LAST WEEK: 4-2
SEASON: 25-23
Chris astutely observed (2 weeks after I did) that there hadn't been a lot of trades this year. Gary astutely responded (2 weeks after I did) that he thought it was because every team was still in the hunt and not ready to sell off. Great analysis, guys!
I do think we're going to have a pretty frantic Tuesday and Wednesday because 3-4 teams are going to pack it in after this week and try to sell for as many picks as they can get before the freeze. But for now, still nobody wants to share you, NFL players.
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (5-4) vs. WTTK? (4-5)
Mike Barker offered me Rex Burkhead and a 2nd for Mark Ingram. That's really just offering me a 2nd, which is fine. I countered with Ingram for Tyler Lockett, which was swiftly rejected. Lockett did go off last week for 33 points, outscoring Ingram by 20 points in Week 9. And that put Lockett ahead of Ingram on YTD date points by...20. Barker has a lot of WR and desperately needs a RB. I have RB to spare and could use a WR. Made sense to me at least.
McCamey has dropped 4 games in a row and it's about to be 5. With his upcoming 4-6 record, you'd think McCamey might be making a lot of trades come Tuesday, but he'll still only be 1.5 games out of his division lead. So he has a chance. But he'd have a much better chance if he had listened to me a month ago and made a bunch of splash trades with the cap space he had. I told him to take advantage of the soft schedule he started out with, but instead he waited until he lost a bunch of games and then loaded up on expensive backup kickers and QBs. Now he has $0.23 of cap space left and very difficult go/no go decision coming up next week.
Godwin is due to go off this week, but Kittle might miss the game. With Rivers, Ekeler, and Waller letting Bill down on Thursday night, and all of my guys except Odell ready to go off, swapping in John Brown for Kittle just won't be enough.
THE PICK: TDHGNM 105 - WTTK 83
RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (5-4) vs. THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (5-4)
Gary should change his team name to John Wick because yeah, he's thinking he's back. Matt Ryan is back, Alvin Kamara is back, and Devonta Freeman is somehow back after getting cut, then picked up by McCamey, then traded to McCamey. I mean...did I dream those email alerts?
Did you know that Derrick Henry is the #9 RB right now? That's an exceptionally quiet accumulation of points. But Tennessee is going to play Dion Lewis a lot more this week as they pass to catch up to the Chiefs, and the Saints defense will suppress Ryan, Freeman, and Julio.
Did you know that Mike Evans is currently the #1 scoring WR and has 2 30-point games and 1 40-point game? He should go off again this week and Christian Kirk, DJ, and Mahomes will all come along for the ride.
Except the Thursday players, Gurley, and Brett Maher, everybody in this matchup plays in the 1pm slot, so this one will be done early. I'm sure watching SNF and MNF when he needs points is an incredibly stressful experience for Gary as he lives and dies with every single play. But this week I assume he will realize that Brett Maher is not going to score 43 points before the Cowboys game starts. Meanwhile, the other owner in this matchup who easily gets the vapors, Larry, will go from thinking his season is over after dropping 2 in a row to thinking he might defend his title.
THE PICK: TWR 110 - RFD 80
CHUBBY CHASERS (3-6) vs. SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTERS (4-5)
Brian has no chance of winning his division, so he must have the win to keep even slim playoff hopes alive. He will be relying on one Bill, one Brown, and one Dolphin to help him pull it off. Admittedly, it doesn't look good on paper.
On the other hand, can Tim rely count on Jared Goff and Robert Woods to do much outside in the cold against a frisky Steelers defense? And Sammy Watkins has once again pulled off his patented move, having a huge game early in the season to make everybody think this is the year, then doing jack shit the rest of the way. Tim is still starting him this week.
If both of these teams, two of the lowest-scoring teams in the league, are 4-6 after this week, they technically still have a chance. If Tim wins and moves to 5-5, he'd have a playoff spot at the moment. If Brian loses and moves to 3-7, he'll at least have the peace of knowing it's finally over. I'm really not sure which result he'd prefer this week.
I guess...uh...Tim wins?
THE PICK: SS 78 - CC 73
LITTLE BABY JESUS (4-5) vs. TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (3-6)
A.J. Green is still out this week, and here are Scott's options on the bench to replace him: Dez Bryant and 5 guys on a bye. So he needs to make a move to pick up somebody else to play RB/WR, and he needs another move to replace his team MVP, the Patriots defense. He currently has $0.10 in cap space. And he has to do something so he doesn't incur $10 in dead lineup fines. This is really going to be fun to watch.
I was thinking there was a legitimate chance Scott could break the record for fewest points scored this week until I looked in the league history a little more. The top 5 lowest scores in history are all in the 20s. (#1 is technically a 0, I'm assuming from a bad roster in the 2000s). But even in 2018, Brian Barker posted like a 34, and in 2017 Larry had a 26. So Scott won't have the lowest score in history this week, but it will be unbelievably bad.
Semi, desperate for a win, gets a gift this week and will jump to the top spot in the bottom division.
THE PICK: LBJ 89 - TDHAF 40
ANIMAL HOUSE (5-4) vs. THE NIGHT BOYS (5-4)
After multiple years of having the most points against, I'm fine with Mike Barker being above .500 because he has the fewest points against so far.
I'm not too sure what else to say about this impending blowout, except it's wild that Meyers is about to win 5 in a row and get right back into the hunt after looking dead in the water at 1-4.
THE PICK: AH 112 - TNB 71
ASSTANNER (8-1) vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (3-6)
Speaking of points against, Bri Williams has faced 1081 points this season, an average of 120 points for his opponents each week. He's the only team to score 1000+ this season and is 3-6. If he wins this game, he's still alive and if anybody could close out the season with 5 straight wins, it's him. If he loses, Tuesday could see a Dalvin Cook sweepstakes that would be so high stakes it might make ESPN. Bri could basically crown a champion by deciding who he trades Dalvin to. He should demand multiple picks in multiple years. He should demand one draft pick to even return your first email asking Dalvin's price.
But man, nothing like trying to save your season with franchise QB DeShaun Watson on a bye. Nothing like relying on Jameis Winston to not throw 4 picks and score 5 points. Josh Jacobs got out to a great start, but was balanced out by Melvin Gordon. Singletary and Kupp should do well, as should Kelce, but Lamar will go wild against the Bengals.
The Sunday Night game, obviously, will be enormous with Dalvin on one side and Zeke and Amari on the other. But Chris will also have Carson standing by for MNF. Bri will need to have a massive lead to feel secure after the afternoon games wrap up.
Man, this is huge. I really want Bri to win. Partly it's always good when Chris loses, partly because I want him to still be alive and not trigger DalvinFest 2019.
So here's my prediction. Here's a wild one.
Bri will be winning Sunday and looking good. Then Dalvin will get hurt, Zeke and Amari will take the lead, and Carson will run it up Monday with 10 more points. Bri's entire season will go down in flames, leaving a massive crater behind. There won't be enough clarity on Dalvin's injury by Wednesday night for anybody to make a big enough offer.
THE PICK: AT 122 - TKSMB 103
Friday, November 8, 2019
Friday, November 1, 2019
AFFL Week 9 Preview
LAST WEEK: 3-3
SEASON: 21-21
I can't get out of the .500s!
Actually, I have a half-baked theory that will probably never fully bake, but I think the standings are so close this season because more points are being scored and individual matchups are becoming more random.
Last year, teams averaged 87 PPG. Through 8 weeks this season, teams are averaging 99 PPG. And I'm sure there's somewhere to look this up, but it also seems like more guys than ever are posting 25+ points in a game, and even more 35+ point games. It's just shootouts all around and I don't see anything changing throughout the regular season or playoffs.
It makes each matchup more interesting and more games are coming down to the wire, but I don't know if it means anything beyond that.
Speaking of not always understanding what things mean...
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (3-5) vs. THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (4-4)
Tevin Coleman only scoring 5 points the week after he posted 35 was the most obvious thing ever, and yet it was impossible to bench him because of those 35 points. I wish those 35 points would've translated into a win, but Boswell had to miss that 54 yarder and that was that.
I also wish that Garoppolo didn't have his best game of the season last night, but I'm not too worried about this one. Dak and Saquon will have this game finished off for me in the first quarter Monday night.
THE PICK: TDHGNM 91 - TDHAF 74
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (4-4) vs. RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (4-4)
I am sure Gary never envisioned facing Tim in a must-win game to keep his playoff hopes going, knowing that if he lost it would present a potential tiebreaker problem down the line. But here we are in the year of Tim.
Fournette should run wild in England, Diggs will get loose in KC, and Aaron Jones will score in the Packers' home game in Los Angeles. Starting Rudolph is a pretty big problem for Tim, though. I'm sure Indy will just drop umbrella coverage and limit his deep balls.
On the other hand, it's not like Derrick Henry, Alshon, or Royce Freeman are gonna do a whole hell of a lot. I wouldn't expect much from Robby Anderson either since Miami is going to "upset" the Jets.
In other news, Gary picked up Rashaad Penny after I cut him last week, even though I traded a 5th round pick or something to Gary for Penny earlier this season. I'm sure this double dipping makes Gary positively giddy, even though Penny won't do anything for him in 2019, or in 2020 after he selects him with that extra 5th rounder.
You know all that extra scoring I mentioned in the intro? You're not going to find any of it in this game.
THE PICK: SS 75 - RFD 68
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (5-3) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (3-5)
As tight as the standings are and probably will remain, I still wouldn't want to be the first team to 6 losses. Watching Christian Kirk only score 2.6 points last night is a good head start on avoiding that loss.
This matchup features 4 players from IND/PIT on Sunday, and 3 of them are Colts. Larry is stacking Jacoby and T.Y. against Mack and JuJu. I don't really like any of their chances to do anything great.
BREAKING: T.Y. Hilton got hurt in practice and is going to miss 3-4 weeks. Corey Davis, come on down!
There are 3 more players from TB/SEA here, and I like Semi's Russ/Metcalf stack a lot better than Mike Evans. Semi keeps the dream alive for at least more one week.
THE PICK: LBJ 94 - TWR 77
CHUBBY CHASERS (3-5) vs. ANIMAL HOUSE (4-4)
Meyers was down and out just a few weeks ago, but after blowing out Brian Barker this week, he's going to be above .500. Life is funny sometimes.
THE PICK: AH 105 - CC 66
THE NIGHT BOYS (4-4) vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (3-5)
The Cam era has come to an ignominious close. Remember the good old days, when you could've traded for him for only seven 1st round picks? What a time.
