Saquon and Tyreek might return next week, and thanks to the gift win I received last week, I don't feel so bad about this upcoming loss. I just have too many gaps in my lineup right now with Dak facing a tough matchup against Green Bay, Mostert/Coleman, and Curtis Samuel. I promise you, those holes are not a result of me standing still and just taking it. I'm pretty sure every single owner in the league turned away trade talks with me this week. Guess nobody wants to trade until they're out of it or in need of a backup kicker before the roster freeze.
Now, Robinson and Samuel should be set for a breakout considering how much air traffic they've seen to start the season, and Titans should be able to get some turnovers against Buffalo since the Bills lead the league in turnovers, but it's more likely that I'm going to be let down.
I was feeling decent about my chances Thursday night until Carson caught that late TD. I'm facing Zeke in both of my leagues this week, which I'm not feeling decent about at all.
Now, in theory, if Robinson goes off the Raiders defense will struggle, and if Dak has a tough time against GB then Amari will too. Also, it's possible the Chiefs scoring wheel might not land on DeMarcus Robinson this week, and it's also possible that Josh Gordon doesn't do much because the Pats will have no need to pass against Washington.
It's possible that I should win if everything goes perfectly. I don't think it's likely, though.
THE PICK: AT 93 - TDHGNM 74
RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (2-2) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (2-2)
Here's a thought. Meyers could be on his way to 1-4 and needs to clear out Le'Veon Bell in order to franchise McCaffrey before his 3/3 deal is up. The two teams most in position to pick up a franchise player right now are Tim (Kareem Hunt) and...Semi (Vikings DST).
Yes, I'm aware that Gary needs to clear out Devonta in order to franchise Kamara, but Devonta is useless any more.
If Semi wins this week and is right in the hunt in the worst division in the league, it might be time to make a move. And Russell Wilson gave him a great head start on getting that win. Problem is, the rest of this lineup is pretty suspect. Montgomery and Lindsay aren't doing much, Thomas is limited by Bridgewater, JuJu is limited by Rudolph, and Minshew Magic is bound to run into a down game eventually.
On the other hand, Gary has Matt Ryan, Kamara is equally limited by Bridgewater, and Brandin Cooks is limited by his game being over and him only having 6 points. I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be counting on Alshon and the Eagles DST to go off against the Jets, as bad as the Jets are.
Gary's lineup is going to be done for the week after the early games, and he's going to have to sweat out Lindsay and Brett Maher playing in the afternoon. I think he'll be fine. Big comeback win after the rough start on Thursday night.
THE PICK: RFD 97 - LBJ 90
THE NIGHT BOYS (2-2) vs. CHUBBY CHASERS (1-3)
Mike Barker is the lowest-scoring team in the league right now, which I feel has become a frequent occurrence in recent years. It certainly doesn't help that DeAndre Hopkins is only the 25th-best WR in the league, stuck between John Brown and Phillip Dorsett in the rankings.
(Odell is actually 27TH right now!)
But this is a good spot for him to ring up some points, move back above .500 and make his own in the worst division in the AFFL. Hopkins should finally explode against the Falcons at home, and Jordan Howard won't have another 3 TD game, but he is facing the Jets. Keith Butler will probably try to cover Mark Andrews with Stephon Tuitt or something, and the Jags can get at Kyle Allen.
The one concern is that Kyler and Fitz have a great matchup against Cincy, but the last team they came east for the early game, they only scored 10 points in Baltimore. I don't think that will happen here.
All of Barker's players will be done after the 1pm slot, while only two of Barker's players will be started by then. Thielen and the Bears should be decent to start, but the scoreboard is going to show something hilarious like 109 - 27 at 4pm.
Side note: It's going to be great when Minshew outscores Mayfield for a 4th straight week from the bench.
Second side note: Brian has both Darrel and Damien Williams, so he has 2 guys on his roster listed as D. WILLIAMS - RB - KC. How often do you think he has to click into their profiles to make sure he's starting the right one?
THE PICK: TNB 109 - CC 81
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (1-3) vs. THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (3-1)
It was highly amusing that I wasn't the only person assuming Tim was packing up the season once he hit 1-3, to the point that he had to issue a public proclamation to the league that he wasn't done yet. Great stuff.
Stefon Diggs might be benched for insolence, and if he does play and Cousins doesn't force feed against that terrible Giants secondary, it is over for him. Jammal Williams has to be ruled out this week after that massive head shot last Thursday, but the Packers will still find a way to screw up Aaron Jones' game. Sammy Watkins had 42 points in Week 1. He has 22.7 in Weeks 2-4.
Is T.Y. playing this week? Larry's in a bit of a quandary with him since he's playing Sunday night. If he waits to find out the news on the game time decision, there aren't a ton of guys available to pick up and spot start. And he probably does have to wait since his bench is banged up too.
Honestly, it probably won't even matter.
THE PICK: TWR 115 - SS 86
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (2-2) vs. WTTK? (3-1)
I reached out to Scott to discuss a trade as well, but he declined as well. I was a little miffed that he didn't even want to chat about, which is an interesting reaction, because I have absolutely no idea who I would want from his team. Wentz, I guess? I just get really restless with my lineup early in every season. None of you have ever pieced this together and tried to take advantage of it, so I am just telling you. Damn.
Scott is starting 2 TEs and a rookie WR in this game, but not the rookie WR he just signed to a franchise deal. His only hope in this game is Wentz, Ertz, and the Pats DST simply destroying inferior competition and covering up all the single digits his other players will post.
McCamey and Chris should figure out a Gordon/Ekeler deal so somebody can start both of them at the same time. If there's ever been a team and a year to start two backs from one team, this is it. (Yes, I am aware Chris already sent a 1st for Gordon in the summer.)
Imagine watching the Sunday night game and hoping LeSean McCoy can score 50 points so you have a chance to win.
THE PICK: WTTK 107 - TDHAF 67
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (1-3) vs. ANIMAL HOUSE (1-3)
Take a guess as to whether Bri sent an agitated response to me declaring him to be out of it this year and on the decline in general.
I'll give you a moment.
He did.
He mentioned his overall point total and this and that and bunch of really defensive stuff. It's a very sensitive subject. And in fairness, he is going to absolute nuke a franchise that is actually on the decline. Meyers isn't even starting Le'Veon Bell this week (trade time?)
If it wasn't for Jacobs and Chris Thompson facing tough matchups, I might pick Bri to score 130 this week. I wouldn't hate to see Will Fuller get the start over Thompson, actually.
THE PICK: TKSMB 124 - AH 82
Saturday, October 5, 2019
Tuesday, October 1, 2019
AFFL Week 4 Review
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 67.9 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 53.2
Heart. Guts. Determination. Moxie. Intestinal fortitude. This Dude heard all of the haterz out there saying they wouldn't win this week - that they wouldn't even score 70 points this week. They conceded the point about points but they didn't concede the win.
Will Dissly just came here to replace injured guys, score touchdowns, and chew bubble gum. And he's all outta bubble gum. 15 points from Dissly in a truly heroic effort, not to mention the genius effort by me to pick him up.
This game took me through all of the emotions. I had resigned myself to losing, then on Sunday it looked like I actually had a chance, then Dak didn't do nearly enough on Sunday night to pad the lead, then JuJu didn't do anything on Monday night and I won. Great!
The Vikings DST only scored 5 points with Chase Daniel as QB for Chicago. Marlon Mack got hurt. Hollywood Brown did nothing. Semi didn't quite leave the wrong guy on the bench to lose this game, but if he changed like 4 guys he could've won. A different kind of devastating, I guess.
I predicted that Semi wouldn't have a very good game (right), that I would score 67 points (REALLY right), and that I would lose (wrong).
By the way, the last 5 champs have all scored under 70 points at least once in their title season, so I still feel good about my chances. Interestingly, the first dud comes in the first 4 weeks.
Semi can give up, though.
RICK FUCKIN' DALTON 61 - THE NIGHT BOYS 52.7
Look at this fuckin' shit pile right here. Semi actually could've won this week if he'd faced Barker.
Gary listened to me about starting Moore over Devonta, which cost him 8 points. Not the win, though, so that's good. I would've had to send an apology letter on official team stationary if that had happened.
DeAndre Hopkins threw an INT in this game of all things, on a truly horrendous double pass play call from the 30. If you didn't see, DeShaun threw a backward pass to DeAndre, who tried to throw a pass all the way across the field to another receiver. Except with only 30 yards of field to cover, Carolina had guys everywhere. Truly idiotic from Bill O'Brien.
Barker went chasing Danny Dimes' point from last week and came up well short. Kyler had 4 more points on the bench and Rex Burkhead had 1.2 in the starting lineup. I don't think Burkhead has had a good game as a starter for Barker in the 3-4 years they've been together.
ASSTANNER 112.1 - CHUBBY CHASERS 93.8
This is the third straight week in which Gardner Minshew has been on the bench and outscored summer's consensus Hall of Fame QB, Baker Mayfield. It's the first week, however, in which Adam Thielen has criticized his team's playcalling, pointing out that it's 2019 and teams don't run 40 times to win any more. It's also the first week in which Keenan Allen had under 10 targets and under 10 points, and it's the first time Brian started MVS, which didn't quite work out.
It's not the first week he's lost, though. It's the third one, and it might time for him to start trading players for 2020 picks that he'll blow. If he's smart, he'll trade his guys for 3rd and 4th round picks because it doesn't hurt as much to blow those ones.
If you think I'm wrong about Wayne Gallman, offer Chris a pick for him tonight, because I promise you Chris is trying to move him. In other trade news, I ended up taking Mark Ingram with the 2nd round I got in exchange for Kenny Golladay, and I'm less and less sure about that one each week.
Must be nice to have Gallman and Golladay step up and carry the load when Zeke and Amari don't do much.
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 107.6 - ANIMAL HOUSE 85.3
I feel like Meyers is good every year, he's actually just been scraping .500 this in this most recent olympiad. His last 4 seasons were 8-6, 8-6, 7-7, and 9-5. He had back-to-back 10 wins seasons in 2013 and 2014, so maybe we just all remember him being good from our youth.
