AFFL Week 5 Preview

LAST WEEK: 5-1 (That's more like it, baby boy!)
SEASON: 8-10


This song is dedicated to Baker Mayfield and Freddie Kitchens. Put them on a pedestal, they'll only disappoint you.





THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (3-1) vs. ASSTANNER (3-1)
Saquon and Tyreek might return next week, and thanks to the gift win I received last week, I don't feel so bad about this upcoming loss. I just have too many gaps in my lineup right now with Dak facing a tough matchup against Green Bay, Mostert/Coleman, and Curtis Samuel. I promise you, those holes are not a result of me standing still and just taking it. I'm pretty sure every single owner in the league turned away trade talks with me this week. Guess nobody wants to trade until they're out of it or in need of a backup kicker before the roster freeze.

Now, Robinson and Samuel should be set for a breakout considering how much air traffic they've seen to start the season, and Titans should be able to get some turnovers against Buffalo since the Bills lead the league in turnovers, but it's more likely that I'm going to be let down.

I was feeling decent about my chances Thursday night until Carson caught that late TD. I'm facing Zeke in both of my leagues this week, which I'm not feeling decent about at all.

Now, in theory, if Robinson goes off the Raiders defense will struggle, and if Dak has a tough time against GB then Amari will too. Also, it's possible the Chiefs scoring wheel might not land on DeMarcus Robinson this week, and it's also possible that Josh Gordon doesn't do much because the Pats will have no need to pass against Washington.

It's possible that I should win if everything goes perfectly. I don't think it's likely, though.

THE PICK: AT 93 - TDHGNM 74


RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (2-2) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (2-2)
Here's a thought. Meyers could be on his way to 1-4 and needs to clear out Le'Veon Bell in order to franchise McCaffrey before his 3/3 deal is up. The two teams most in position to pick up a franchise player right now are Tim (Kareem Hunt) and...Semi (Vikings DST).

Yes, I'm aware that Gary needs to clear out Devonta in order to franchise Kamara, but Devonta is useless any more.

If Semi wins this week and is right in the hunt in the worst division in the league, it might be time to make a move. And Russell Wilson gave him a great head start on getting that win. Problem is, the rest of this lineup is pretty suspect. Montgomery and Lindsay aren't doing much, Thomas is limited by Bridgewater, JuJu is limited by Rudolph, and Minshew Magic is bound to run into a down game eventually.

On the other hand, Gary has Matt Ryan, Kamara is equally limited by Bridgewater, and Brandin Cooks is limited by his game being over and him only having 6 points. I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be counting on Alshon and the Eagles DST to go off against the Jets, as bad as the Jets are.

Gary's lineup is going to be done for the week after the early games, and he's going to have to sweat out Lindsay and Brett Maher playing in the afternoon. I think he'll be fine. Big comeback win after the rough start on Thursday night.

THE PICK: RFD 97 - LBJ 90


THE NIGHT BOYS (2-2) vs. CHUBBY CHASERS (1-3)
Mike Barker is the lowest-scoring team in the league right now, which I feel has become a frequent occurrence in recent years. It certainly doesn't help that DeAndre Hopkins is only the 25th-best WR in the league, stuck between John Brown and Phillip Dorsett in the rankings.

(Odell is actually 27TH right now!)

But this is a good spot for him to ring up some points, move back above .500 and make his own in the worst division in the AFFL. Hopkins should finally explode against the Falcons at home, and Jordan Howard won't have another 3 TD game, but he is facing the Jets. Keith Butler will probably try to cover Mark Andrews with Stephon Tuitt or something, and the Jags can get at Kyle Allen.

The one concern is that Kyler and Fitz have a great matchup against Cincy, but the last team they came east for the early game, they only scored 10 points in Baltimore. I don't think that will happen here.

All of Barker's players will be done after the 1pm slot, while only two of Barker's players will be started by then. Thielen and the Bears should be decent to start, but the scoreboard is going to show something hilarious like 109 - 27 at 4pm.

Side note: It's going to be great when Minshew outscores Mayfield for a 4th straight week from the bench.

Second side note: Brian has both Darrel and Damien Williams, so he has 2 guys on his roster listed as D. WILLIAMS - RB - KC. How often do you think he has to click into their profiles to make sure he's starting the right one?

THE PICK: TNB 109 - CC 81


SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (1-3) vs. THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (3-1)
It was highly amusing that I wasn't the only person assuming Tim was packing up the season once he hit 1-3, to the point that he had to issue a public proclamation to the league that he wasn't done yet. Great stuff.

Stefon Diggs might be benched for insolence, and if he does play and Cousins doesn't force feed against that terrible Giants secondary, it is over for him. Jammal Williams has to be ruled out this week after that massive head shot last Thursday, but the Packers will still find a way to screw up Aaron Jones' game. Sammy Watkins had 42 points in Week 1. He has 22.7 in Weeks 2-4.

Is T.Y. playing this week? Larry's in a bit of a quandary with him since he's playing Sunday night. If he waits to find out the news on the game time decision, there aren't a ton of guys available to pick up and spot start. And he probably does have to wait since his bench is banged up too.

Honestly, it probably won't even matter.

THE PICK: TWR 115 - SS 86


TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (2-2) vs. WTTK? (3-1)
I reached out to Scott to discuss a trade as well, but he declined as well. I was a little miffed that he didn't even want to chat about, which is an interesting reaction, because I have absolutely no idea who I would want from his team. Wentz, I guess? I just get really restless with my lineup early in every season. None of you have ever pieced this together and tried to take advantage of it, so I am just telling you. Damn.

Scott is starting 2 TEs and a rookie WR in this game, but not the rookie WR he just signed to a franchise deal. His only hope in this game is Wentz, Ertz, and the Pats DST simply destroying inferior competition and covering up all the single digits his other players will post.

McCamey and Chris should figure out a Gordon/Ekeler deal so somebody can start both of them at the same time. If there's ever been a team and a year to start two backs from one team, this is it. (Yes, I am aware Chris already sent a 1st for Gordon in the summer.)

Imagine watching the Sunday night game and hoping LeSean McCoy can score 50 points so you have a chance to win.

THE PICK: WTTK 107 - TDHAF 67


THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (1-3) vs. ANIMAL HOUSE (1-3)
Take a guess as to whether Bri sent an agitated response to me declaring him to be out of it this year and on the decline in general.

I'll give you a moment.

He did.

He mentioned his overall point total and this and that and bunch of really defensive stuff. It's a very sensitive subject. And in fairness, he is going to absolute nuke a franchise that is actually on the decline. Meyers isn't even starting Le'Veon Bell this week (trade time?)

If it wasn't for Jacobs and Chris Thompson facing tough matchups, I might pick Bri to score 130 this week. I wouldn't hate to see Will Fuller get the start over Thompson, actually.

THE PICK: TKSMB 124 - AH 82