Bri left Kenyan Drake on the bench last night, piling up 26.2 meaningless points. He might be slightly miffed about it now, but he'll have forgotten about it by Sunday night. Jacobs, Singletary, and Dalvin will all make up for it.
Tyler Lockett should score against Tampa, but everything Hopkins does gives a little back to Bri and DeShaun. Barker just doesn't have the firepower to keep up in this one.
THE PICK: TKSMNB 108 - TNB 86
WTTK? (4-4) vs. ASSTANNER (7-1)
CBS thinks this is going to be a 1-point game after Kittle put 16 last night. I disagree.
THE PICK: AT 101 - WTTK 85
SEASON: 21-21
I can't get out of the .500s!
Actually, I have a half-baked theory that will probably never fully bake, but I think the standings are so close this season because more points are being scored and individual matchups are becoming more random.
Last year, teams averaged 87 PPG. Through 8 weeks this season, teams are averaging 99 PPG. And I'm sure there's somewhere to look this up, but it also seems like more guys than ever are posting 25+ points in a game, and even more 35+ point games. It's just shootouts all around and I don't see anything changing throughout the regular season or playoffs.
It makes each matchup more interesting and more games are coming down to the wire, but I don't know if it means anything beyond that.
Speaking of not always understanding what things mean...
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (3-5) vs. THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (4-4)
Tevin Coleman only scoring 5 points the week after he posted 35 was the most obvious thing ever, and yet it was impossible to bench him because of those 35 points. I wish those 35 points would've translated into a win, but Boswell had to miss that 54 yarder and that was that.
I also wish that Garoppolo didn't have his best game of the season last night, but I'm not too worried about this one. Dak and Saquon will have this game finished off for me in the first quarter Monday night.
THE PICK: TDHGNM 91 - TDHAF 74
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (4-4) vs. RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (4-4)
I am sure Gary never envisioned facing Tim in a must-win game to keep his playoff hopes going, knowing that if he lost it would present a potential tiebreaker problem down the line. But here we are in the year of Tim.
Fournette should run wild in England, Diggs will get loose in KC, and Aaron Jones will score in the Packers' home game in Los Angeles. Starting Rudolph is a pretty big problem for Tim, though. I'm sure Indy will just drop umbrella coverage and limit his deep balls.
On the other hand, it's not like Derrick Henry, Alshon, or Royce Freeman are gonna do a whole hell of a lot. I wouldn't expect much from Robby Anderson either since Miami is going to "upset" the Jets.
In other news, Gary picked up Rashaad Penny after I cut him last week, even though I traded a 5th round pick or something to Gary for Penny earlier this season. I'm sure this double dipping makes Gary positively giddy, even though Penny won't do anything for him in 2019, or in 2020 after he selects him with that extra 5th rounder.
You know all that extra scoring I mentioned in the intro? You're not going to find any of it in this game.
THE PICK: SS 75 - RFD 68
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (5-3) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (3-5)
As tight as the standings are and probably will remain, I still wouldn't want to be the first team to 6 losses. Watching Christian Kirk only score 2.6 points last night is a good head start on avoiding that loss.
This matchup features 4 players from IND/PIT on Sunday, and 3 of them are Colts. Larry is stacking Jacoby and T.Y. against Mack and JuJu. I don't really like any of their chances to do anything great.
BREAKING: T.Y. Hilton got hurt in practice and is going to miss 3-4 weeks. Corey Davis, come on down!
There are 3 more players from TB/SEA here, and I like Semi's Russ/Metcalf stack a lot better than Mike Evans. Semi keeps the dream alive for at least more one week.
THE PICK: LBJ 94 - TWR 77
CHUBBY CHASERS (3-5) vs. ANIMAL HOUSE (4-4)
Meyers was down and out just a few weeks ago, but after blowing out Brian Barker this week, he's going to be above .500. Life is funny sometimes.
THE PICK: AH 105 - CC 66
THE NIGHT BOYS (4-4) vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (3-5)
The Cam era has come to an ignominious close. Remember the good old days, when you could've traded for him for only seven 1st round picks? What a time.
Bri left Kenyan Drake on the bench last night, piling up 26.2 meaningless points. He might be slightly miffed about it now, but he'll have forgotten about it by Sunday night. Jacobs, Singletary, and Dalvin will all make up for it.
Tyler Lockett should score against Tampa, but everything Hopkins does gives a little back to Bri and DeShaun. Barker just doesn't have the firepower to keep up in this one.
THE PICK: TKSMNB 108 - TNB 86
WTTK? (4-4) vs. ASSTANNER (7-1)
CBS thinks this is going to be a 1-point game after Kittle put 16 last night. I disagree.
THE PICK: AT 101 - WTTK 85
Friday, October 25, 2019
AFFL Week 8 Preview
LAST WEEK: 3-3
Anyway, I'm going to run my game last because I have a lot of Odell talk and if I rant and rave up front, I'll use up all of my energy and the rest of the games will get two sentence previews. And you all deserve so much better.
SEASON: 18-18
The bye weeks are already starting to create some fun times with quarterbacks and the cap. It shouldn't come to this every year, we shouldn't make the same mistakes every year, but when it comes to Teddy B and Matt Moore, a couple of owners are gonna have to fuck and run.
Anyway, I'm going to run my game last because I have a lot of Odell talk and if I rant and rave up front, I'll use up all of my energy and the rest of the games will get two sentence previews. And you all deserve so much better.
Also, I am tired of all of your team names so I am renaming every team with the Wu Tang Name Generator.
PROPHET TALL (2-5) vs. FREEBOOTER GOLDEN (4-3)
It's possible that Prophet Tall could lose this week and then rip off 6 straight wins and back into the playoffs at 8-6, but I don't know how likely that is. Every win is crucial and Dalvin Cook certainly provided a good head start last night. But Josh Jacobs might miss this week with an injury and Travis Kelce could be limited by Matt Moore and the Prophet doesn't have anybody good to replace them. Also, I realize Sony Michel's fantasy points are good lately but his actual numbers are terrible and a bad game has to be coming up soon.
Kupp and Zuerlein should be good this week because the Rams face the Bengals and there's always lots of kicking in London games. Plus...DeShaun.
Although Stafford should keep close to DeShaun against the Giants, and Latavius can have another good game against the Cards. But I'm not sure about Julio if Matt Ryan is down and I don't like Derrick Henry in general, and specifically this week since Tampa can stop the run but not the pass. And Brandin Cooks doesn't do anything at all any more. On the other hand, I'm also not sure who Gary can start instead.
Defenses should be nice, though.
Last week I really wanted to pick Bri to lose, didn't have the courage to do it, and then watched him lose. Maybe something will be different this week.
THE PICK: PT 103 - FG 84
GRUS AMERICANA PINKY (3-4) vs. TRACKER BAD (3-4)
Terry McLaurin is very good and will only get better. I'm still not sure Tracker Bad should've started him last night with Washington running a league-low 42 plays per game. Putrid. He should've put in somebody from his bench like...
HANG
THE
FUCK
ON
DEZ BRYANT?
HE HAS DEZ FUCKING BRYANT ON HIS BENCH? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
So...let me get this straight. The idea is that Dez Bryant, who wasn't good any more before tearing his achilles, will make an NFL comeback, sign with some team, pick up the offense, and be good down the stretch? Is that it? The chances of this happening are so good, that Scott felt the need to add Dez as his 15th player even before an NFL team added him as their 53rd player.
Tracker Bad has $2.27 committed to 2 wide receivers that haven't played a snap this season between AJ and Dez, and Dez may never play again. He turned down multiple trade options for Odell, which...fine.
Tracker Bad has 150 points fewer than Prophet Tall this season, or 21 PPG fewer.
He has 1 more win.
Jesus Christ.
THE PICK: GAP 89 - TB 68
VANQUISHER DARK (5-2) vs. BANDIT PESKY (6-1)
I thought Bandit Pesky picked up Bisi Johnson (only one of those names is made up) just to be cap legal. I didn't think he was actually going to play him. I get that Thielen was out and Washington stinks, but that's a little too much of fantasy football genius writer move for my tastes.
That's what happens when you have no cap space, I guess. Hang on to Melvin Gordon at $1.77 for his 2 yards per carry, though.
Moore is going to throw for like 130 yards against the Packers, and Gordon might run for 13 againt the Bears. Golladay and Carson are going to be pretty nice, though.
Vanquisher Dark needs to get David Johnson out the starting lineup this week and might want to make a FA pickup based on how few guys on his bench are still alive. On the other hand, why bother against this lineup Chris is trotting out? Hell, start DJ and Malcolm Brown even though both are out. That would be some flex.
THE PICK: VD 84 - BP 60
CONQUEROR UNPLEASANT (3-4) vs. MITT FICKLE (3-4)
Conqueror Unpleasant turned down an offer of Odell Beckham straight up for Miles Sanders. MILES SANDERS. He also just signed Michael Thomas this week, which will bump his 2020 salary up to $2.16 next year, which is about how much Odell costs, right after saying he couldn't afford him.
Anyway, Russell has a great matchup this week, both Mack and Lindsay are decent, and Michael Thomas is matchup proof, even against Patrick Peterson. DJ Chark and JuJu should even get loose against extremely bad teams this week.
Two straight wins have Mitt Fickle back in the hunt, temporarily pausing the grave digging work everybody was doing for them. We got to about 5 feet down and then stopped to see what happens. Brady and Edelman should light up the Browns because I'm sure Belichick wants to score 50 on them, and Conner should have a huge game against Miami. And who knows what the Rams D is capable of against Andy Dalton. (I also feel like London games have an unusually high number of defensive TDs. I'm sure I could look that up somewhere if I felt like it.)
But the Niners can slow McCaffrey (so he only scores 14, not 24) and Le'Veon just has no room to work at all. I think we can go back to digging after this week.
THE PICK: CU 107 - MF 93
NINJA AMAZING (4-3) vs BUDDHIST WELL-THOUGHT-OF (2-5)
You know you're having a bad season when you even end up with the worst Wu name. The hell is that?
The Bengals have 372 rushing yards this season and have allowed 1,323. This is one of the worst ratios in league history. It's not going to get any better this week. Joe Mixon might not play another game for Ninja Amazing this season, and it might be time to move on from his franchise player already. If only there was an incredibly dynamic FP out there who's trade value was as low as it'll ever be.