Before that, he was 8-6, 6-8, 7-7, 5-9, 3-11, and 5-9.
Does Meyers secretly stink? Are we fooled because he always has a superstar running back? Is it just me?
Too bad he doesn't actually exist and never trades with anybody, because he could really sell off some pieces for 2020 picks.
Anyway, Aaron Rodgers was benched and outscored Tom Brady by 20 points. Jaylen Samuels and Ronald Jones were benched in favor of James Washington, who I'm not sure even saw the field last night. These were mistakes that cost Meyers the game. Just like real life, Christian McCaffrey is being wasted on a team that isn't going anywhere.
Jacoby Brissett actually outscored Pat Mahomes this week, not that it mattered.
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 120.9 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 99.3
It's always amusing when Tim beats Scott, and Tim now leads their series 14-13. Scott's all time franchise record is 141-161; Tim's is 142-161. Scott average season finish is 6.5; Tim's is 6.8. These franchises are basically identical.
The silver lining for Scott is that he didn't lose this one because of lineup decisions. His bench was Tyler Eifert (3.7 points), 1 guy on bye, 3 hurt guys, and Trace McSorley for some reason. (That reason is not salary cap, because McSorley isn't the cheapest guy in the league and Scott has $1.55 of cap space now. I guess he wants his backup QB to be an actual backup for some reason.)
Also, if you're wondering, Terry McLaurin is his new franchise player.
Speaking of franchise players, if Scott had kept Fournette instead of AB, he would've won this game. Instead, Fournette scored 25 points for Tim in the big revenge game. Robert Woods scored 22.9 points without a TD thanks to THIRTEEN receptions (equal to a TD now), and Goff could've had a much better game except for his four turnovers. Goff lost more points than Adrian Peterson scored this week.
WTTK? 109.3 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 102.4
DeShaun Watson has been a little hot and cold this season.
Week 1 - 268 yds/3 TD - 28.9 pts
Week 2 - 159 yds/0 TD - 11.8 pts
Week 3 - 351 yds/3 TD - 24.5 pts
Week 4 - 160 yds/0 TD - 11.5 pts
Obviously he'll bounce back next week against Atlanta, but Bri needed him this week in a must-win game. I know many of you are taking joy in Bri having a bad season and having to dump Cam for nothing, but I think that is terrible. I feel bad for Bri. The rest of you of monsters for laughing about this. Shameful.
Bri has Sony Michel under contract but still started Chris Thompson over him. Thompson only had 8 points, which was still better than Michel, but it didn't matter either way.
McCamey also listened to my good advice and started Mixon over John Brown. That actually cost 1.1 points, but again, not the win. Him leaving Chris Godwin's 35 points on the bench was his own doing. Didn't matter this week, obviously, but maybe later for a tiebreaker or something?
Davante and Ekeler combined for 50 (23 / 26.7) points this week and I hope McCamey enjoyed it because they might combine for 9 (0 / 9) this week.
Heart. Guts. Determination. Moxie. Intestinal fortitude. This Dude heard all of the haterz out there saying they wouldn't win this week - that they wouldn't even score 70 points this week. They conceded the point about points but they didn't concede the win.
Will Dissly just came here to replace injured guys, score touchdowns, and chew bubble gum. And he's all outta bubble gum. 15 points from Dissly in a truly heroic effort, not to mention the genius effort by me to pick him up.
This game took me through all of the emotions. I had resigned myself to losing, then on Sunday it looked like I actually had a chance, then Dak didn't do nearly enough on Sunday night to pad the lead, then JuJu didn't do anything on Monday night and I won. Great!
The Vikings DST only scored 5 points with Chase Daniel as QB for Chicago. Marlon Mack got hurt. Hollywood Brown did nothing. Semi didn't quite leave the wrong guy on the bench to lose this game, but if he changed like 4 guys he could've won. A different kind of devastating, I guess.
I predicted that Semi wouldn't have a very good game (right), that I would score 67 points (REALLY right), and that I would lose (wrong).
By the way, the last 5 champs have all scored under 70 points at least once in their title season, so I still feel good about my chances. Interestingly, the first dud comes in the first 4 weeks.
Semi can give up, though.
RICK FUCKIN' DALTON 61 - THE NIGHT BOYS 52.7
Look at this fuckin' shit pile right here. Semi actually could've won this week if he'd faced Barker.
Gary listened to me about starting Moore over Devonta, which cost him 8 points. Not the win, though, so that's good. I would've had to send an apology letter on official team stationary if that had happened.
DeAndre Hopkins threw an INT in this game of all things, on a truly horrendous double pass play call from the 30. If you didn't see, DeShaun threw a backward pass to DeAndre, who tried to throw a pass all the way across the field to another receiver. Except with only 30 yards of field to cover, Carolina had guys everywhere. Truly idiotic from Bill O'Brien.
Barker went chasing Danny Dimes' point from last week and came up well short. Kyler had 4 more points on the bench and Rex Burkhead had 1.2 in the starting lineup. I don't think Burkhead has had a good game as a starter for Barker in the 3-4 years they've been together.
ASSTANNER 112.1 - CHUBBY CHASERS 93.8
This is the third straight week in which Gardner Minshew has been on the bench and outscored summer's consensus Hall of Fame QB, Baker Mayfield. It's the first week, however, in which Adam Thielen has criticized his team's playcalling, pointing out that it's 2019 and teams don't run 40 times to win any more. It's also the first week in which Keenan Allen had under 10 targets and under 10 points, and it's the first time Brian started MVS, which didn't quite work out.
It's not the first week he's lost, though. It's the third one, and it might time for him to start trading players for 2020 picks that he'll blow. If he's smart, he'll trade his guys for 3rd and 4th round picks because it doesn't hurt as much to blow those ones.
If you think I'm wrong about Wayne Gallman, offer Chris a pick for him tonight, because I promise you Chris is trying to move him. In other trade news, I ended up taking Mark Ingram with the 2nd round I got in exchange for Kenny Golladay, and I'm less and less sure about that one each week.
Must be nice to have Gallman and Golladay step up and carry the load when Zeke and Amari don't do much.
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 107.6 - ANIMAL HOUSE 85.3
I feel like Meyers is good every year, he's actually just been scraping .500 this in this most recent olympiad. His last 4 seasons were 8-6, 8-6, 7-7, and 9-5. He had back-to-back 10 wins seasons in 2013 and 2014, so maybe we just all remember him being good from our youth.
Before that, he was 8-6, 6-8, 7-7, 5-9, 3-11, and 5-9.
Does Meyers secretly stink? Are we fooled because he always has a superstar running back? Is it just me?
Too bad he doesn't actually exist and never trades with anybody, because he could really sell off some pieces for 2020 picks.
Anyway, Aaron Rodgers was benched and outscored Tom Brady by 20 points. Jaylen Samuels and Ronald Jones were benched in favor of James Washington, who I'm not sure even saw the field last night. These were mistakes that cost Meyers the game. Just like real life, Christian McCaffrey is being wasted on a team that isn't going anywhere.
Jacoby Brissett actually outscored Pat Mahomes this week, not that it mattered.
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 120.9 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 99.3
It's always amusing when Tim beats Scott, and Tim now leads their series 14-13. Scott's all time franchise record is 141-161; Tim's is 142-161. Scott average season finish is 6.5; Tim's is 6.8. These franchises are basically identical.
The silver lining for Scott is that he didn't lose this one because of lineup decisions. His bench was Tyler Eifert (3.7 points), 1 guy on bye, 3 hurt guys, and Trace McSorley for some reason. (That reason is not salary cap, because McSorley isn't the cheapest guy in the league and Scott has $1.55 of cap space now. I guess he wants his backup QB to be an actual backup for some reason.)
Also, if you're wondering, Terry McLaurin is his new franchise player.
Speaking of franchise players, if Scott had kept Fournette instead of AB, he would've won this game. Instead, Fournette scored 25 points for Tim in the big revenge game. Robert Woods scored 22.9 points without a TD thanks to THIRTEEN receptions (equal to a TD now), and Goff could've had a much better game except for his four turnovers. Goff lost more points than Adrian Peterson scored this week.
WTTK? 109.3 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 102.4
DeShaun Watson has been a little hot and cold this season.
Week 1 - 268 yds/3 TD - 28.9 pts
Week 2 - 159 yds/0 TD - 11.8 pts
Week 3 - 351 yds/3 TD - 24.5 pts
Week 4 - 160 yds/0 TD - 11.5 pts
Obviously he'll bounce back next week against Atlanta, but Bri needed him this week in a must-win game. I know many of you are taking joy in Bri having a bad season and having to dump Cam for nothing, but I think that is terrible. I feel bad for Bri. The rest of you of monsters for laughing about this. Shameful.
Bri has Sony Michel under contract but still started Chris Thompson over him. Thompson only had 8 points, which was still better than Michel, but it didn't matter either way.
McCamey also listened to my good advice and started Mixon over John Brown. That actually cost 1.1 points, but again, not the win. Him leaving Chris Godwin's 35 points on the bench was his own doing. Didn't matter this week, obviously, but maybe later for a tiebreaker or something?
Davante and Ekeler combined for 50 (23 / 26.7) points this week and I hope McCamey enjoyed it because they might combine for 9 (0 / 9) this week.
Saturday, September 28, 2019
AFFL Week 4 Preview
LAST WEEK: 0-6 (!)
(!!!)
(!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
SEASON: 3-9
This one is going to be a quick hitter because there's simply no time, man!
My great fear finally came true when Saquon went down with an injury. New York isn't New York without Saquon. I have lost a hero, I have lost a friend.
LITTLE BABY JESUS (2-1) vs. THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (2-1)
This loss is going to be especially disappointing because I don't think Semi is going to have a great week. I don't think I'm going to break 70, though.
THE PICK: LBJ 84 - TDHGNM 67
THE NIGHT BOYS (2-1) vs. RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (1-2)
If we're sticking with the movie theme, I guess this is the part in the saloon when Rick can't remember his lines and cries because he thinks it's all over.
