AFFL Week 4 Review

THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 67.9 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 53.2
Heart. Guts. Determination. Moxie. Intestinal fortitude. This Dude heard all of the haterz out there saying they wouldn't win this week - that they wouldn't even score 70 points this week. They conceded the point about points but they didn't concede the win.

Will Dissly just came here to replace injured guys, score touchdowns, and chew bubble gum. And he's all outta bubble gum. 15 points from Dissly in a truly heroic effort, not to mention the genius effort by me to pick him up.

This game took me through all of the emotions. I had resigned myself to losing, then on Sunday it looked like I actually had a chance, then Dak didn't do nearly enough on Sunday night to pad the lead, then JuJu didn't do anything on Monday night and I won. Great!

The Vikings DST only scored 5 points with Chase Daniel as QB for Chicago. Marlon Mack got hurt. Hollywood Brown did nothing. Semi didn't quite leave the wrong guy on the bench to lose this game, but if he changed like 4 guys he could've won. A different kind of devastating, I guess.

I predicted that Semi wouldn't have a very good game (right), that I would score 67 points (REALLY right), and that I would lose (wrong).

By the way, the last 5 champs have all scored under 70 points at least once in their title season, so I still feel good about my chances. Interestingly, the first dud comes in the first 4 weeks.

Semi can give up, though.


RICK FUCKIN' DALTON 61 - THE NIGHT BOYS 52.7
Look at this fuckin' shit pile right here. Semi actually could've won this week if he'd faced Barker.

Gary listened to me about starting Moore over Devonta, which cost him 8 points. Not the win, though, so that's good. I would've had to send an apology letter on official team stationary if that had happened.

DeAndre Hopkins threw an INT in this game of all things, on a truly horrendous double pass play call from the 30. If you didn't see, DeShaun threw a backward pass to DeAndre, who tried to throw a pass all the way across the field to another receiver. Except with only 30 yards of field to cover, Carolina had guys everywhere. Truly idiotic from Bill O'Brien.

Barker went chasing Danny Dimes' point from last week and came up well short. Kyler had 4 more points on the bench and Rex Burkhead had 1.2 in the starting lineup. I don't think Burkhead has had a good game as a starter for Barker in the 3-4 years they've been together.


ASSTANNER 112.1 - CHUBBY CHASERS 93.8
This is the third straight week in which Gardner Minshew has been on the bench and outscored summer's consensus Hall of Fame QB, Baker Mayfield. It's the first week, however, in which Adam Thielen has criticized his team's playcalling, pointing out that it's 2019 and teams don't run 40 times to win any more. It's also the first week in which Keenan Allen had under 10 targets and under 10 points, and it's the first time Brian started MVS, which didn't quite work out.

It's not the first week he's lost, though. It's the third one, and it might time for him to start trading players for 2020 picks that he'll blow. If he's smart, he'll trade his guys for 3rd and 4th round picks because it doesn't hurt as much to blow those ones.

If you think I'm wrong about Wayne Gallman, offer Chris a pick for him tonight, because I promise you Chris is trying to move him. In other trade news, I ended up taking Mark Ingram with the 2nd round I got in exchange for Kenny Golladay, and I'm less and less sure about that one each week.

Must be nice to have Gallman and Golladay step up and carry the load when Zeke and Amari don't do much.


THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 107.6 - ANIMAL HOUSE 85.3
I feel like Meyers is good every year, he's actually just been scraping .500 this in this most recent olympiad. His last 4 seasons were 8-6, 8-6, 7-7, and 9-5. He had back-to-back 10 wins seasons in 2013 and 2014, so maybe we just all remember him being good from our youth.

Before that, he was 8-6, 6-8, 7-7, 5-9, 3-11, and 5-9.

Does Meyers secretly stink? Are we fooled because he always has a superstar running back? Is it just me?

Too bad he doesn't actually exist and never trades with anybody, because he could really sell off some pieces for 2020 picks.

Anyway, Aaron Rodgers was benched and outscored Tom Brady by 20 points. Jaylen Samuels and Ronald Jones were benched in favor of James Washington, who I'm not sure even saw the field last night. These were mistakes that cost Meyers the game. Just like real life, Christian McCaffrey is being wasted on a team that isn't going anywhere.

Jacoby Brissett actually outscored Pat Mahomes this week, not that it mattered.


SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 120.9 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 99.3
It's always amusing when Tim beats Scott, and Tim now leads their series 14-13. Scott's all time franchise record is 141-161; Tim's is 142-161. Scott average season finish is 6.5; Tim's is 6.8. These franchises are basically identical.

The silver lining for Scott is that he didn't lose this one because of lineup decisions. His bench was Tyler Eifert (3.7 points), 1 guy on bye, 3 hurt guys, and Trace McSorley for some reason. (That reason is not salary cap, because McSorley isn't the cheapest guy in the league and Scott has $1.55 of cap space now. I guess he wants his backup QB to be an actual backup for some reason.)

Also, if you're wondering, Terry McLaurin is his new franchise player.

Speaking of franchise players, if Scott had kept Fournette instead of AB, he would've won this game. Instead, Fournette scored 25 points for Tim in the big revenge game. Robert Woods scored 22.9 points without a TD thanks to THIRTEEN receptions (equal to a TD now), and Goff could've had a much better game except for his four turnovers. Goff lost more points than Adrian Peterson scored this week.


WTTK? 109.3 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 102.4
DeShaun Watson has been a little hot and cold this season.

Week 1 - 268 yds/3 TD - 28.9 pts
Week 2 - 159 yds/0 TD - 11.8 pts
Week 3 - 351 yds/3 TD - 24.5 pts
Week 4 - 160 yds/0 TD - 11.5 pts

Obviously he'll bounce back next week against Atlanta, but Bri needed him this week in a must-win game. I know many of you are taking joy in Bri having a bad season and having to dump Cam for nothing, but I think that is terrible. I feel bad for Bri. The rest of you of monsters for laughing about this. Shameful.

Bri has Sony Michel under contract but still started Chris Thompson over him. Thompson only had 8 points, which was still better than Michel, but it didn't matter either way.

McCamey also listened to my good advice and started Mixon over John Brown. That actually cost 1.1 points, but again, not the win. Him leaving Chris Godwin's 35 points on the bench was his own doing. Didn't matter this week, obviously, but maybe later for a tiebreaker or something?

Davante and Ekeler combined for 50 (23 / 26.7) points this week and I hope McCamey enjoyed it because they might combine for 9 (0 / 9) this week.