Minshew should bounce back against the Jets this week (I mean like...14 points), and if Keenan Allen is out, Ekeler might catch another 15 passes. Plus, Godwin, Waller, and John Brown all have nice matchups this week.
I put in for Ty Johnson this week like everybody else, but let's see him actually do something first before we get too excited. Nick Chubb isn't going to have room to run.
Good lord, this is an ugly game. The lucky run continues for Ninja Amazing. It's really time to make some splash trades and take advantage of this break.
THE PICK: NA 79 - BWTO 50
GENUS MUSTELA MIDNIGHT (3-4) vs. ADJUDICATOR OPTICAL (4-3)
Okay...so, Odell. I can't even give him away right now. Everybody is so afraid of his contract, and even Gary is chiming in about it being a huge mistake. So I just asked Gary flat out what the penalty is for cutting him and...
...y'all are complete babies.
If I cut him this year, the 2020 cap penalty is like $1.18. If I cut him next year, the 2021 penalty is $1.13.
$1.13!
I have a $2 QB, a $1.55 RB, and the most expensive kicker in the league and I still have $0.40 in cap space. McCamey was sitting on $1.50 in space last week. Scott just signed a guy who isn't even in the league for $0.75.
Yes, the Browns are off to a poor start this season. Yes, it seems impossible that they will turn it around.
Hey, for no reason at all, here are the Browns' opponents in certain weeks still to come:
Week 12 (double week) - MIA
Week 14 (Wild Card) - CIN
Week 15 (Conf Champ) - ARI
Week 16 (AFFL Bowl) - BAL
Would be totally awful to have a guy who can take a slant route 80 yards for a TD against very terrible defenses in some very important weeks this winter. Not a good strategy at all if you're trying to make a run this year.
Anyway, while I'm complaining this week, after I was done complaining last week about a lack of trades, Gary reached out to me to talk. I thought we might actually get somewhere so I told him the only guys he had that I was interested in were Kamara and Julio and the only guy I have who's off limits is Saquon.
He fired over the following offer:
Julio Jones
FOR
Mark Ingram
Tyreek Hill
2020 1st
2020 2nd
Now...Ingram is currently outscoring Julio. Tyreek got hurt, but they have the same PPG. Tyreek was the #1 WR last year. Both are cheaper than Julio.
I mean...I don't want to hear about my offers being ridiculous ever again.
Anyway, let's finally talk about this matchup. Ironically, after all that Odell fuss, there's a legitimate chance I bench him for AJ Brown this week. As absurd as that sounds, Odell isn't going to pile up yards against Stephon Gilmore and Baker is also going to be seeing ghost this week. He's going to be TD or bust, whereas AJ faces a bad Tampa pass D. AJ might score 20 this week, believe it or not.
If Brees actually plays this week - which would make NO sense with their bye coming next week - the amount of roster maneuvering I'm going to have to do to replace Teddy B will be asburd. And it probably won't even matter because Tim has all good matchups this week, and every single one of my guys is a question mark.
THE PICK: GMM 113 - AO 94
PROPHET TALL (2-5) vs. FREEBOOTER GOLDEN (4-3)
It's possible that Prophet Tall could lose this week and then rip off 6 straight wins and back into the playoffs at 8-6, but I don't know how likely that is. Every win is crucial and Dalvin Cook certainly provided a good head start last night. But Josh Jacobs might miss this week with an injury and Travis Kelce could be limited by Matt Moore and the Prophet doesn't have anybody good to replace them. Also, I realize Sony Michel's fantasy points are good lately but his actual numbers are terrible and a bad game has to be coming up soon.
Kupp and Zuerlein should be good this week because the Rams face the Bengals and there's always lots of kicking in London games. Plus...DeShaun.
Although Stafford should keep close to DeShaun against the Giants, and Latavius can have another good game against the Cards. But I'm not sure about Julio if Matt Ryan is down and I don't like Derrick Henry in general, and specifically this week since Tampa can stop the run but not the pass. And Brandin Cooks doesn't do anything at all any more. On the other hand, I'm also not sure who Gary can start instead.
Defenses should be nice, though.
Last week I really wanted to pick Bri to lose, didn't have the courage to do it, and then watched him lose. Maybe something will be different this week.
THE PICK: PT 103 - FG 84
GRUS AMERICANA PINKY (3-4) vs. TRACKER BAD (3-4)
Terry McLaurin is very good and will only get better. I'm still not sure Tracker Bad should've started him last night with Washington running a league-low 42 plays per game. Putrid. He should've put in somebody from his bench like...
HANG
THE
FUCK
ON
DEZ BRYANT?
HE HAS DEZ FUCKING BRYANT ON HIS BENCH? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
So...let me get this straight. The idea is that Dez Bryant, who wasn't good any more before tearing his achilles, will make an NFL comeback, sign with some team, pick up the offense, and be good down the stretch? Is that it? The chances of this happening are so good, that Scott felt the need to add Dez as his 15th player even before an NFL team added him as their 53rd player.
Tracker Bad has $2.27 committed to 2 wide receivers that haven't played a snap this season between AJ and Dez, and Dez may never play again. He turned down multiple trade options for Odell, which...fine.
Tracker Bad has 150 points fewer than Prophet Tall this season, or 21 PPG fewer.
He has 1 more win.
Jesus Christ.
THE PICK: GAP 89 - TB 68
VANQUISHER DARK (5-2) vs. BANDIT PESKY (6-1)
I thought Bandit Pesky picked up Bisi Johnson (only one of those names is made up) just to be cap legal. I didn't think he was actually going to play him. I get that Thielen was out and Washington stinks, but that's a little too much of fantasy football genius writer move for my tastes.
That's what happens when you have no cap space, I guess. Hang on to Melvin Gordon at $1.77 for his 2 yards per carry, though.
Moore is going to throw for like 130 yards against the Packers, and Gordon might run for 13 againt the Bears. Golladay and Carson are going to be pretty nice, though.
Vanquisher Dark needs to get David Johnson out the starting lineup this week and might want to make a FA pickup based on how few guys on his bench are still alive. On the other hand, why bother against this lineup Chris is trotting out? Hell, start DJ and Malcolm Brown even though both are out. That would be some flex.
THE PICK: VD 84 - BP 60
CONQUEROR UNPLEASANT (3-4) vs. MITT FICKLE (3-4)
Conqueror Unpleasant turned down an offer of Odell Beckham straight up for Miles Sanders. MILES SANDERS. He also just signed Michael Thomas this week, which will bump his 2020 salary up to $2.16 next year, which is about how much Odell costs, right after saying he couldn't afford him.
Anyway, Russell has a great matchup this week, both Mack and Lindsay are decent, and Michael Thomas is matchup proof, even against Patrick Peterson. DJ Chark and JuJu should even get loose against extremely bad teams this week.
Two straight wins have Mitt Fickle back in the hunt, temporarily pausing the grave digging work everybody was doing for them. We got to about 5 feet down and then stopped to see what happens. Brady and Edelman should light up the Browns because I'm sure Belichick wants to score 50 on them, and Conner should have a huge game against Miami. And who knows what the Rams D is capable of against Andy Dalton. (I also feel like London games have an unusually high number of defensive TDs. I'm sure I could look that up somewhere if I felt like it.)
But the Niners can slow McCaffrey (so he only scores 14, not 24) and Le'Veon just has no room to work at all. I think we can go back to digging after this week.
THE PICK: CU 107 - MF 93
NINJA AMAZING (4-3) vs BUDDHIST WELL-THOUGHT-OF (2-5)
You know you're having a bad season when you even end up with the worst Wu name. The hell is that?
The Bengals have 372 rushing yards this season and have allowed 1,323. This is one of the worst ratios in league history. It's not going to get any better this week. Joe Mixon might not play another game for Ninja Amazing this season, and it might be time to move on from his franchise player already. If only there was an incredibly dynamic FP out there who's trade value was as low as it'll ever be.
Minshew should bounce back against the Jets this week (I mean like...14 points), and if Keenan Allen is out, Ekeler might catch another 15 passes. Plus, Godwin, Waller, and John Brown all have nice matchups this week.
I put in for Ty Johnson this week like everybody else, but let's see him actually do something first before we get too excited. Nick Chubb isn't going to have room to run.
Good lord, this is an ugly game. The lucky run continues for Ninja Amazing. It's really time to make some splash trades and take advantage of this break.
THE PICK: NA 79 - BWTO 50
GENUS MUSTELA MIDNIGHT (3-4) vs. ADJUDICATOR OPTICAL (4-3)
Okay...so, Odell. I can't even give him away right now. Everybody is so afraid of his contract, and even Gary is chiming in about it being a huge mistake. So I just asked Gary flat out what the penalty is for cutting him and...
...y'all are complete babies.
If I cut him this year, the 2020 cap penalty is like $1.18. If I cut him next year, the 2021 penalty is $1.13.
$1.13!
I have a $2 QB, a $1.55 RB, and the most expensive kicker in the league and I still have $0.40 in cap space. McCamey was sitting on $1.50 in space last week. Scott just signed a guy who isn't even in the league for $0.75.
Yes, the Browns are off to a poor start this season. Yes, it seems impossible that they will turn it around.
Hey, for no reason at all, here are the Browns' opponents in certain weeks still to come:
Week 12 (double week) - MIA
Week 14 (Wild Card) - CIN
Week 15 (Conf Champ) - ARI
Week 16 (AFFL Bowl) - BAL
Would be totally awful to have a guy who can take a slant route 80 yards for a TD against very terrible defenses in some very important weeks this winter. Not a good strategy at all if you're trying to make a run this year.
Anyway, while I'm complaining this week, after I was done complaining last week about a lack of trades, Gary reached out to me to talk. I thought we might actually get somewhere so I told him the only guys he had that I was interested in were Kamara and Julio and the only guy I have who's off limits is Saquon.
He fired over the following offer:
Julio Jones
FOR
Mark Ingram
Tyreek Hill
2020 1st
2020 2nd
Now...Ingram is currently outscoring Julio. Tyreek got hurt, but they have the same PPG. Tyreek was the #1 WR last year. Both are cheaper than Julio.
I mean...I don't want to hear about my offers being ridiculous ever again.
Anyway, let's finally talk about this matchup. Ironically, after all that Odell fuss, there's a legitimate chance I bench him for AJ Brown this week. As absurd as that sounds, Odell isn't going to pile up yards against Stephon Gilmore and Baker is also going to be seeing ghost this week. He's going to be TD or bust, whereas AJ faces a bad Tampa pass D. AJ might score 20 this week, believe it or not.