Gary has FOUR players in the TEN/ATL barnburner this week. His entire starting lineup is only involved in four games.
I'd maybe consider D.J. Moore over Devonta this week, but either way, ol' Rick is bringing out his flamethrower this week.
THE PICK: RFD 118 - TNB 98
CHUBBY CHASERS (1-2) vs. ASSTANNER (2-1)
Chris and I were so, so close to pulling off a blockbuster trade this week but it just didn't come together. Brian Barker will be more ready to blow things up after this week.
Wayne Gallman sucks.
THE PICK: AT 94 - CC 81
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (2-1) vs. ANIMAL HOUSE (1-2)
Did you know that Pat Mahomes has never played in a dome?
Meyers is starting James Washington this week, which...I thought I was desperate.
Larry will escape with a win because his bad performance will be less bad than Meyers' even worse performance.
THE PICK: TWR 87 - AH 80
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (0-3) vs. TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (2-1)
I think I've said this before, but I swear Scott leads the league in Franchise Players who retire or leave the league. His FP slot is the Spinal Tap drummer seat of the AFFL.
There are currently 4 teams under 300 points on the season. They are all in the Hockey Season division.
THE PICK: SS 83 - TDHAF 70
WTTK? (2-1) vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (1-2)
I think my trade hex powers might be back because I reached out to McCamey this week about Ekeler and Davante. The price was still incredibly high but he was away this week so we put it on pause. Since then, Melvin Gordon has returned to take his job back from Ekeler and Davante broke his foot or whatever.
I would play Mixon over John Brown against NE this week, but that's just me.
THE PICK: W 103 - TKSMB 84
(!!!)
(!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
SEASON: 3-9
This one is going to be a quick hitter because there's simply no time, man!
My great fear finally came true when Saquon went down with an injury. New York isn't New York without Saquon. I have lost a hero, I have lost a friend.
LITTLE BABY JESUS (2-1) vs. THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (2-1)
This loss is going to be especially disappointing because I don't think Semi is going to have a great week. I don't think I'm going to break 70, though.
THE PICK: LBJ 84 - TDHGNM 67
THE NIGHT BOYS (2-1) vs. RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (1-2)
If we're sticking with the movie theme, I guess this is the part in the saloon when Rick can't remember his lines and cries because he thinks it's all over.
Gary has FOUR players in the TEN/ATL barnburner this week. His entire starting lineup is only involved in four games.
I'd maybe consider D.J. Moore over Devonta this week, but either way, ol' Rick is bringing out his flamethrower this week.
THE PICK: RFD 118 - TNB 98
CHUBBY CHASERS (1-2) vs. ASSTANNER (2-1)
Chris and I were so, so close to pulling off a blockbuster trade this week but it just didn't come together. Brian Barker will be more ready to blow things up after this week.
Wayne Gallman sucks.
THE PICK: AT 94 - CC 81
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (2-1) vs. ANIMAL HOUSE (1-2)
Did you know that Pat Mahomes has never played in a dome?
Meyers is starting James Washington this week, which...I thought I was desperate.
Larry will escape with a win because his bad performance will be less bad than Meyers' even worse performance.
THE PICK: TWR 87 - AH 80
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (0-3) vs. TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (2-1)
I think I've said this before, but I swear Scott leads the league in Franchise Players who retire or leave the league. His FP slot is the Spinal Tap drummer seat of the AFFL.
There are currently 4 teams under 300 points on the season. They are all in the Hockey Season division.
THE PICK: SS 83 - TDHAF 70
WTTK? (2-1) vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (1-2)
I think my trade hex powers might be back because I reached out to McCamey this week about Ekeler and Davante. The price was still incredibly high but he was away this week so we put it on pause. Since then, Melvin Gordon has returned to take his job back from Ekeler and Davante broke his foot or whatever.
I would play Mixon over John Brown against NE this week, but that's just me.
THE PICK: W 103 - TKSMB 84
Friday, September 20, 2019
AFFL Week 3 Preview
LAST WEEK: 3-3
SEASON: 3-3
Looks like I shouldn't have sat out the preseason myself. Needed to get some pick reps in so I didn't start the season so flat.
Bri later revealed that he was joking about Cam for a 1st rounder the other day, which is believable. And yet! It had juuuust enough believability in it that I think he was hoping somebody went for it. Like in a movie when the hot girl is complaining that nobody wants to take her to prom and her nerdy best friend says he could take her and there's a pregnant pause and then she laughs and the nerd tries way too hard to cover it up with "Ha ha! Yeah, I'm totally kidding! Can you even imagine?!?"
Speaking of trades that won't ever happen, I can tell you Mark Ingram's fate already. I'm going to keep floating him on the trade block for (reasons) and nobody is going to make a good offer and then he's going to finish the season as a top 10 RB and be a top 5 draft pick in 2020. This exact scenario played out for me last year with Chris Carson. In fact, I think it happened the last time I had Mark Ingram 3-4 years ago.
So I dedicate this song to Mark Ingram. They just won't love you like I do.
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (2-0) vs. THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (1-1)
I picked up the Titans DST for that? Good gravy. Hopefully the other ideal matchups that I have this week will go a little better. Dak and Ingram (love that guy!) will be a part of high-scoring matchups, and even though Tampa's run D might actually be good, Saquon does everything and now has a QB who doesn't move like he's wearing ski boots.
Actually...hmm. Maybe this isn't as good as I thought. Robinson will be open all night, but Mitch sucks. Odell will be busy trying to keep his expensive watch away from Aqib Talib's sticky fingers while Baker bails out from Aaron Donald on every snap, and Mostert is a pretty hopeful play. He basically needs to score a TD to come through. But putting in Goodwin or Samuel would be equally optimistic. Plus, Samuel will be dealing with a backup QB this week and I am simply not buying all of this talk that Kyle Allen will be useful this week. He didn't even play in the preseason. I know Cam has been bad, but where is this Allen hype coming from?
On the other side, the Baltimore D might slow down Mahomes a touch, which means he scores 22 points instead of 32. Evans has a golden opportunity against that Giants secondary, and DJ should get loose in the Cards' first win, though it might be asking a bit much for Kirk and T.Y. to keep it rolling.
HMM.
I know that I would LIKE to win this game. Starting off 3-0 through the first division cycle is always a good thing. But this one is going to be close throughout the Sunday slate and then we'll be watching Gurley vs. Odell Sunday night. I think Larry will come out of the Sabbath with slight advantage, but then I keep that Monday night magic rolling with Robinson in DC.
(Honestly, I am trying that Oprah trick where you speak something into being. I'm not sure how much I actually believe this one.)
THE PICK: THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 110 - THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 103
ANIMAL HOUSE (1-1) vs. RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (0-2)
As hilarious as it would be to see Gary start off 0-3 with the 2nd-most points in the league, it's not going to happen. On a technicality because he won't have the 2nd-most points after this week. Kamara is going to be kept down by Taysom Hill keeping the ball on every single read option and running straight into the pile, Devonta is absolutely cooked, and Gary was way too excited to pick up Brandin Cooks for him to do anything this week.
Side note: I am pretty sure Sean Payton knows more about football than me, but what is his fascination with Taysom Hill? He comes through on like 5% of the plays they try him on. I've seen him complete maybe 1 pass ever. Gary should be highly concerned about the possibility that Hill plays more than Bridgewater.
On the other hand, will Meyers be able to do anything about it even if Gary has a bad week? Brady should be done passing early again, Le'Veon Bell will be the entire Jets offense again (except the Pats will actually focus on stopping him), James Conner looks terrible so far and has a terrible set up this week, and Green Bay suddenly has a really good secondary that can slow down Manny Sanders.
Although...will this one come down to Sunday night with the Rams defense for Meyers going back and forth with Cooks for Gary? I'm gonna say...a late strip sack on Baker seals the deal in this one.
Also...I think CBS is being wildly ambitious with these score projections.
THE PICK: ANIMAL HOUSE 88.2 - RICK FUCKIN' DALTON 86.9
WTTK? (2-0) vs. THE NIGHT BOYS (1-1)
The Brandin Cooks franchise era didn't last long. Barker has now franchised DeAndre Hopkins and not Daniel Jones in a bit of a surprise.
The CAR-Cards game on Sunday has a Kyle and a Kyler facing off at QB, which is a first. I like Kyler to have a good game in the first Cards win, which means Fitz should go along for the ride. The Chargers have a great secondary, but only the Jags really slow down DeAndre. On the other hand, Breida will lose too many snaps in a good matchup, Buffalo has a good defense to get after Boyd, and we said in the Week 2 Review that Barker would start Mark Andrews this week and he'd only score 4 after posting 22 on the bench last week.
Meanwhile, McCamey has nothing but gold up and down his lineup. Here's your top scorer this week, folks. I said Barker could lose 5 straight without some drastic action and this is where he loses his balance and starts tumbling down the hill.
If McCamey was asking for 1st and another pick for Ekeler before the season, I can't even imagine what he's asking for now. Probably your entire 2020 and 2021 drafts with a 2022 4th rounder thrown in as a sweetener.
THE PICK: WTTK? 122 - THE NIGHT BOYS 84
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (1-1) vs. CHUBBY CHASERS (0-2)
As hopeful as I am about starting off 3-0, I'm equally hopeful about Brian Barker actually doing something for a change this week and winning so the rest of my division starting off 1-2.
Even though I'm hopeful, I don't have much hope. I think Baker was absolutely exposed last week and he was seeing ghosts in the pocket on every play. Freddie Kitchens was equally exposed as a bad play caller and a bad game manager, and you shouldn't be surprised if this a second straight week in which GARDNER MINSHEW II outscores The Unfabulous Baker Boy. Thielen will be held down since Minnesota is passing less than a pre-war team, and I promise you that John Ross is not posting 100+ and a TD for a 3rd straight week.
He's benched this week due to injury, but Damien Williams is on his way to being the overhyped bust of draft season. In fairness, I very much wanted him as well, but man. We should've known it was over when the Chiefs grabbed Shady. We're going to look back in 2021 amazed that Williams went before Josh Jacobs and Chris Godwin. Shit, we can look back amazed right now. I'm currently doing it!
DeShaun should be fine against the Chargers unless he loses 3 ribs in a blindside hit, Dalvin is on his way to #1 RB this season, and Sony will be bleeding clock against the Jets all day.
For another week, both Brians will have to wait until bedtime to find out how goes their game, both Sunday and Monday nights. And while it's entirely possible the Bears defense will post 19 points against Case Keenum, I don't think Baker and Chubb will get it close enough to matter. Chubby Chasers stay chasin' that first dub, y'all.
THE PICK: THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 103 - CHUBBY CHASERS 89
ASSTANNER (2-0) vs. TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (1-1)
If McCamey isn't the #1 points team this week, Chris will be for a third straight week. Zeke might only play one half and still put up 18 points and with Gallup hurt, Amari is going to get a lot of looks early. Philly isn't stopping anybody through the air so Golladay should continue to roll, and there's an off chance the Patriots finally find even a sliver of conscience and bench AB after the latest revelations, which would help Josh Gordon tremendously. Why also hurting AB, of course. (Note: revelations as of 9/19/19 so we can keep track)
James White won't be on the field for too many 3rd down swing passes, AP has no chance against that Bears front, and while Terry McLaurin might be an actual good player, Keenum isn't going to have enough time to find him downfield.
I realize that I've picked Scott to score under 70 twice now and been wrong both times, and I promise I'm not doing a thing where I keep saying that until it actually happens so I'm right. I genuinely believe his team sucks huge balls.
THE PICK: ASSTANNER 119 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 67
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTERS (0-2) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (1-1)
Every year, there's a guy I try to trade for early on because I think I'm buying low. I always get turned down and by the end of the year it usually turns out that, no, the guy is actually bad now. It's one of my real blind spots, and thankfully you all save me from myself each time.
This year, that guy is Leonard Fournette. (And, honestly, it might also be Miles Sanders if some of these scouting reports about a lack of vision pan out) Obviously, Fournette saved his night with a single play at the end, but it's equally obvious that he's a bad, bad man. Not in the good bad, bad LeRoy Brown way, but in the he's-actually-bad-at-pro-football way.
Right after Aaron Jones had a good game last week, Coach Matt LaFleur said he wants to make sure Jones and Jamaal Williams have equal carries each week. That does not seem like a good idea to me. Coaches say a lot of things, of course, but that won't help Jones this week. Diggs has the same play calling issue as Thielen, and the Sammy Watkins hype machine will continue to settle down.
Marlon Mack is questionable this week, and if he misses the game, Semi will have a pretty tough choice on his hands between Miles Sanders, Phillip Lindsay, and Carlos Hyde. I might actually go 4 wide with D.K. Metcalf if it came down to it. Maybe Mack will be fine. Running backs barely use their calf muscles anyway.
Thomas and JuJu...so much hope after the draft, so little production this week. JuJu came to Ross Elementary on Tuesday and ended up signing Georgia's cast, which will probably be the best thing he does this week. Georgia described him as one inch taller than me, but wider with muscles. In case you needed to tell us apart in a crowd.
Last year, Brian Barker had 3 first round picks, then started out 1-2 on his way to a 3-11 season. Semi had 3 first round picks this year and is about to start out 1-2 as well. Hopefully he can at least finish 4-10 or something.
THE PICK: SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 87 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 81
SEASON: 3-3
Looks like I shouldn't have sat out the preseason myself. Needed to get some pick reps in so I didn't start the season so flat.
Bri later revealed that he was joking about Cam for a 1st rounder the other day, which is believable. And yet! It had juuuust enough believability in it that I think he was hoping somebody went for it. Like in a movie when the hot girl is complaining that nobody wants to take her to prom and her nerdy best friend says he could take her and there's a pregnant pause and then she laughs and the nerd tries way too hard to cover it up with "Ha ha! Yeah, I'm totally kidding! Can you even imagine?!?"
Speaking of trades that won't ever happen, I can tell you Mark Ingram's fate already. I'm going to keep floating him on the trade block for (reasons) and nobody is going to make a good offer and then he's going to finish the season as a top 10 RB and be a top 5 draft pick in 2020. This exact scenario played out for me last year with Chris Carson. In fact, I think it happened the last time I had Mark Ingram 3-4 years ago.
So I dedicate this song to Mark Ingram. They just won't love you like I do.
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (2-0) vs. THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (1-1)
I picked up the Titans DST for that? Good gravy. Hopefully the other ideal matchups that I have this week will go a little better. Dak and Ingram (love that guy!) will be a part of high-scoring matchups, and even though Tampa's run D might actually be good, Saquon does everything and now has a QB who doesn't move like he's wearing ski boots.
Actually...hmm. Maybe this isn't as good as I thought. Robinson will be open all night, but Mitch sucks. Odell will be busy trying to keep his expensive watch away from Aqib Talib's sticky fingers while Baker bails out from Aaron Donald on every snap, and Mostert is a pretty hopeful play. He basically needs to score a TD to come through. But putting in Goodwin or Samuel would be equally optimistic. Plus, Samuel will be dealing with a backup QB this week and I am simply not buying all of this talk that Kyle Allen will be useful this week. He didn't even play in the preseason. I know Cam has been bad, but where is this Allen hype coming from?
On the other side, the Baltimore D might slow down Mahomes a touch, which means he scores 22 points instead of 32. Evans has a golden opportunity against that Giants secondary, and DJ should get loose in the Cards' first win, though it might be asking a bit much for Kirk and T.Y. to keep it rolling.
HMM.
I know that I would LIKE to win this game. Starting off 3-0 through the first division cycle is always a good thing. But this one is going to be close throughout the Sunday slate and then we'll be watching Gurley vs. Odell Sunday night. I think Larry will come out of the Sabbath with slight advantage, but then I keep that Monday night magic rolling with Robinson in DC.
(Honestly, I am trying that Oprah trick where you speak something into being. I'm not sure how much I actually believe this one.)
THE PICK: THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 110 - THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 103
ANIMAL HOUSE (1-1) vs. RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (0-2)
As hilarious as it would be to see Gary start off 0-3 with the 2nd-most points in the league, it's not going to happen. On a technicality because he won't have the 2nd-most points after this week. Kamara is going to be kept down by Taysom Hill keeping the ball on every single read option and running straight into the pile, Devonta is absolutely cooked, and Gary was way too excited to pick up Brandin Cooks for him to do anything this week.
Side note: I am pretty sure Sean Payton knows more about football than me, but what is his fascination with Taysom Hill? He comes through on like 5% of the plays they try him on. I've seen him complete maybe 1 pass ever. Gary should be highly concerned about the possibility that Hill plays more than Bridgewater.
On the other hand, will Meyers be able to do anything about it even if Gary has a bad week? Brady should be done passing early again, Le'Veon Bell will be the entire Jets offense again (except the Pats will actually focus on stopping him), James Conner looks terrible so far and has a terrible set up this week, and Green Bay suddenly has a really good secondary that can slow down Manny Sanders.
Although...will this one come down to Sunday night with the Rams defense for Meyers going back and forth with Cooks for Gary? I'm gonna say...a late strip sack on Baker seals the deal in this one.
Also...I think CBS is being wildly ambitious with these score projections.
THE PICK: ANIMAL HOUSE 88.2 - RICK FUCKIN' DALTON 86.9
WTTK? (2-0) vs. THE NIGHT BOYS (1-1)
The Brandin Cooks franchise era didn't last long. Barker has now franchised DeAndre Hopkins and not Daniel Jones in a bit of a surprise.
The CAR-Cards game on Sunday has a Kyle and a Kyler facing off at QB, which is a first. I like Kyler to have a good game in the first Cards win, which means Fitz should go along for the ride. The Chargers have a great secondary, but only the Jags really slow down DeAndre. On the other hand, Breida will lose too many snaps in a good matchup, Buffalo has a good defense to get after Boyd, and we said in the Week 2 Review that Barker would start Mark Andrews this week and he'd only score 4 after posting 22 on the bench last week.
Meanwhile, McCamey has nothing but gold up and down his lineup. Here's your top scorer this week, folks. I said Barker could lose 5 straight without some drastic action and this is where he loses his balance and starts tumbling down the hill.
If McCamey was asking for 1st and another pick for Ekeler before the season, I can't even imagine what he's asking for now. Probably your entire 2020 and 2021 drafts with a 2022 4th rounder thrown in as a sweetener.
THE PICK: WTTK? 122 - THE NIGHT BOYS 84
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (1-1) vs. CHUBBY CHASERS (0-2)
As hopeful as I am about starting off 3-0, I'm equally hopeful about Brian Barker actually doing something for a change this week and winning so the rest of my division starting off 1-2.
Even though I'm hopeful, I don't have much hope. I think Baker was absolutely exposed last week and he was seeing ghosts in the pocket on every play. Freddie Kitchens was equally exposed as a bad play caller and a bad game manager, and you shouldn't be surprised if this a second straight week in which GARDNER MINSHEW II outscores The Unfabulous Baker Boy. Thielen will be held down since Minnesota is passing less than a pre-war team, and I promise you that John Ross is not posting 100+ and a TD for a 3rd straight week.
He's benched this week due to injury, but Damien Williams is on his way to being the overhyped bust of draft season. In fairness, I very much wanted him as well, but man. We should've known it was over when the Chiefs grabbed Shady. We're going to look back in 2021 amazed that Williams went before Josh Jacobs and Chris Godwin. Shit, we can look back amazed right now. I'm currently doing it!
DeShaun should be fine against the Chargers unless he loses 3 ribs in a blindside hit, Dalvin is on his way to #1 RB this season, and Sony will be bleeding clock against the Jets all day.
For another week, both Brians will have to wait until bedtime to find out how goes their game, both Sunday and Monday nights. And while it's entirely possible the Bears defense will post 19 points against Case Keenum, I don't think Baker and Chubb will get it close enough to matter. Chubby Chasers stay chasin' that first dub, y'all.