If Brees actually plays this week - which would make NO sense with their bye coming next week - the amount of roster maneuvering I'm going to have to do to replace Teddy B will be asburd. And it probably won't even matter because Tim has all good matchups this week, and every single one of my guys is a question mark.
THE PICK: GMM 113 - AO 94
Friday, October 18, 2019
AFFL Week 7 Preview
LAST WEEK: 3-3
SEASON: 15-15
The next 3 weeks are going to be pretty interesting heading into the freeze. No team is truly out of it, although Tim, Meyers, and the Brians will be if they drop 2 more games. Even Brian Williams, #1 team in the Power Rankings but maybe #6-7 in your heart, will have the holidays off if he loses 2 more.
But how much player for picks movement are we going to see in the next 4 weeks? Picks are totally devalued now, and here is the list of players that could be a high 2020 draft pick based on current contracts:
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (3-3) vs THE NIGHT BOYS (3-3)
Just to be clear, it's obvious that I do not see player value the same as everybody else in the league, and that's okay. We all have the same information at this point and some people are going to interpret it in different ways. But for the life of me, I cannot figure out how Mark Ingram gets drafted in the 2nd round in 2019, has a top-15 RB season, and LOSES a round in value. Scott does have a valid point that Ingram's total is skewed with a 33-point game, but how many guys can actually put up a 33-point game?
I guess it's just me, which is fine, since I mostly want to trade out of boredom.
Elsewhere, I truly cannot believe I waited weeks to have Saquon and Tyreek back together and now I may not be able to start Tyreek for another month. At least he got one last night.
But either way, Saquon is back, and if Devonta Freeman could score 24 against the Cardinals defense, how many is Saquon going to put up? 40? Kyle Shanahan loves Tevin Coleman and hates Dan Snyder, so he's going to look to pile up the points, and Mark Ingram doesn't do anything but score touchdowns. One concern is needing to bench Allen Robinson against Marshon Lattimore, who is shutting down everybody he faces. That leaves me hoping that AJ Brown can get lucky on a couple from Ryan Tannehill, which is an all or nothing play. But Amari, Randall Cobb, and Tyron Smith are all expected to play now, so Dak will light up the Eagles.
DeAndre is bound to break out at some point, but I hope it's next week. Gore should score and run clock against Miami, but the rest of this lineup is a bunch of 11-point guys.
THE PICK: TDHGNM 122 - TNB 86
RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (3-3) vs CHUBBY CHASERS (2-4)
Brian cannot possibly start the wrong QB this week because Jameis is on a bye. He CANNOT mess this up. Plus, Josh Allen is facing the lowly Dolphins, which will really help. And the Bears defense is facing a Saints team with no Brees AND no Kamara.
I really want to like the Chubbers big this week, but there are a lot of question marks here. Breida is secondary to Coleman right now, Keenan hasn't done anything in a month because the Chargers' o-line is made out of sand, and Detroit's defense should be able to take away either Thielen or Diggs. Engram should be nice against the Cardinals, though.
On the other hand, is Gary seriously going to win without Kamara? The Rams defense hasn't been the same this year and Atlanta is home this week, but it's asking a lot for Ryan, Freeman, and Julio to win a game for him two weeks in a row. Jags D against Cincy is nice, but it'll only balance out the Bears.
Hmm. This is interesting. Brian was ready to throw in the towel on the season just last week, but a win here puts him right back in it with Chubb coming off a bye next week. He could be .500 before you know it. Whereas Gary plays the other Bri next week, meaning he could be 3-5 and facing some tough decisions.
I mean, how can this not be a Chubby week when they got 11.6 points from Courtland Sutton in a game in which it looked like the Broncos were giving up? Chasers roll this week.
THE PICK: CC 93 - RFD 79
ASSTANNER (5-1) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (3-3)
There is nothing you can offer Chris to pry Lamar Jackson away. Believe me, I tried. Actually, there's another guy who should be signed to a contract. If Chris waits much longer, he's going to cost $2.40 next season. It's worth cutting Calvin Ridley to make room for Lamar.
This game features both quarterbacks from the BAL/SEA game (neat!), and Semi with both backs from the IND/HOU game (yuck!) This is going to be a pretty low scoring game outside of the two quarterbacks. Zeke is Zeke, but the Eagles can stop the run and they can't stop the pass, and even Jason Garrett shouldn't be able to screw up that game plan. Melvin Gordon suddenly isn't good any more, and the Vikings D can slow down Golladay and the Lions.
Michael Thomas is the only guys the Bears have to worry about, so he'll be held down. DJ Chark is surprisingly awesome, but these first outdoor, windy, cold games never go well for southern teams.
That basically leaves Chris Carson to be the difference in this one.
THE PICK: AT 81 - LBJ 76
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (3-3) vs THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (4-2)
I guess I need to root for Scott for divisional purposes. Now I'll know what he goes through every week. It's hard to believe he's won at all this season, but since he's 6th in PF and 7th in PA, I guess a 3-3 record makes sense. That PA is only going to get better this week with Mahomes only putting up 6 before he got hurt, and Gurley in danger of not playing at all (if Gurley is out, I am ABSOLUTELY putting in Darrell Henderson).
T.Y. and Henry should be nice, though, and the Bills D can do some damage against the Dolphins.
Wentz should be passing a lot trying to keep up with Dallas, but the Pats won't need to pass much against the Jets, so forget about James White. Terry McLaurin is great (and McLaurin F1 is an amazing nickname), but the Niners defense is going to destroy Washington. That leaves Scott with 2 TEs, a kicker who might be cut after 2 weeks, and a Patriots D that is finally facing a good QB on the road in prime time.
Scott is heading toward his worst score of the season.
THE PICK: TWR 84 - TDHAF 65
ANIMAL HOUSE (2-4) vs WTTK? (4-2)
One team that definitely won't be trading their players away for picks is Animal House. And in this matchup, a game he must win against the 10th-highest scoring team in the league, he was forced to start 2 Broncos receivers because his bench consists of 1 QB and 5 guys on bye. And Edelman, in his starting lineup, is no sure thing to play.
If there was ever a time for a trade to save a season, along with one owner signaling that he was so desperate to make a trade that he could be ripped off, this was it. But...nothing. Just gonna sit there and take it.
(Meyers, if you're reading this, there's still time! I can still be had!)
McCamey is starting Minshew over Rivers if you're still wondering about the power of television to influence society. I know Rivers and the Chargers looked terrible in front of a national audience last week, but Minshew looked terrible in private last week. Only 3.5 points.
McCamey is benching franchise player Joe Mixon in favor of Austin Ekeler, who's now a glorified swing back until the Chargers give up on Gordon.
Speaking of trade opportunities, I'm aware that the Odell contract is...cumbersome. But damn, I just watched like 4 teams start the year with around $.04 in cap space and turn out just fine. Dropping the cap penalty for cutting a guy has completely changed the math. McCamey has $1.50 in cap space, a #1 WR with a bad toe, a franchise back he doesn't even play any more, tons of contract space in 2020, and a (soon to be) 5-2 record that he lucked in to thanks to a combination of the fewest PA and being in the worst division. If there was ever a time to make a big, bold splash move, it's now!
I've reached out to him and all but said please rip me off, but...nothing. I've seen more courage from Mitt Romney.
THE PICK: WTTK 98 - AH 69
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (2-4) vs SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER
Bri has absolutely blown away my skewed Power Rankings / Record ratio from last year. This is truly something to behold. Although, curiously, only the 2nd-most PA so far. Meyers has faced 25 more points from opponents to date.
Wait, Tim started Noah Fant this week? Even with all of the guys he has on bye, he didn't want to drop his backup kicker or franchise player who isn't returning until Week 10 and won't take the job from Nick Chubb anyway for somebody better than Noah Fant? Do I have that right?
Wow.
I mean, it's not like Bri got a ton out of Kelce last night, but he still did a lot more than Noah Fant.
Noah Fant? More like...no a fan of that move, am I right?!?
Jared Goff has been completely and utterly exposed, but so has the Falcons D, so maybe he can do something this week.
Speaking of, everybody jumps on "offensive gurus" who struggle with bad QBs like Adam Gase or Brian Billick or Jay Gruden or whomever, but Dan Quinn won a Super Bowl as the Seattle D coordinator and hasn't had a good defense in Atlanta in like 6 years. How is this any different? It's almost like...really good players make coaches look really good.
Although Randy Fichtner's next job is going to be at like Utah State or some shit.
Anyway, whether Goff targets Cooper Kupp or Robert Woods more will have a huge effect on this matchup. And did you know that Will Fuller dropped 3 more TDs last week? That's what the game recaps say, at least! If he can catch at least one against the Colts this week, that will really help out Bri a lot.
This matchup is a lot more interesting than it might seem at first glance. Both QBs have good matchups, though there's more chance of the Colts getting after Watson than the Falcons touching Goff. Fournette - who's quietly put up huge points this season - has a great matchup against the Bungles, but all of the other backs face decent to good defenses. Detroit might take Diggs away, but Fuller might take himself away.
As hilarious as it would be to see Bri fall to 2-5 after losing to Tim...as much as I am really, really hoping for it...I just can't see it.
THE PICK: TKSMB 101 - SS 90
SEASON: 15-15
The next 3 weeks are going to be pretty interesting heading into the freeze. No team is truly out of it, although Tim, Meyers, and the Brians will be if they drop 2 more games. Even Brian Williams, #1 team in the Power Rankings but maybe #6-7 in your heart, will have the holidays off if he loses 2 more.
But how much player for picks movement are we going to see in the next 4 weeks? Picks are totally devalued now, and here is the list of players that could be a high 2020 draft pick based on current contracts:
- Le'Veon Bell
- Amari Cooper (I'm assuming Chris will cut one of the Gordons and extend Amari, though maybe not since that would give him a $2.50+ price tag next year)
- Kenny Golladay (or as Joe Tessitore says, Galladay)
- Chris Carson
- Lamar Jackson
- Michael Thomas / JuJu (Why didn't Semi give these guys contracts right after the draft?)
- Aaron Jones (unless Tim franchises him)
- Chris Godwin (McCamey HAS to sign him up to a deal, right?)
- Mike Evans
- Todd Gurley (no idea what team he'll be on or if he'll have 2 knees)
- Dalvin Cook (next year's #1 pick)
- Odell / Tyreek
- Mark Ingram
- Tevin Coleman
- A buncha rookie running backs
In other words, the same first round nobody was excited about this year. Honestly, I think at this point if you're trending towards being out of the playoffs, you sign anybody and everybody that you think could be useful next year, cut whatever bad contracts are in their way, and keep your own picks to try and be better next year.
Also...I really cannot believe Michael Thomas and Godwin don't have contracts already. That is insane.
Speaking of guys nobody wants, I dedicate this week's song to Mark Ingram and Odell Beckham. Don't let them tell your place is in the middle and they hate when you shine. The joke's on them.
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (3-3) vs THE NIGHT BOYS (3-3)
Just to be clear, it's obvious that I do not see player value the same as everybody else in the league, and that's okay. We all have the same information at this point and some people are going to interpret it in different ways. But for the life of me, I cannot figure out how Mark Ingram gets drafted in the 2nd round in 2019, has a top-15 RB season, and LOSES a round in value. Scott does have a valid point that Ingram's total is skewed with a 33-point game, but how many guys can actually put up a 33-point game?
I guess it's just me, which is fine, since I mostly want to trade out of boredom.
Elsewhere, I truly cannot believe I waited weeks to have Saquon and Tyreek back together and now I may not be able to start Tyreek for another month. At least he got one last night.
But either way, Saquon is back, and if Devonta Freeman could score 24 against the Cardinals defense, how many is Saquon going to put up? 40? Kyle Shanahan loves Tevin Coleman and hates Dan Snyder, so he's going to look to pile up the points, and Mark Ingram doesn't do anything but score touchdowns. One concern is needing to bench Allen Robinson against Marshon Lattimore, who is shutting down everybody he faces. That leaves me hoping that AJ Brown can get lucky on a couple from Ryan Tannehill, which is an all or nothing play. But Amari, Randall Cobb, and Tyron Smith are all expected to play now, so Dak will light up the Eagles.
DeAndre is bound to break out at some point, but I hope it's next week. Gore should score and run clock against Miami, but the rest of this lineup is a bunch of 11-point guys.
THE PICK: TDHGNM 122 - TNB 86
RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (3-3) vs CHUBBY CHASERS (2-4)
Brian cannot possibly start the wrong QB this week because Jameis is on a bye. He CANNOT mess this up. Plus, Josh Allen is facing the lowly Dolphins, which will really help. And the Bears defense is facing a Saints team with no Brees AND no Kamara.
I really want to like the Chubbers big this week, but there are a lot of question marks here. Breida is secondary to Coleman right now, Keenan hasn't done anything in a month because the Chargers' o-line is made out of sand, and Detroit's defense should be able to take away either Thielen or Diggs. Engram should be nice against the Cardinals, though.
On the other hand, is Gary seriously going to win without Kamara? The Rams defense hasn't been the same this year and Atlanta is home this week, but it's asking a lot for Ryan, Freeman, and Julio to win a game for him two weeks in a row. Jags D against Cincy is nice, but it'll only balance out the Bears.
Hmm. This is interesting. Brian was ready to throw in the towel on the season just last week, but a win here puts him right back in it with Chubb coming off a bye next week. He could be .500 before you know it. Whereas Gary plays the other Bri next week, meaning he could be 3-5 and facing some tough decisions.
I mean, how can this not be a Chubby week when they got 11.6 points from Courtland Sutton in a game in which it looked like the Broncos were giving up? Chasers roll this week.
THE PICK: CC 93 - RFD 79
ASSTANNER (5-1) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (3-3)
There is nothing you can offer Chris to pry Lamar Jackson away. Believe me, I tried. Actually, there's another guy who should be signed to a contract. If Chris waits much longer, he's going to cost $2.40 next season. It's worth cutting Calvin Ridley to make room for Lamar.
This game features both quarterbacks from the BAL/SEA game (neat!), and Semi with both backs from the IND/HOU game (yuck!) This is going to be a pretty low scoring game outside of the two quarterbacks. Zeke is Zeke, but the Eagles can stop the run and they can't stop the pass, and even Jason Garrett shouldn't be able to screw up that game plan. Melvin Gordon suddenly isn't good any more, and the Vikings D can slow down Golladay and the Lions.
Michael Thomas is the only guys the Bears have to worry about, so he'll be held down. DJ Chark is surprisingly awesome, but these first outdoor, windy, cold games never go well for southern teams.
That basically leaves Chris Carson to be the difference in this one.
THE PICK: AT 81 - LBJ 76
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (3-3) vs THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (4-2)
I guess I need to root for Scott for divisional purposes. Now I'll know what he goes through every week. It's hard to believe he's won at all this season, but since he's 6th in PF and 7th in PA, I guess a 3-3 record makes sense. That PA is only going to get better this week with Mahomes only putting up 6 before he got hurt, and Gurley in danger of not playing at all (if Gurley is out, I am ABSOLUTELY putting in Darrell Henderson).
T.Y. and Henry should be nice, though, and the Bills D can do some damage against the Dolphins.
Wentz should be passing a lot trying to keep up with Dallas, but the Pats won't need to pass much against the Jets, so forget about James White. Terry McLaurin is great (and McLaurin F1 is an amazing nickname), but the Niners defense is going to destroy Washington. That leaves Scott with 2 TEs, a kicker who might be cut after 2 weeks, and a Patriots D that is finally facing a good QB on the road in prime time.
Scott is heading toward his worst score of the season.
THE PICK: TWR 84 - TDHAF 65
ANIMAL HOUSE (2-4) vs WTTK? (4-2)
One team that definitely won't be trading their players away for picks is Animal House. And in this matchup, a game he must win against the 10th-highest scoring team in the league, he was forced to start 2 Broncos receivers because his bench consists of 1 QB and 5 guys on bye. And Edelman, in his starting lineup, is no sure thing to play.
If there was ever a time for a trade to save a season, along with one owner signaling that he was so desperate to make a trade that he could be ripped off, this was it. But...nothing. Just gonna sit there and take it.
(Meyers, if you're reading this, there's still time! I can still be had!)
McCamey is starting Minshew over Rivers if you're still wondering about the power of television to influence society. I know Rivers and the Chargers looked terrible in front of a national audience last week, but Minshew looked terrible in private last week. Only 3.5 points.
McCamey is benching franchise player Joe Mixon in favor of Austin Ekeler, who's now a glorified swing back until the Chargers give up on Gordon.
Speaking of trade opportunities, I'm aware that the Odell contract is...cumbersome. But damn, I just watched like 4 teams start the year with around $.04 in cap space and turn out just fine. Dropping the cap penalty for cutting a guy has completely changed the math. McCamey has $1.50 in cap space, a #1 WR with a bad toe, a franchise back he doesn't even play any more, tons of contract space in 2020, and a (soon to be) 5-2 record that he lucked in to thanks to a combination of the fewest PA and being in the worst division. If there was ever a time to make a big, bold splash move, it's now!
I've reached out to him and all but said please rip me off, but...nothing. I've seen more courage from Mitt Romney.
THE PICK: WTTK 98 - AH 69
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (2-4) vs SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER
Bri has absolutely blown away my skewed Power Rankings / Record ratio from last year. This is truly something to behold. Although, curiously, only the 2nd-most PA so far. Meyers has faced 25 more points from opponents to date.
Wait, Tim started Noah Fant this week? Even with all of the guys he has on bye, he didn't want to drop his backup kicker or franchise player who isn't returning until Week 10 and won't take the job from Nick Chubb anyway for somebody better than Noah Fant? Do I have that right?
Wow.
I mean, it's not like Bri got a ton out of Kelce last night, but he still did a lot more than Noah Fant.
Noah Fant? More like...no a fan of that move, am I right?!?
Jared Goff has been completely and utterly exposed, but so has the Falcons D, so maybe he can do something this week.
Speaking of, everybody jumps on "offensive gurus" who struggle with bad QBs like Adam Gase or Brian Billick or Jay Gruden or whomever, but Dan Quinn won a Super Bowl as the Seattle D coordinator and hasn't had a good defense in Atlanta in like 6 years. How is this any different? It's almost like...really good players make coaches look really good.
Although Randy Fichtner's next job is going to be at like Utah State or some shit.
Anyway, whether Goff targets Cooper Kupp or Robert Woods more will have a huge effect on this matchup. And did you know that Will Fuller dropped 3 more TDs last week? That's what the game recaps say, at least! If he can catch at least one against the Colts this week, that will really help out Bri a lot.
This matchup is a lot more interesting than it might seem at first glance. Both QBs have good matchups, though there's more chance of the Colts getting after Watson than the Falcons touching Goff. Fournette - who's quietly put up huge points this season - has a great matchup against the Bungles, but all of the other backs face decent to good defenses. Detroit might take Diggs away, but Fuller might take himself away.
As hilarious as it would be to see Bri fall to 2-5 after losing to Tim...as much as I am really, really hoping for it...I just can't see it.
THE PICK: TKSMB 101 - SS 90
Friday, October 11, 2019
AFFL Week 6 Preview
LAST WEEK: 4-2
SEASON: 12-12
How insane was last week? Semi broke the single-game scoring record and now has the 2nd-best single-game score in league history. He broke the record and didn't even win the week!
You don't who didn't score a lot of points, though? Yeah, you know. So it was time for drastic changes. Heads had to roll. So long, Baker. It was fun while it lasted, which really wasn't that long. As you can tell from these lyrics, Baker's taking the breakup pretty hard.
RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (2-3) vs. THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (3-2)
Gary is now 2-3 and has scored 124, 115, and 99 in his 3 losses. He's scored 129 and 61 in his 2 wins. I really, really am not going to get into a schedule thing, but I am amused it's happening to other people now. The 3rd- and 4th-highest totals this week both lost. Last week, the 3rd- and 4th-lowest scores both won. (Credit to numbers guy to Bri Williams for the Week 4 note)
But I think Gary is going to come to his loss this week a little more honestly. He's way too invested in a bad Falcons team that might have an extremely bad road loss this week, Kamara is dinged up and not getting free space from Teddy B. and Curtis Samuel is going to put D.J. Moore in his shadow in London.
Tyreek Hill may return this week and when Saquon returns next week, this Death Star will be fully operational. Samuel has been overdue for a breakout all season, and an 18-point game is coming Sunday. Ingram will score, Dak will torch the Jets, and Tevin Coleman will keep it rolling against the Rams.
I was hoping to just stay at .500 with Saquon and Tyreek out. I'll definitely take 2 games over.