THE PICK: THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 103 - CHUBBY CHASERS 89
ASSTANNER (2-0) vs. TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (1-1)
If McCamey isn't the #1 points team this week, Chris will be for a third straight week. Zeke might only play one half and still put up 18 points and with Gallup hurt, Amari is going to get a lot of looks early. Philly isn't stopping anybody through the air so Golladay should continue to roll, and there's an off chance the Patriots finally find even a sliver of conscience and bench AB after the latest revelations, which would help Josh Gordon tremendously. Why also hurting AB, of course. (Note: revelations as of 9/19/19 so we can keep track)
James White won't be on the field for too many 3rd down swing passes, AP has no chance against that Bears front, and while Terry McLaurin might be an actual good player, Keenum isn't going to have enough time to find him downfield.
I realize that I've picked Scott to score under 70 twice now and been wrong both times, and I promise I'm not doing a thing where I keep saying that until it actually happens so I'm right. I genuinely believe his team sucks huge balls.
THE PICK: ASSTANNER 119 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 67
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTERS (0-2) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (1-1)
Every year, there's a guy I try to trade for early on because I think I'm buying low. I always get turned down and by the end of the year it usually turns out that, no, the guy is actually bad now. It's one of my real blind spots, and thankfully you all save me from myself each time.
This year, that guy is Leonard Fournette. (And, honestly, it might also be Miles Sanders if some of these scouting reports about a lack of vision pan out) Obviously, Fournette saved his night with a single play at the end, but it's equally obvious that he's a bad, bad man. Not in the good bad, bad LeRoy Brown way, but in the he's-actually-bad-at-pro-football way.
Right after Aaron Jones had a good game last week, Coach Matt LaFleur said he wants to make sure Jones and Jamaal Williams have equal carries each week. That does not seem like a good idea to me. Coaches say a lot of things, of course, but that won't help Jones this week. Diggs has the same play calling issue as Thielen, and the Sammy Watkins hype machine will continue to settle down.
Marlon Mack is questionable this week, and if he misses the game, Semi will have a pretty tough choice on his hands between Miles Sanders, Phillip Lindsay, and Carlos Hyde. I might actually go 4 wide with D.K. Metcalf if it came down to it. Maybe Mack will be fine. Running backs barely use their calf muscles anyway.
Thomas and JuJu...so much hope after the draft, so little production this week. JuJu came to Ross Elementary on Tuesday and ended up signing Georgia's cast, which will probably be the best thing he does this week. Georgia described him as one inch taller than me, but wider with muscles. In case you needed to tell us apart in a crowd.
Last year, Brian Barker had 3 first round picks, then started out 1-2 on his way to a 3-11 season. Semi had 3 first round picks this year and is about to start out 1-2 as well. Hopefully he can at least finish 4-10 or something.
THE PICK: SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 87 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 81
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
AFFL Week Review
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 113.5 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 110.1
Bri emailed me Monday morning to say he was nervous about MNF since everything else I had said about our matchup had already come true. I was far too dignified to point out that I said I'd be down 15 points after Sunday, not 33.
(We both knew that he really emailed to complain that I claimed he was stuck with Cam and that he hadn't been trying to trade him for years. I was far too dignified to point out that this wasn't true.)
Admittedly, I had given up hope of pulling off the comeback and was soothing my pain by reminding myself that the 3-team parlay I bet this week hit and that using the $250 that Rivers Casino matches for your first deposit for $100 parlays was pretty genius. (Incidentally, they also offer live betting during games online if you truly want to lose your mind.)
But then Odell was off and running on that slant and I had a very enjoyable final 15 minutes reading the defensive scoring rules and calculating how much damage every Luke Falk pass was doing.
With everybody focusing on the thrilling, riveting, shocking, exciting Monday night finish, a key moment from late Sunday is being overlooked. Cooper Kupp did his own Odell impression, taking a slant pass 70 yards to the house for a late TD that gave Bri an enormous lead. Except...upon review the refs declared that Kupp's knee was down when the ball was about 10 inches away from the goal line, so what was a 13.5 point TD catch became a 7.4 point reception. Those 10 inches cost Bri 6 points in a game he lost by 3.
Cooper Kupp got caught from behind because he's white.
Also, nice effort from Brian Barker to make my feel bad for not starting Raheem Mostert when it looked like I was lose. Now that I've won, all that's done is reminded me how happy I am to have a $0.43 running back who just put up 150 yards and a TD while getting the most snaps and touches of any back on an offense that looks electric this season.
Anyway, this makes up for last year when Bri beat me 114.7 - 112.7.
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 104.9 - RICK FUCKIN DALTON 99.3
How did Gary lose this game after Julio scored that late TD? How does Scott have 200 points in 2 weeks? If I said I really wanted to pick Scott for the upset, why didn't I just go ahead and do it? How mad can Gary be about Alshon getting hurt and posting a 0 when Amendola also posted a 0 for Scott? Did Amendola also get hurt or is he just useless? How rough are the next 6 weeks going to be for Kamara with Brees out? How impressed are you that I said Scott's chances would be better if he benched AB for Terry McLaurin and McLaurin actually outscored AB this week? Does the Patriots scoring a (we assume) record 35 points points make up for however many times Scott lost last year because his defense scored -X? Will Gary remember losing a game because a defense scored 35 points against him forever?
Truly, a lot of questions in this one.
THE NIGHT BOYS 90.9 - SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTERS 86.7
Was there anything more obvious than Sammy Watkins posting single digits with Tim starting after that incredible Week 1? I can't remember exactly who it is, but I think the exact same thing happened to Tim last year with a different WR in Week 2. Actually...it might have been Sammy last season, too.
It didn't seem likely that Austin Siebert would score 16 points to mount a big comeback, but for a decent portion of MNF it at least seemed possible. Didn't happen, though.
I can at least see the logic is Tim starting Tyrell Williams this week since he's Oakland's de facto #1 WR, but if he had started Aaron Jones instead, a guy he has under contract and has turned down multiple trade offers for, he would've won this week.
Brandin Cooks had 2 TDs this week, and the 2nd one came from the 2-yard line when Goff ignore a called run play and whipped the ball to Cooks in between 2 defenders. The ball was about 2 inches from being tipped away, but Cooks held on with his 2 hands, giving Barker the win by 2 points. (Plus 2 additional points)
(Plus 2 more that Tim lost when Fournette was stopped on a 2-point conversion attempt)
Mark Andrews had 21 points on Barker's bench, so enjoy the 4 he scores in Week 3 when Barker starts him.
Barker is now 1-1 and, believe it or not, already has to make some tough decisions this week because he's at a fork in the road. On the plus side, he has great wide receivers and the most cap room to make some deals. On the minus side, he has no real running back, a QB who won't put big numbers this season, and an upcoming schedule that could legitimately deliver 5 straight losses. If he's going to try and compete this season, it's time to move. Otherwise, he can just close his eyes and let the waves take him under.
Wait, I take that whole paragraph back. Daniel Jones is starting this week.
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 82.5 - CHUBBY CHASERS 81.3
Ooh, that Baker INT was a killer. Hey, you go all in on the Browns this season and Browns things will happen to you. While Brian was pointing out how I benched Mostert and lost points, he was hoping nobody would notice he would've won this game had he started GARDNER MINSHEW over Baker. Or if he had started John Ross, who he picked up in free agency this week for, uh, locker room presence, I guess.
Brian has a very angry Kangaroo coming to town next week and then Asstanner is waiting for him after that, so he could be 0-4 and out of the running before anybody puts on a sweater this year.
ASSTANNER 124.3 - ANIMAL HOUSE 101.1
I'm really not sure what to say about Chris' team at this point. About the only hope is that a team like this is always undone in the playoffs by either an injury or a fluke down week, but that's a long time for us to wait for something bad to happen. There will be a week this season when Golladay, Ridley, and Cooper all score like 6 points, but that'll probably be the week Lamar and Zeke combine for 60 and Chris' opponent only scores 52 so it doesn't matter.
I realize I'm doing that way where I write about my game up top and then peter out as I move through the list, but I'm really not too sure what else to say about this one. Meyers would've beaten most teams this week and moved to 2-0, but he ran into a buzzsaw.
It would be interesting, though, if he and The Night Boys started discussing a WR-RB trade that could greatly help out both teams.
WTTK? 89.7 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 58.3
Semi's bench outscored his starting lineup, a symbol of failure usually reserved for Tim. He also lost his QB to injury and his #2 overall WR pick lost that same QB and also his #1 overall WR pick lost his QB. And his first round rookie RB is being held down by his QB, a guy who Bears fans are actively hoping gets hurt.
That said, he didn't lose this game because Brees got hurt (he lost because his entire team was extremely terrible), and it there are plenty of good QBs available in free agency. It'll even open up some more cap room for him.
McCamey did a great job of taking my advice and started Brown over Mixon. That was the right move, not that it actually mattered. He also started 2 TEs which is just really insulting to an opponent. Just some true disrepect for your opponent's abilities.
Bill is now 2-0 and the only division leader under 200 points. The hockey division is already 150 cumulative points behind the Norris and 200 behind the Jules. It's going to be an absolute bloodbath once inter-division play opens up. There are 7 teams with sub-.500 records in the Breakdown and 4 of them are in this division. Gross.
Bri emailed me Monday morning to say he was nervous about MNF since everything else I had said about our matchup had already come true. I was far too dignified to point out that I said I'd be down 15 points after Sunday, not 33.
(We both knew that he really emailed to complain that I claimed he was stuck with Cam and that he hadn't been trying to trade him for years. I was far too dignified to point out that this wasn't true.)
Admittedly, I had given up hope of pulling off the comeback and was soothing my pain by reminding myself that the 3-team parlay I bet this week hit and that using the $250 that Rivers Casino matches for your first deposit for $100 parlays was pretty genius. (Incidentally, they also offer live betting during games online if you truly want to lose your mind.)
But then Odell was off and running on that slant and I had a very enjoyable final 15 minutes reading the defensive scoring rules and calculating how much damage every Luke Falk pass was doing.