THE PICK: TDHGNM 102 - RFD 85
CHUBBY CHASERS (1-4) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (3-2)
I say this empathy and understanding. That's a tough break on Baker. Clearly in franchising Odell, I was also in on some Browns offense this year, and it is just not happening. Brian is starting new acquisition Jameis over Minshew this week, and I'm not sure Jameis is going to be the calm, steady presence at QB that Brian was hoping for.
Thing is, Brian is not giving up Chubb or Keenan for picks (believe me, I asked) and it's not unrealistic that he could actually make a run and get back into it.
(Side note: I feel like in past years, 1-4 is the official starting gun for selling off your team for picks. Is hanging on to Chubb and Keenan because he'll have them next year the changing of the guard around picks value?)
I'm not ruling out something weird happening in Cleveland to Seattle this Sunday, Hollywood Brown hasn't practiced all week, and I'm not counting on the Devlin-JuJu connection just yet.
A good way to get back into the race is to start beating the teams ahead of you, and Brian takes the first step in the right direction this week.
THE PICK: CC 89 - LBJ 80
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (3-2) vs. WTTK? (4-1)
The red crosses spattered across Larry's lineup make it look like the battlefield in Gone With The Wind. Or, for you simpletons, that time Homer put a tramampoline in the backyard and they did a reference to that. Gurley probably won't play, but at least he has Malcolm Brown on the bench. But if Kirk and DJ are out as well, it's off to the free agent list for ye!
Interesting note from last week - Austin Ekeler set the record for the most receptions with the fewest yards. He had 15 catches for 86 yards, which is good for 16.1 in our new format. 7.5 points just for a bunch of 5 yards catches. I'm not saying whether it's good or bad, it's just curious.
Joe Mixon is another weird player. I think almost anybody would've drafted him if they could a couple of years ago, anybody would've put him a contract, and now McCamey isn't even playing him.
McCamey has faced the 2nd-fewest points on his way to this 4-1 record, and nothing is going to change this week. CBS has these two teams only 1 point apart, which I think is absurd.
THE PICK: WTTK 101 - TWR 77
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (2-3) vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (2-3)
Scott's highest-scoring "player" - by 40 points! - is the Patriots defense. That has GOT to be a first in fantasy football at any point beyond Week 1. That defense has been his best weekly scorer twice already this season and they'll do it for a third time this week. That will mean Scott is going to 2-4 with his DST being his best player 50% of the time. What a life!
I can't imagine even the satisfaction Bri felt breaking the league scoring record 3 days after complaining that his team wasn't really going downhill. And let me tell, he's only barely slowing down this week. An entire lineup poised to completely go off again.
THE PICK: TKSMB 119 - TDHAF 90
ANIMAL HOUSE (1-4) vs. SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (2-3)
Meyers got off to a great start last night, but McCaffrey faces a surprisingly decent Tampa run defense (I'm aware he also catches passes), and every other matchup is poor to middling. Meyers has the inside track on the 2020 #1 pick right now.
Except...I think both 1-4 teams win and move to 2-4 this week. Tim just has absolutely nothing going this week. Meyers doesn't either, but at least he's off to a good start.
I offered Tim Odell for Aaron Jones and a middle pick and never heard back either way.
THE PICK: AH 86 - SS 70
ASSTANNER (4-1) vs. THE NIGHT BOYS (3-2)
I also offered Barker Odell for Hopkins straight up. No go.
CBS has this as a 50/50 game at the moment, but Chris currently doesn't have an active defense. And with only $0.13 of cap space available, literally the only defense he can afford to replace the Raiders without making other roster moves. The one defense he could actually afford - the Niners - belongs to Tim right now. Talk about trade leverage! Chris might be on his way to the AFFL's first ever roster fine for starting a dead spot.
Thing is, he wants a defense because both he and Barker are loaded with great matchups and there should be a ton of points in this one. Golladay could be slowed by Jaire Alexander, and Ito needs to get chances instead of Devonta, but everybody else is looking G-R-E-A-T. Barker has 3 guys going in the ATL-ARI game, which is another time this season he's had a bunch of guys playing in one weird game, but this should be the week Hopkins finally breaks out.
THE PICK: TNB 93 - AT 89
SEASON: 12-12
How insane was last week? Semi broke the single-game scoring record and now has the 2nd-best single-game score in league history. He broke the record and didn't even win the week!
You don't who didn't score a lot of points, though? Yeah, you know. So it was time for drastic changes. Heads had to roll. So long, Baker. It was fun while it lasted, which really wasn't that long. As you can tell from these lyrics, Baker's taking the breakup pretty hard.
RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (2-3) vs. THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (3-2)
Gary is now 2-3 and has scored 124, 115, and 99 in his 3 losses. He's scored 129 and 61 in his 2 wins. I really, really am not going to get into a schedule thing, but I am amused it's happening to other people now. The 3rd- and 4th-highest totals this week both lost. Last week, the 3rd- and 4th-lowest scores both won. (Credit to numbers guy to Bri Williams for the Week 4 note)
But I think Gary is going to come to his loss this week a little more honestly. He's way too invested in a bad Falcons team that might have an extremely bad road loss this week, Kamara is dinged up and not getting free space from Teddy B. and Curtis Samuel is going to put D.J. Moore in his shadow in London.
Tyreek Hill may return this week and when Saquon returns next week, this Death Star will be fully operational. Samuel has been overdue for a breakout all season, and an 18-point game is coming Sunday. Ingram will score, Dak will torch the Jets, and Tevin Coleman will keep it rolling against the Rams.
I was hoping to just stay at .500 with Saquon and Tyreek out. I'll definitely take 2 games over.
THE PICK: TDHGNM 102 - RFD 85
CHUBBY CHASERS (1-4) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (3-2)
I say this empathy and understanding. That's a tough break on Baker. Clearly in franchising Odell, I was also in on some Browns offense this year, and it is just not happening. Brian is starting new acquisition Jameis over Minshew this week, and I'm not sure Jameis is going to be the calm, steady presence at QB that Brian was hoping for.
Thing is, Brian is not giving up Chubb or Keenan for picks (believe me, I asked) and it's not unrealistic that he could actually make a run and get back into it.
(Side note: I feel like in past years, 1-4 is the official starting gun for selling off your team for picks. Is hanging on to Chubb and Keenan because he'll have them next year the changing of the guard around picks value?)
I'm not ruling out something weird happening in Cleveland to Seattle this Sunday, Hollywood Brown hasn't practiced all week, and I'm not counting on the Devlin-JuJu connection just yet.
A good way to get back into the race is to start beating the teams ahead of you, and Brian takes the first step in the right direction this week.
THE PICK: CC 89 - LBJ 80
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (3-2) vs. WTTK? (4-1)
The red crosses spattered across Larry's lineup make it look like the battlefield in Gone With The Wind. Or, for you simpletons, that time Homer put a tramampoline in the backyard and they did a reference to that. Gurley probably won't play, but at least he has Malcolm Brown on the bench. But if Kirk and DJ are out as well, it's off to the free agent list for ye!
Interesting note from last week - Austin Ekeler set the record for the most receptions with the fewest yards. He had 15 catches for 86 yards, which is good for 16.1 in our new format. 7.5 points just for a bunch of 5 yards catches. I'm not saying whether it's good or bad, it's just curious.
Joe Mixon is another weird player. I think almost anybody would've drafted him if they could a couple of years ago, anybody would've put him a contract, and now McCamey isn't even playing him.
McCamey has faced the 2nd-fewest points on his way to this 4-1 record, and nothing is going to change this week. CBS has these two teams only 1 point apart, which I think is absurd.
THE PICK: WTTK 101 - TWR 77
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (2-3) vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (2-3)
Scott's highest-scoring "player" - by 40 points! - is the Patriots defense. That has GOT to be a first in fantasy football at any point beyond Week 1. That defense has been his best weekly scorer twice already this season and they'll do it for a third time this week. That will mean Scott is going to 2-4 with his DST being his best player 50% of the time. What a life!
I can't imagine even the satisfaction Bri felt breaking the league scoring record 3 days after complaining that his team wasn't really going downhill. And let me tell, he's only barely slowing down this week. An entire lineup poised to completely go off again.
THE PICK: TKSMB 119 - TDHAF 90
ANIMAL HOUSE (1-4) vs. SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (2-3)
Meyers got off to a great start last night, but McCaffrey faces a surprisingly decent Tampa run defense (I'm aware he also catches passes), and every other matchup is poor to middling. Meyers has the inside track on the 2020 #1 pick right now.
Except...I think both 1-4 teams win and move to 2-4 this week. Tim just has absolutely nothing going this week. Meyers doesn't either, but at least he's off to a good start.
I offered Tim Odell for Aaron Jones and a middle pick and never heard back either way.
THE PICK: AH 86 - SS 70
ASSTANNER (4-1) vs. THE NIGHT BOYS (3-2)
I also offered Barker Odell for Hopkins straight up. No go.
CBS has this as a 50/50 game at the moment, but Chris currently doesn't have an active defense. And with only $0.13 of cap space available, literally the only defense he can afford to replace the Raiders without making other roster moves. The one defense he could actually afford - the Niners - belongs to Tim right now. Talk about trade leverage! Chris might be on his way to the AFFL's first ever roster fine for starting a dead spot.
Thing is, he wants a defense because both he and Barker are loaded with great matchups and there should be a ton of points in this one. Golladay could be slowed by Jaire Alexander, and Ito needs to get chances instead of Devonta, but everybody else is looking G-R-E-A-T. Barker has 3 guys going in the ATL-ARI game, which is another time this season he's had a bunch of guys playing in one weird game, but this should be the week Hopkins finally breaks out.
THE PICK: TNB 93 - AT 89
Saturday, October 5, 2019
AFFL Week 5 Preview
LAST WEEK: 5-1 (That's more like it, baby boy!)
SEASON: 8-10
This song is dedicated to Baker Mayfield and Freddie Kitchens. Put them on a pedestal, they'll only disappoint you.
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (3-1) vs. ASSTANNER (3-1)
Saquon and Tyreek might return next week, and thanks to the gift win I received last week, I don't feel so bad about this upcoming loss. I just have too many gaps in my lineup right now with Dak facing a tough matchup against Green Bay, Mostert/Coleman, and Curtis Samuel. I promise you, those holes are not a result of me standing still and just taking it. I'm pretty sure every single owner in the league turned away trade talks with me this week. Guess nobody wants to trade until they're out of it or in need of a backup kicker before the roster freeze.
Now, Robinson and Samuel should be set for a breakout considering how much air traffic they've seen to start the season, and Titans should be able to get some turnovers against Buffalo since the Bills lead the league in turnovers, but it's more likely that I'm going to be let down.
I was feeling decent about my chances Thursday night until Carson caught that late TD. I'm facing Zeke in both of my leagues this week, which I'm not feeling decent about at all.
Now, in theory, if Robinson goes off the Raiders defense will struggle, and if Dak has a tough time against GB then Amari will too. Also, it's possible the Chiefs scoring wheel might not land on DeMarcus Robinson this week, and it's also possible that Josh Gordon doesn't do much because the Pats will have no need to pass against Washington.
It's possible that I should win if everything goes perfectly. I don't think it's likely, though.
THE PICK: AT 93 - TDHGNM 74
RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (2-2) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (2-2)
Here's a thought. Meyers could be on his way to 1-4 and needs to clear out Le'Veon Bell in order to franchise McCaffrey before his 3/3 deal is up. The two teams most in position to pick up a franchise player right now are Tim (Kareem Hunt) and...Semi (Vikings DST).
Yes, I'm aware that Gary needs to clear out Devonta in order to franchise Kamara, but Devonta is useless any more.
If Semi wins this week and is right in the hunt in the worst division in the league, it might be time to make a move. And Russell Wilson gave him a great head start on getting that win. Problem is, the rest of this lineup is pretty suspect. Montgomery and Lindsay aren't doing much, Thomas is limited by Bridgewater, JuJu is limited by Rudolph, and Minshew Magic is bound to run into a down game eventually.
On the other hand, Gary has Matt Ryan, Kamara is equally limited by Bridgewater, and Brandin Cooks is limited by his game being over and him only having 6 points. I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be counting on Alshon and the Eagles DST to go off against the Jets, as bad as the Jets are.
Gary's lineup is going to be done for the week after the early games, and he's going to have to sweat out Lindsay and Brett Maher playing in the afternoon. I think he'll be fine. Big comeback win after the rough start on Thursday night.
THE PICK: RFD 97 - LBJ 90
THE NIGHT BOYS (2-2) vs. CHUBBY CHASERS (1-3)
Mike Barker is the lowest-scoring team in the league right now, which I feel has become a frequent occurrence in recent years. It certainly doesn't help that DeAndre Hopkins is only the 25th-best WR in the league, stuck between John Brown and Phillip Dorsett in the rankings.
(Odell is actually 27TH right now!)
But this is a good spot for him to ring up some points, move back above .500 and make his own in the worst division in the AFFL. Hopkins should finally explode against the Falcons at home, and Jordan Howard won't have another 3 TD game, but he is facing the Jets. Keith Butler will probably try to cover Mark Andrews with Stephon Tuitt or something, and the Jags can get at Kyle Allen.
The one concern is that Kyler and Fitz have a great matchup against Cincy, but the last team they came east for the early game, they only scored 10 points in Baltimore. I don't think that will happen here.
All of Barker's players will be done after the 1pm slot, while only two of Barker's players will be started by then. Thielen and the Bears should be decent to start, but the scoreboard is going to show something hilarious like 109 - 27 at 4pm.
Side note: It's going to be great when Minshew outscores Mayfield for a 4th straight week from the bench.
Second side note: Brian has both Darrel and Damien Williams, so he has 2 guys on his roster listed as D. WILLIAMS - RB - KC. How often do you think he has to click into their profiles to make sure he's starting the right one?
THE PICK: TNB 109 - CC 81
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (1-3) vs. THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (3-1)
It was highly amusing that I wasn't the only person assuming Tim was packing up the season once he hit 1-3, to the point that he had to issue a public proclamation to the league that he wasn't done yet. Great stuff.
Stefon Diggs might be benched for insolence, and if he does play and Cousins doesn't force feed against that terrible Giants secondary, it is over for him. Jammal Williams has to be ruled out this week after that massive head shot last Thursday, but the Packers will still find a way to screw up Aaron Jones' game. Sammy Watkins had 42 points in Week 1. He has 22.7 in Weeks 2-4.
Is T.Y. playing this week? Larry's in a bit of a quandary with him since he's playing Sunday night. If he waits to find out the news on the game time decision, there aren't a ton of guys available to pick up and spot start. And he probably does have to wait since his bench is banged up too.
Honestly, it probably won't even matter.
THE PICK: TWR 115 - SS 86
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (2-2) vs. WTTK? (3-1)
I reached out to Scott to discuss a trade as well, but he declined as well. I was a little miffed that he didn't even want to chat about, which is an interesting reaction, because I have absolutely no idea who I would want from his team. Wentz, I guess? I just get really restless with my lineup early in every season. None of you have ever pieced this together and tried to take advantage of it, so I am just telling you. Damn.
Scott is starting 2 TEs and a rookie WR in this game, but not the rookie WR he just signed to a franchise deal. His only hope in this game is Wentz, Ertz, and the Pats DST simply destroying inferior competition and covering up all the single digits his other players will post.
McCamey and Chris should figure out a Gordon/Ekeler deal so somebody can start both of them at the same time. If there's ever been a team and a year to start two backs from one team, this is it. (Yes, I am aware Chris already sent a 1st for Gordon in the summer.)
Imagine watching the Sunday night game and hoping LeSean McCoy can score 50 points so you have a chance to win.
THE PICK: WTTK 107 - TDHAF 67
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (1-3) vs. ANIMAL HOUSE (1-3)
Take a guess as to whether Bri sent an agitated response to me declaring him to be out of it this year and on the decline in general.
I'll give you a moment.
He did.
He mentioned his overall point total and this and that and bunch of really defensive stuff. It's a very sensitive subject. And in fairness, he is going to absolute nuke a franchise that is actually on the decline. Meyers isn't even starting Le'Veon Bell this week (trade time?)
If it wasn't for Jacobs and Chris Thompson facing tough matchups, I might pick Bri to score 130 this week. I wouldn't hate to see Will Fuller get the start over Thompson, actually.
THE PICK: TKSMB 124 - AH 82
SEASON: 8-10
This song is dedicated to Baker Mayfield and Freddie Kitchens. Put them on a pedestal, they'll only disappoint you.
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (3-1) vs. ASSTANNER (3-1)
Saquon and Tyreek might return next week, and thanks to the gift win I received last week, I don't feel so bad about this upcoming loss. I just have too many gaps in my lineup right now with Dak facing a tough matchup against Green Bay, Mostert/Coleman, and Curtis Samuel. I promise you, those holes are not a result of me standing still and just taking it. I'm pretty sure every single owner in the league turned away trade talks with me this week. Guess nobody wants to trade until they're out of it or in need of a backup kicker before the roster freeze.
Now, Robinson and Samuel should be set for a breakout considering how much air traffic they've seen to start the season, and Titans should be able to get some turnovers against Buffalo since the Bills lead the league in turnovers, but it's more likely that I'm going to be let down.
I was feeling decent about my chances Thursday night until Carson caught that late TD. I'm facing Zeke in both of my leagues this week, which I'm not feeling decent about at all.
Now, in theory, if Robinson goes off the Raiders defense will struggle, and if Dak has a tough time against GB then Amari will too. Also, it's possible the Chiefs scoring wheel might not land on DeMarcus Robinson this week, and it's also possible that Josh Gordon doesn't do much because the Pats will have no need to pass against Washington.
It's possible that I should win if everything goes perfectly. I don't think it's likely, though.
THE PICK: AT 93 - TDHGNM 74
RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (2-2) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (2-2)
Here's a thought. Meyers could be on his way to 1-4 and needs to clear out Le'Veon Bell in order to franchise McCaffrey before his 3/3 deal is up. The two teams most in position to pick up a franchise player right now are Tim (Kareem Hunt) and...Semi (Vikings DST).
Yes, I'm aware that Gary needs to clear out Devonta in order to franchise Kamara, but Devonta is useless any more.
If Semi wins this week and is right in the hunt in the worst division in the league, it might be time to make a move. And Russell Wilson gave him a great head start on getting that win. Problem is, the rest of this lineup is pretty suspect. Montgomery and Lindsay aren't doing much, Thomas is limited by Bridgewater, JuJu is limited by Rudolph, and Minshew Magic is bound to run into a down game eventually.
On the other hand, Gary has Matt Ryan, Kamara is equally limited by Bridgewater, and Brandin Cooks is limited by his game being over and him only having 6 points. I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be counting on Alshon and the Eagles DST to go off against the Jets, as bad as the Jets are.
Gary's lineup is going to be done for the week after the early games, and he's going to have to sweat out Lindsay and Brett Maher playing in the afternoon. I think he'll be fine. Big comeback win after the rough start on Thursday night.
THE PICK: RFD 97 - LBJ 90
THE NIGHT BOYS (2-2) vs. CHUBBY CHASERS (1-3)
Mike Barker is the lowest-scoring team in the league right now, which I feel has become a frequent occurrence in recent years. It certainly doesn't help that DeAndre Hopkins is only the 25th-best WR in the league, stuck between John Brown and Phillip Dorsett in the rankings.
(Odell is actually 27TH right now!)
But this is a good spot for him to ring up some points, move back above .500 and make his own in the worst division in the AFFL. Hopkins should finally explode against the Falcons at home, and Jordan Howard won't have another 3 TD game, but he is facing the Jets. Keith Butler will probably try to cover Mark Andrews with Stephon Tuitt or something, and the Jags can get at Kyle Allen.
The one concern is that Kyler and Fitz have a great matchup against Cincy, but the last team they came east for the early game, they only scored 10 points in Baltimore. I don't think that will happen here.
All of Barker's players will be done after the 1pm slot, while only two of Barker's players will be started by then. Thielen and the Bears should be decent to start, but the scoreboard is going to show something hilarious like 109 - 27 at 4pm.
Side note: It's going to be great when Minshew outscores Mayfield for a 4th straight week from the bench.
Second side note: Brian has both Darrel and Damien Williams, so he has 2 guys on his roster listed as D. WILLIAMS - RB - KC. How often do you think he has to click into their profiles to make sure he's starting the right one?
THE PICK: TNB 109 - CC 81
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (1-3) vs. THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (3-1)
It was highly amusing that I wasn't the only person assuming Tim was packing up the season once he hit 1-3, to the point that he had to issue a public proclamation to the league that he wasn't done yet. Great stuff.