With everybody focusing on the thrilling, riveting, shocking, exciting Monday night finish, a key moment from late Sunday is being overlooked. Cooper Kupp did his own Odell impression, taking a slant pass 70 yards to the house for a late TD that gave Bri an enormous lead. Except...upon review the refs declared that Kupp's knee was down when the ball was about 10 inches away from the goal line, so what was a 13.5 point TD catch became a 7.4 point reception. Those 10 inches cost Bri 6 points in a game he lost by 3.
Cooper Kupp got caught from behind because he's white.
Also, nice effort from Brian Barker to make my feel bad for not starting Raheem Mostert when it looked like I was lose. Now that I've won, all that's done is reminded me how happy I am to have a $0.43 running back who just put up 150 yards and a TD while getting the most snaps and touches of any back on an offense that looks electric this season.
Anyway, this makes up for last year when Bri beat me 114.7 - 112.7.
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 104.9 - RICK FUCKIN DALTON 99.3
How did Gary lose this game after Julio scored that late TD? How does Scott have 200 points in 2 weeks? If I said I really wanted to pick Scott for the upset, why didn't I just go ahead and do it? How mad can Gary be about Alshon getting hurt and posting a 0 when Amendola also posted a 0 for Scott? Did Amendola also get hurt or is he just useless? How rough are the next 6 weeks going to be for Kamara with Brees out? How impressed are you that I said Scott's chances would be better if he benched AB for Terry McLaurin and McLaurin actually outscored AB this week? Does the Patriots scoring a (we assume) record 35 points points make up for however many times Scott lost last year because his defense scored -X? Will Gary remember losing a game because a defense scored 35 points against him forever?
Truly, a lot of questions in this one.
THE NIGHT BOYS 90.9 - SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTERS 86.7
Was there anything more obvious than Sammy Watkins posting single digits with Tim starting after that incredible Week 1? I can't remember exactly who it is, but I think the exact same thing happened to Tim last year with a different WR in Week 2. Actually...it might have been Sammy last season, too.
It didn't seem likely that Austin Siebert would score 16 points to mount a big comeback, but for a decent portion of MNF it at least seemed possible. Didn't happen, though.
I can at least see the logic is Tim starting Tyrell Williams this week since he's Oakland's de facto #1 WR, but if he had started Aaron Jones instead, a guy he has under contract and has turned down multiple trade offers for, he would've won this week.
Brandin Cooks had 2 TDs this week, and the 2nd one came from the 2-yard line when Goff ignore a called run play and whipped the ball to Cooks in between 2 defenders. The ball was about 2 inches from being tipped away, but Cooks held on with his 2 hands, giving Barker the win by 2 points. (Plus 2 additional points)
(Plus 2 more that Tim lost when Fournette was stopped on a 2-point conversion attempt)
Mark Andrews had 21 points on Barker's bench, so enjoy the 4 he scores in Week 3 when Barker starts him.
Barker is now 1-1 and, believe it or not, already has to make some tough decisions this week because he's at a fork in the road. On the plus side, he has great wide receivers and the most cap room to make some deals. On the minus side, he has no real running back, a QB who won't put big numbers this season, and an upcoming schedule that could legitimately deliver 5 straight losses. If he's going to try and compete this season, it's time to move. Otherwise, he can just close his eyes and let the waves take him under.
Wait, I take that whole paragraph back. Daniel Jones is starting this week.
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 82.5 - CHUBBY CHASERS 81.3
Ooh, that Baker INT was a killer. Hey, you go all in on the Browns this season and Browns things will happen to you. While Brian was pointing out how I benched Mostert and lost points, he was hoping nobody would notice he would've won this game had he started GARDNER MINSHEW over Baker. Or if he had started John Ross, who he picked up in free agency this week for, uh, locker room presence, I guess.
Brian has a very angry Kangaroo coming to town next week and then Asstanner is waiting for him after that, so he could be 0-4 and out of the running before anybody puts on a sweater this year.
ASSTANNER 124.3 - ANIMAL HOUSE 101.1
I'm really not sure what to say about Chris' team at this point. About the only hope is that a team like this is always undone in the playoffs by either an injury or a fluke down week, but that's a long time for us to wait for something bad to happen. There will be a week this season when Golladay, Ridley, and Cooper all score like 6 points, but that'll probably be the week Lamar and Zeke combine for 60 and Chris' opponent only scores 52 so it doesn't matter.
I realize I'm doing that way where I write about my game up top and then peter out as I move through the list, but I'm really not too sure what else to say about this one. Meyers would've beaten most teams this week and moved to 2-0, but he ran into a buzzsaw.
It would be interesting, though, if he and The Night Boys started discussing a WR-RB trade that could greatly help out both teams.
WTTK? 89.7 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 58.3
Semi's bench outscored his starting lineup, a symbol of failure usually reserved for Tim. He also lost his QB to injury and his #2 overall WR pick lost that same QB and also his #1 overall WR pick lost his QB. And his first round rookie RB is being held down by his QB, a guy who Bears fans are actively hoping gets hurt.
That said, he didn't lose this game because Brees got hurt (he lost because his entire team was extremely terrible), and it there are plenty of good QBs available in free agency. It'll even open up some more cap room for him.
McCamey did a great job of taking my advice and started Brown over Mixon. That was the right move, not that it actually mattered. He also started 2 TEs which is just really insulting to an opponent. Just some true disrepect for your opponent's abilities.
Bill is now 2-0 and the only division leader under 200 points. The hockey division is already 150 cumulative points behind the Norris and 200 behind the Jules. It's going to be an absolute bloodbath once inter-division play opens up. There are 7 teams with sub-.500 records in the Breakdown and 4 of them are in this division. Gross.
Friday, September 13, 2019
AFFL Week 2 Preview
LAST WEEK: 6-0 (Trust me)
SEASON: 6-0
Gary doesn't want me to talk about the league, he does want me to talk about the league, he doesn't want me to talk about the league...this guy's all over the place!
I really did want to skip the previews this year and reduce the pot from a rolling boil to a smooth simmer, but like a guy cutting back on the beer until he goes to a tailgate...fuck it. Here we go.
Maybe if all listen to some chill music everything will be a lot calmer.
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (1-0) vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (1-0)
Here is my experience with the Niners backfield over the last 2 season. Really wanted McKinnon last year, didn't get him, grabbed Breida in the draft in case McKinnon got hurt. Dropped Breida as my last cut the day before McKinnon tore his ACL, didn't get him back. Picked up Raheem Mostert after Breida got hurt, got half a good game out of him before he broke his arm on MNF.
Drafted Tevin Coleman in the 2nd round this year, got half a good game out of him before he got a high ankle sprain, dropped him for Mostert. I hope to get another good half game from Mostert at some point when Breida gets his annual injury.
It's been a fun ride.
Speaking of personnel moves, the window for Bri to trade Cam for anything more than a 10th round pick slammed shut so hard last night that the glass shattered. After trying to trade Cam for 3-4 years, he might be flat out cut this season so Bri can franchise DeShaun and extend Sony Michel to a 2/3 contract. Easing the sting of that mess is that he completely ripped off Larry in the Gurley/Cook deal. I'm never a fan of trading great players just to free up a contract slot, and Bri took advantage of Larry's 2009 AFFL thinking to ship out Gurley's arthritic knee, get a better back (when he actually plays), and make room for Josh Jacobs.
As for this week, I reluctantly started Curtis Samuel in place of Tyreek Hill last night and got just enough to be satisfied. Even though he left 50-60 yards and a TD out there thanks to Cam. But that's probably just a warm up for the 90 yards Allen Robinson will leave on the field Sunday thanks to Mitchy Trubo. But Dak, Ingram, and Saquon should more than make up for it.
DeShaun can't be stopped, but Jacksonville can slow him a bit. I have him in my other league and I did not enjoy the three different times I thought he was knocked out of the game last week. Jacobs wil be taken out of the offense by KC being up 24-6 at halftime, Michel will score early but then the Pats will put the 6th string in against the Dolphins, and the Packers defense might be good against the run. That said, Kelce will go wild against a barren Raiders secondary.
Last week, Bri woke up Tuesday morning to find out he had completed a furious Monday night comeback thanks to Josh Jacobs and the Saints D. This week, he's going to head into Monday night with a 15-point lead, only to watch Odell Beckham, the former Kangaroo rookie star, lead a comeback for the Dude, with a Browns strip sack of Trevor Siemian just being a fun addition.
THE PICK: THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 103 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 94
RICK FUCKIN DALTON (0-1) vs. TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (0-1)
Gary got mad at me this week for making fun of his patented Put A Guy On The Trading Block Right Before Cutting Him move, as if I ruined his chances of getting a 1st for Corey Davis and two 1st for Derrius Guice, one pick for each career knee injury. I guess he doesn't realize the entire league is on to this move. Personally, I love it. I think it's hilarious. But nobody takes it seriously. We all know what you're up to, dudeski! The work he puts in to trade Devonta Freeman for 3 picks right before the roster freeze so he can franchise Kamara will be his best work yet.
It's genuinely hard to decide which Albert has the most ridiculous player in this matchup. Is it Gary with Ryquell Armstead? Or Scott with Matt LaCosse? I mean, seriously.
I truly, truly would love to pick Scott for the upset here, but Gary starting off 0-2 after scoring 115 in Week 1 and like 77 in Week 2 would be incredibly funny, but I just don't see a way that it happens. Maybe if Scott benches Antonio Brown for Terry McLaurin, but even then it would be tough.
I am not making jokes about the Antonio Brown situation.
Oh! I alluded to a Guice/Henry story in the comments last week. Short version is that Gary emailed me at like 1:04pm Sunday to note that he spent all morning trying to figure out his lineup, decided he would start Guice over Henry, then forgot to actually do it and was upset that he forgot. I really don't know how one forgets to do something they are actively engaged in, but Guice got hurt and Henry caught a a screen pass he ran for a 75-yard TD, so...happy accident, I guess.
THE PICK: RICK FUCKIN DALTON 93 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 67
THE NIGHT BOYS (0-1) vs. SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (0-1)
Only 3 teams didn't crack 100 points in a rollicking Week 1, and here are 2 of them. Kyler is really going to struggle on the road in Baltimore, and if he reaches even 10 points, it'll be a pleasant surprise. Cincy got gouged by Chris Carson last week, so maybe Breida will do something good this week, and all 4 wideouts have good matchups this week.
On the other hand, Tim might have even better matchups this week. These 4 games when Sammy Watkins is healthy to start this season are gonna be sick. There's an interesting threesome afoot between Goff and Woods on Tim's side and Cooks on Barker's, and that could go a long way toward determining who comes out on top here.
Serious question: when was the last Tim had the most points in a week? I think it could happen here. Even with Peyton Barber's 15 points safe and secure on the bench.
After he loses this game and falls to 0-2, Barker should figure out how to take advantage of that $1 in cap space he has and make some trades with teams that are right up against the limit. Melvin Gordon is currently costing Chris $1.77 to not play.
THE PICK: SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 119 - THE NIGHT BOYS 102
CHUBBY CHASERS (0-1) vs. THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (0-1)
Mike Evans didn't do nearly enough last night, David Johnson is on the road in the early game (never good for West Coast teams) against a great defense, Todd Gurley is still limited, and DeDe Westbrook's quarterback is Gardner Minshew.
When Baker and Chubb finish off the job in the first half Monday night, Larry will have lost 2 straight weeks thanks to MNF. Not the most rousing title defense I've ever seen.
ASSTANNER (1-0) vs. ANIMAL HOUSE (1-0)
McCaffrey didn't get the ball enough last night, Bell is already dinged up, Brady might not play the entire second half, and Manny Sanders needs to get the ball from Joe Flacco, which is never good. Meyers did score 120 points last week, but he might have a lot of 30-40 point swings from game to game this season.
Man, even Chris Carson is $1.31? The only thing that can slow Chris down this season would be some injuries, and even then it will take more than one to clear out the depth. Although he might just have to eat the $10 in penalties when he starts Zane Gonzalez and the Raiders on their bye weeks.
THE PICK: ASSTANNER 115 - ANIMAL HOUSE 82
LITTLE BABY JESUS (1-0) vs. WTTK? (1-0)
It sounds like Melvin Gordon is planning to hold out for a while, then come back just in time to qualify 2019 as a played season on his contract. So I'm not too sure where that leaves McCamey with Austin Ekeler. I guess he can just play him until Gordon is back and hope that he built up enough wins to just ride it out. I'm sure Chris would be happy to trade Gordon back to free up some space, but I think that's illegal now with the rental player rule.
McCamey already benched Chris Godwin and is benching John Brown so he can play Kerryon Johnson and Joe Mixon, one of whom is hurt and the other is a Lion. I maybe would take it in a different direction, especially with Brown playing the terrible Giants secondary. I'd maybe even play Brown over Davante, since Minnesota has been locking up him and Rodgers lately.
Brees is outdoors against a good defense, which isn't good for him or for Thomas. Montgomery is being limited by his coach and QB right now, and a good Broncos defense this week won't help. Really, McCamey can leave all the points he wants on his bench this week.
THE PICK: WTTK 94 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 76
SEASON: 6-0
Gary doesn't want me to talk about the league, he does want me to talk about the league, he doesn't want me to talk about the league...this guy's all over the place!
I really did want to skip the previews this year and reduce the pot from a rolling boil to a smooth simmer, but like a guy cutting back on the beer until he goes to a tailgate...fuck it. Here we go.
Maybe if all listen to some chill music everything will be a lot calmer.
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (1-0) vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (1-0)
Here is my experience with the Niners backfield over the last 2 season. Really wanted McKinnon last year, didn't get him, grabbed Breida in the draft in case McKinnon got hurt. Dropped Breida as my last cut the day before McKinnon tore his ACL, didn't get him back. Picked up Raheem Mostert after Breida got hurt, got half a good game out of him before he broke his arm on MNF.
Drafted Tevin Coleman in the 2nd round this year, got half a good game out of him before he got a high ankle sprain, dropped him for Mostert. I hope to get another good half game from Mostert at some point when Breida gets his annual injury.
It's been a fun ride.
Speaking of personnel moves, the window for Bri to trade Cam for anything more than a 10th round pick slammed shut so hard last night that the glass shattered. After trying to trade Cam for 3-4 years, he might be flat out cut this season so Bri can franchise DeShaun and extend Sony Michel to a 2/3 contract. Easing the sting of that mess is that he completely ripped off Larry in the Gurley/Cook deal. I'm never a fan of trading great players just to free up a contract slot, and Bri took advantage of Larry's 2009 AFFL thinking to ship out Gurley's arthritic knee, get a better back (when he actually plays), and make room for Josh Jacobs.
As for this week, I reluctantly started Curtis Samuel in place of Tyreek Hill last night and got just enough to be satisfied. Even though he left 50-60 yards and a TD out there thanks to Cam. But that's probably just a warm up for the 90 yards Allen Robinson will leave on the field Sunday thanks to Mitchy Trubo. But Dak, Ingram, and Saquon should more than make up for it.
DeShaun can't be stopped, but Jacksonville can slow him a bit. I have him in my other league and I did not enjoy the three different times I thought he was knocked out of the game last week. Jacobs wil be taken out of the offense by KC being up 24-6 at halftime, Michel will score early but then the Pats will put the 6th string in against the Dolphins, and the Packers defense might be good against the run. That said, Kelce will go wild against a barren Raiders secondary.
Last week, Bri woke up Tuesday morning to find out he had completed a furious Monday night comeback thanks to Josh Jacobs and the Saints D. This week, he's going to head into Monday night with a 15-point lead, only to watch Odell Beckham, the former Kangaroo rookie star, lead a comeback for the Dude, with a Browns strip sack of Trevor Siemian just being a fun addition.
THE PICK: THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 103 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 94
RICK FUCKIN DALTON (0-1) vs. TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (0-1)
Gary got mad at me this week for making fun of his patented Put A Guy On The Trading Block Right Before Cutting Him move, as if I ruined his chances of getting a 1st for Corey Davis and two 1st for Derrius Guice, one pick for each career knee injury. I guess he doesn't realize the entire league is on to this move. Personally, I love it. I think it's hilarious. But nobody takes it seriously. We all know what you're up to, dudeski! The work he puts in to trade Devonta Freeman for 3 picks right before the roster freeze so he can franchise Kamara will be his best work yet.
It's genuinely hard to decide which Albert has the most ridiculous player in this matchup. Is it Gary with Ryquell Armstead? Or Scott with Matt LaCosse? I mean, seriously.
I truly, truly would love to pick Scott for the upset here, but Gary starting off 0-2 after scoring 115 in Week 1 and like 77 in Week 2 would be incredibly funny, but I just don't see a way that it happens. Maybe if Scott benches Antonio Brown for Terry McLaurin, but even then it would be tough.
I am not making jokes about the Antonio Brown situation.
Oh! I alluded to a Guice/Henry story in the comments last week. Short version is that Gary emailed me at like 1:04pm Sunday to note that he spent all morning trying to figure out his lineup, decided he would start Guice over Henry, then forgot to actually do it and was upset that he forgot. I really don't know how one forgets to do something they are actively engaged in, but Guice got hurt and Henry caught a a screen pass he ran for a 75-yard TD, so...happy accident, I guess.
THE PICK: RICK FUCKIN DALTON 93 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 67
THE NIGHT BOYS (0-1) vs. SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (0-1)
Only 3 teams didn't crack 100 points in a rollicking Week 1, and here are 2 of them. Kyler is really going to struggle on the road in Baltimore, and if he reaches even 10 points, it'll be a pleasant surprise. Cincy got gouged by Chris Carson last week, so maybe Breida will do something good this week, and all 4 wideouts have good matchups this week.
On the other hand, Tim might have even better matchups this week. These 4 games when Sammy Watkins is healthy to start this season are gonna be sick. There's an interesting threesome afoot between Goff and Woods on Tim's side and Cooks on Barker's, and that could go a long way toward determining who comes out on top here.
Serious question: when was the last Tim had the most points in a week? I think it could happen here. Even with Peyton Barber's 15 points safe and secure on the bench.
After he loses this game and falls to 0-2, Barker should figure out how to take advantage of that $1 in cap space he has and make some trades with teams that are right up against the limit. Melvin Gordon is currently costing Chris $1.77 to not play.
THE PICK: SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 119 - THE NIGHT BOYS 102
CHUBBY CHASERS (0-1) vs. THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (0-1)
Mike Evans didn't do nearly enough last night, David Johnson is on the road in the early game (never good for West Coast teams) against a great defense, Todd Gurley is still limited, and DeDe Westbrook's quarterback is Gardner Minshew.
When Baker and Chubb finish off the job in the first half Monday night, Larry will have lost 2 straight weeks thanks to MNF. Not the most rousing title defense I've ever seen.
ASSTANNER (1-0) vs. ANIMAL HOUSE (1-0)
McCaffrey didn't get the ball enough last night, Bell is already dinged up, Brady might not play the entire second half, and Manny Sanders needs to get the ball from Joe Flacco, which is never good. Meyers did score 120 points last week, but he might have a lot of 30-40 point swings from game to game this season.
Man, even Chris Carson is $1.31? The only thing that can slow Chris down this season would be some injuries, and even then it will take more than one to clear out the depth. Although he might just have to eat the $10 in penalties when he starts Zane Gonzalez and the Raiders on their bye weeks.
THE PICK: ASSTANNER 115 - ANIMAL HOUSE 82
LITTLE BABY JESUS (1-0) vs. WTTK? (1-0)
It sounds like Melvin Gordon is planning to hold out for a while, then come back just in time to qualify 2019 as a played season on his contract. So I'm not too sure where that leaves McCamey with Austin Ekeler. I guess he can just play him until Gordon is back and hope that he built up enough wins to just ride it out. I'm sure Chris would be happy to trade Gordon back to free up some space, but I think that's illegal now with the rental player rule.
McCamey already benched Chris Godwin and is benching John Brown so he can play Kerryon Johnson and Joe Mixon, one of whom is hurt and the other is a Lion. I maybe would take it in a different direction, especially with Brown playing the terrible Giants secondary. I'd maybe even play Brown over Davante, since Minnesota has been locking up him and Rodgers lately.
Brees is outdoors against a good defense, which isn't good for him or for Thomas. Montgomery is being limited by his coach and QB right now, and a good Broncos defense this week won't help. Really, McCamey can leave all the points he wants on his bench this week.
THE PICK: WTTK 94 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 76
Thursday, December 6, 2018
AFFL Wild Card Preview
LAST WEEK: 5-1
SEASON: 50-22
I've spent the past week centering myself about fantasy football's place in the world. I've come to realize that it's not worth getting upset about something that's just make believe.
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS v. TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS
Congrats to Scott for winning a middling division on the strength of the 2nd-fewest points against. Not sure what his great defensive secret is, but it must be something. Larry, who only had the 5th-fewest points against this year will certainly need to tighten up his defense in order to advance in the playoffs.
Both men will be able to keep their opponents' quarterbacks down, as Mahomes faces a good Baltimore defense and Ben goes into the Black Hole, where the Steelers find ways to put up 450 yards and lose 12-6. That also means that Larry will find a way to make Antonio Brown have a below-average game, though Scott will fight back by keeping Jaylen Samuels under 10 points. But then Larry will counter-counter-punch by holding James White down in Miami, where the Pats traditionally struggle.
Scott probably has no way of preventing David Johnson from having a decent game against the cratering Lions. He should've tried to face Larry in a week when Johnson was going up against the Bears or something. Big mistake there. Not sure how you overlook that at playoff time.
Larry is going to need Cook and Janikowski to put up some points on Monday and it says right here that they will. Wait no, it says they will not. I guess I can make it say whatever I want it to. Scott will do a terrific job of limiting Cook's carries on Monday night and having Seattle go for 2 at least one to seal his win.
THE PICK: TDHAF 72 - TWR 67
THE NIGHT BOYS - ANIMAL HOUSE
Let me tell how I'm going to feel when all 4 Wild Cards have terrible games while I score 97 points.
Bad. Bad is how I'm going to feel.
A true master stroke by Barker this week having James Conner get hurt late last week right before he played Animal House. Those are the types of crafty moves that deliver titles to fantasy owners. Terrific, terrific stuff. And getting Tom Brady to play in Miami the same week? This guy is the real deal when it comes to smarts! But look, when you're only the 8th-best offense in the league, you need to pull out the crafty moves. It's like if a slow 40-something played some pickup hoops. (Say, Mike Barker). You're going to get a lot of back door bounce passes, some 17-foot bank shots, rebounds that somehow bounce right to him...that kind of thing. You look up and think, how did we just lose? Well, you lost because JuJu scored 6 points in Oakland. That's why.
Meyers fell asleep at the switch this week when it came to managing his opponent's matchups, though. It's something he worked on all season, as you can tell by his 3rd-fewest points against total, but I don't know why he skipped it this week. Cohen, Thielen, and Hopkins all have great matchups, and if Barker goes with Cooks instead of hoping Tyler Boyd catches passes from Jeff Driskell (Jess Drifkell?), it'll be another mistake on Meyers' part.
Meyers scored 100+ points this season 7 times. Remarkably, he was only 6-2 in those games. (He did it in the double week, don't complain about my math.) He was under 100 points only 5 times and went 1-4 there. He only scored under 80 once, when he put up an anemic 58 points in a Week 4 loss. Barker, a true Moneyball type, realized his best shot of beating a team that outscored him by 200 points during the regular season is to set up the schedule so he faces Meyers in what will be Meyers' 2nd-worst week of the season. You can only tip your hat to guys like Barker who crunch the numbers like that and find an edge. Great stuff. Great timing.
THE PICK: TNB 84 - AH 71
It is kinda neat that both matchups this week feature 2018 division rivals since the divisions are so important to this league. Double week in the division, 6 total games within the division, a lot of division tiebreakers...doing well in your division is very important.
I mean, sure, I went 5-1 in my division this year, the highest-scoring division in the league. That was the best division record of any team in the league, by the way. But yeah, divisions are important.
Thus ends my football rant. As for the political rant, we're only a month away from pickle heads like Chuck Todd and Wolf Blitzer insisting that the newly-elected Democratic House reach across the aisle to compromise with Republicans, despite the fact that a record number of people turned out to vote for Democrats in the largest midterms voting margin ever since in the face of an authoritarian oligarchy. This is because Todd and Blitzer especially are complete morons who still fantasize about powerful men compromising on the best way to pay for the interstate highway system over scotch in a wood-paneled room.
But nowadays we have a party that doesn't even believe we should have a highway system. I mean, literally. A bumblefuck Utah Senator said highways should be abolished before Civil War 2 starts. I am not a crackpot. Senator Mike Lee is.
And as dirty tricks in Michigan and Wisconsin and literal ballot stealing in North Carolina show, Republicans don't even believe in representative democracy. Republicans cannot be engaged with or brought to the table. They can only be defeated and shamed.
Keep this in mind next year when it's revealed that Russia used the NRA as a filter to make massive donations to the Trump campaign and that's only one of the dirty tricks and 30% of the country tries to talk themselves into why that's a good thing.
SEASON: 50-22
I've spent the past week centering myself about fantasy football's place in the world. I've come to realize that it's not worth getting upset about something that's just make believe.
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS v. TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS
Congrats to Scott for winning a middling division on the strength of the 2nd-fewest points against. Not sure what his great defensive secret is, but it must be something. Larry, who only had the 5th-fewest points against this year will certainly need to tighten up his defense in order to advance in the playoffs.
Both men will be able to keep their opponents' quarterbacks down, as Mahomes faces a good Baltimore defense and Ben goes into the Black Hole, where the Steelers find ways to put up 450 yards and lose 12-6. That also means that Larry will find a way to make Antonio Brown have a below-average game, though Scott will fight back by keeping Jaylen Samuels under 10 points. But then Larry will counter-counter-punch by holding James White down in Miami, where the Pats traditionally struggle.
Scott probably has no way of preventing David Johnson from having a decent game against the cratering Lions. He should've tried to face Larry in a week when Johnson was going up against the Bears or something. Big mistake there. Not sure how you overlook that at playoff time.
Larry is going to need Cook and Janikowski to put up some points on Monday and it says right here that they will. Wait no, it says they will not. I guess I can make it say whatever I want it to. Scott will do a terrific job of limiting Cook's carries on Monday night and having Seattle go for 2 at least one to seal his win.
THE PICK: TDHAF 72 - TWR 67
THE NIGHT BOYS - ANIMAL HOUSE
Let me tell how I'm going to feel when all 4 Wild Cards have terrible games while I score 97 points.
Bad. Bad is how I'm going to feel.
A true master stroke by Barker this week having James Conner get hurt late last week right before he played Animal House. Those are the types of crafty moves that deliver titles to fantasy owners. Terrific, terrific stuff. And getting Tom Brady to play in Miami the same week? This guy is the real deal when it comes to smarts! But look, when you're only the 8th-best offense in the league, you need to pull out the crafty moves. It's like if a slow 40-something played some pickup hoops. (Say, Mike Barker). You're going to get a lot of back door bounce passes, some 17-foot bank shots, rebounds that somehow bounce right to him...that kind of thing. You look up and think, how did we just lose? Well, you lost because JuJu scored 6 points in Oakland. That's why.
Meyers fell asleep at the switch this week when it came to managing his opponent's matchups, though. It's something he worked on all season, as you can tell by his 3rd-fewest points against total, but I don't know why he skipped it this week. Cohen, Thielen, and Hopkins all have great matchups, and if Barker goes with Cooks instead of hoping Tyler Boyd catches passes from Jeff Driskell (Jess Drifkell?), it'll be another mistake on Meyers' part.
Meyers scored 100+ points this season 7 times. Remarkably, he was only 6-2 in those games. (He did it in the double week, don't complain about my math.) He was under 100 points only 5 times and went 1-4 there. He only scored under 80 once, when he put up an anemic 58 points in a Week 4 loss. Barker, a true Moneyball type, realized his best shot of beating a team that outscored him by 200 points during the regular season is to set up the schedule so he faces Meyers in what will be Meyers' 2nd-worst week of the season. You can only tip your hat to guys like Barker who crunch the numbers like that and find an edge. Great stuff. Great timing.
THE PICK: TNB 84 - AH 71
It is kinda neat that both matchups this week feature 2018 division rivals since the divisions are so important to this league. Double week in the division, 6 total games within the division, a lot of division tiebreakers...doing well in your division is very important.
I mean, sure, I went 5-1 in my division this year, the highest-scoring division in the league. That was the best division record of any team in the league, by the way. But yeah, divisions are important.
Thus ends my football rant. As for the political rant, we're only a month away from pickle heads like Chuck Todd and Wolf Blitzer insisting that the newly-elected Democratic House reach across the aisle to compromise with Republicans, despite the fact that a record number of people turned out to vote for Democrats in the largest midterms voting margin ever since in the face of an authoritarian oligarchy. This is because Todd and Blitzer especially are complete morons who still fantasize about powerful men compromising on the best way to pay for the interstate highway system over scotch in a wood-paneled room.
But nowadays we have a party that doesn't even believe we should have a highway system. I mean, literally. A bumblefuck Utah Senator said highways should be abolished before Civil War 2 starts. I am not a crackpot. Senator Mike Lee is.
And as dirty tricks in Michigan and Wisconsin and literal ballot stealing in North Carolina show, Republicans don't even believe in representative democracy. Republicans cannot be engaged with or brought to the table. They can only be defeated and shamed.
Keep this in mind next year when it's revealed that Russia used the NRA as a filter to make massive donations to the Trump campaign and that's only one of the dirty tricks and 30% of the country tries to talk themselves into why that's a good thing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