Stefon Diggs might be benched for insolence, and if he does play and Cousins doesn't force feed against that terrible Giants secondary, it is over for him. Jammal Williams has to be ruled out this week after that massive head shot last Thursday, but the Packers will still find a way to screw up Aaron Jones' game. Sammy Watkins had 42 points in Week 1. He has 22.7 in Weeks 2-4.
Is T.Y. playing this week? Larry's in a bit of a quandary with him since he's playing Sunday night. If he waits to find out the news on the game time decision, there aren't a ton of guys available to pick up and spot start. And he probably does have to wait since his bench is banged up too.
Honestly, it probably won't even matter.
THE PICK: TWR 115 - SS 86
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (2-2) vs. WTTK? (3-1)
I reached out to Scott to discuss a trade as well, but he declined as well. I was a little miffed that he didn't even want to chat about, which is an interesting reaction, because I have absolutely no idea who I would want from his team. Wentz, I guess? I just get really restless with my lineup early in every season. None of you have ever pieced this together and tried to take advantage of it, so I am just telling you. Damn.
Scott is starting 2 TEs and a rookie WR in this game, but not the rookie WR he just signed to a franchise deal. His only hope in this game is Wentz, Ertz, and the Pats DST simply destroying inferior competition and covering up all the single digits his other players will post.
McCamey and Chris should figure out a Gordon/Ekeler deal so somebody can start both of them at the same time. If there's ever been a team and a year to start two backs from one team, this is it. (Yes, I am aware Chris already sent a 1st for Gordon in the summer.)
Imagine watching the Sunday night game and hoping LeSean McCoy can score 50 points so you have a chance to win.
THE PICK: WTTK 107 - TDHAF 67
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (1-3) vs. ANIMAL HOUSE (1-3)
Take a guess as to whether Bri sent an agitated response to me declaring him to be out of it this year and on the decline in general.
I'll give you a moment.
He did.
He mentioned his overall point total and this and that and bunch of really defensive stuff. It's a very sensitive subject. And in fairness, he is going to absolute nuke a franchise that is actually on the decline. Meyers isn't even starting Le'Veon Bell this week (trade time?)
If it wasn't for Jacobs and Chris Thompson facing tough matchups, I might pick Bri to score 130 this week. I wouldn't hate to see Will Fuller get the start over Thompson, actually.
THE PICK: TKSMB 124 - AH 82
Tuesday, October 1, 2019
AFFL Week 4 Review
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 67.9 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 53.2
Heart. Guts. Determination. Moxie. Intestinal fortitude. This Dude heard all of the haterz out there saying they wouldn't win this week - that they wouldn't even score 70 points this week. They conceded the point about points but they didn't concede the win.
Will Dissly just came here to replace injured guys, score touchdowns, and chew bubble gum. And he's all outta bubble gum. 15 points from Dissly in a truly heroic effort, not to mention the genius effort by me to pick him up.
This game took me through all of the emotions. I had resigned myself to losing, then on Sunday it looked like I actually had a chance, then Dak didn't do nearly enough on Sunday night to pad the lead, then JuJu didn't do anything on Monday night and I won. Great!
The Vikings DST only scored 5 points with Chase Daniel as QB for Chicago. Marlon Mack got hurt. Hollywood Brown did nothing. Semi didn't quite leave the wrong guy on the bench to lose this game, but if he changed like 4 guys he could've won. A different kind of devastating, I guess.
I predicted that Semi wouldn't have a very good game (right), that I would score 67 points (REALLY right), and that I would lose (wrong).
By the way, the last 5 champs have all scored under 70 points at least once in their title season, so I still feel good about my chances. Interestingly, the first dud comes in the first 4 weeks.
Semi can give up, though.
RICK FUCKIN' DALTON 61 - THE NIGHT BOYS 52.7
Look at this fuckin' shit pile right here. Semi actually could've won this week if he'd faced Barker.
Gary listened to me about starting Moore over Devonta, which cost him 8 points. Not the win, though, so that's good. I would've had to send an apology letter on official team stationary if that had happened.
DeAndre Hopkins threw an INT in this game of all things, on a truly horrendous double pass play call from the 30. If you didn't see, DeShaun threw a backward pass to DeAndre, who tried to throw a pass all the way across the field to another receiver. Except with only 30 yards of field to cover, Carolina had guys everywhere. Truly idiotic from Bill O'Brien.
Barker went chasing Danny Dimes' point from last week and came up well short. Kyler had 4 more points on the bench and Rex Burkhead had 1.2 in the starting lineup. I don't think Burkhead has had a good game as a starter for Barker in the 3-4 years they've been together.
ASSTANNER 112.1 - CHUBBY CHASERS 93.8
This is the third straight week in which Gardner Minshew has been on the bench and outscored summer's consensus Hall of Fame QB, Baker Mayfield. It's the first week, however, in which Adam Thielen has criticized his team's playcalling, pointing out that it's 2019 and teams don't run 40 times to win any more. It's also the first week in which Keenan Allen had under 10 targets and under 10 points, and it's the first time Brian started MVS, which didn't quite work out.
It's not the first week he's lost, though. It's the third one, and it might time for him to start trading players for 2020 picks that he'll blow. If he's smart, he'll trade his guys for 3rd and 4th round picks because it doesn't hurt as much to blow those ones.
If you think I'm wrong about Wayne Gallman, offer Chris a pick for him tonight, because I promise you Chris is trying to move him. In other trade news, I ended up taking Mark Ingram with the 2nd round I got in exchange for Kenny Golladay, and I'm less and less sure about that one each week.
Must be nice to have Gallman and Golladay step up and carry the load when Zeke and Amari don't do much.
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 107.6 - ANIMAL HOUSE 85.3
I feel like Meyers is good every year, he's actually just been scraping .500 this in this most recent olympiad. His last 4 seasons were 8-6, 8-6, 7-7, and 9-5. He had back-to-back 10 wins seasons in 2013 and 2014, so maybe we just all remember him being good from our youth.
Before that, he was 8-6, 6-8, 7-7, 5-9, 3-11, and 5-9.
Does Meyers secretly stink? Are we fooled because he always has a superstar running back? Is it just me?
Too bad he doesn't actually exist and never trades with anybody, because he could really sell off some pieces for 2020 picks.
Anyway, Aaron Rodgers was benched and outscored Tom Brady by 20 points. Jaylen Samuels and Ronald Jones were benched in favor of James Washington, who I'm not sure even saw the field last night. These were mistakes that cost Meyers the game. Just like real life, Christian McCaffrey is being wasted on a team that isn't going anywhere.
Jacoby Brissett actually outscored Pat Mahomes this week, not that it mattered.
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 120.9 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 99.3
It's always amusing when Tim beats Scott, and Tim now leads their series 14-13. Scott's all time franchise record is 141-161; Tim's is 142-161. Scott average season finish is 6.5; Tim's is 6.8. These franchises are basically identical.
The silver lining for Scott is that he didn't lose this one because of lineup decisions. His bench was Tyler Eifert (3.7 points), 1 guy on bye, 3 hurt guys, and Trace McSorley for some reason. (That reason is not salary cap, because McSorley isn't the cheapest guy in the league and Scott has $1.55 of cap space now. I guess he wants his backup QB to be an actual backup for some reason.)
Also, if you're wondering, Terry McLaurin is his new franchise player.
Speaking of franchise players, if Scott had kept Fournette instead of AB, he would've won this game. Instead, Fournette scored 25 points for Tim in the big revenge game. Robert Woods scored 22.9 points without a TD thanks to THIRTEEN receptions (equal to a TD now), and Goff could've had a much better game except for his four turnovers. Goff lost more points than Adrian Peterson scored this week.
WTTK? 109.3 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 102.4
DeShaun Watson has been a little hot and cold this season.
Week 1 - 268 yds/3 TD - 28.9 pts
Week 2 - 159 yds/0 TD - 11.8 pts
Week 3 - 351 yds/3 TD - 24.5 pts
Week 4 - 160 yds/0 TD - 11.5 pts
Obviously he'll bounce back next week against Atlanta, but Bri needed him this week in a must-win game. I know many of you are taking joy in Bri having a bad season and having to dump Cam for nothing, but I think that is terrible. I feel bad for Bri. The rest of you of monsters for laughing about this. Shameful.
Bri has Sony Michel under contract but still started Chris Thompson over him. Thompson only had 8 points, which was still better than Michel, but it didn't matter either way.
McCamey also listened to my good advice and started Mixon over John Brown. That actually cost 1.1 points, but again, not the win. Him leaving Chris Godwin's 35 points on the bench was his own doing. Didn't matter this week, obviously, but maybe later for a tiebreaker or something?
Davante and Ekeler combined for 50 (23 / 26.7) points this week and I hope McCamey enjoyed it because they might combine for 9 (0 / 9) this week.
Heart. Guts. Determination. Moxie. Intestinal fortitude. This Dude heard all of the haterz out there saying they wouldn't win this week - that they wouldn't even score 70 points this week. They conceded the point about points but they didn't concede the win.
Will Dissly just came here to replace injured guys, score touchdowns, and chew bubble gum. And he's all outta bubble gum. 15 points from Dissly in a truly heroic effort, not to mention the genius effort by me to pick him up.
This game took me through all of the emotions. I had resigned myself to losing, then on Sunday it looked like I actually had a chance, then Dak didn't do nearly enough on Sunday night to pad the lead, then JuJu didn't do anything on Monday night and I won. Great!
The Vikings DST only scored 5 points with Chase Daniel as QB for Chicago. Marlon Mack got hurt. Hollywood Brown did nothing. Semi didn't quite leave the wrong guy on the bench to lose this game, but if he changed like 4 guys he could've won. A different kind of devastating, I guess.
I predicted that Semi wouldn't have a very good game (right), that I would score 67 points (REALLY right), and that I would lose (wrong).
By the way, the last 5 champs have all scored under 70 points at least once in their title season, so I still feel good about my chances. Interestingly, the first dud comes in the first 4 weeks.
Semi can give up, though.
RICK FUCKIN' DALTON 61 - THE NIGHT BOYS 52.7
Look at this fuckin' shit pile right here. Semi actually could've won this week if he'd faced Barker.
Gary listened to me about starting Moore over Devonta, which cost him 8 points. Not the win, though, so that's good. I would've had to send an apology letter on official team stationary if that had happened.
DeAndre Hopkins threw an INT in this game of all things, on a truly horrendous double pass play call from the 30. If you didn't see, DeShaun threw a backward pass to DeAndre, who tried to throw a pass all the way across the field to another receiver. Except with only 30 yards of field to cover, Carolina had guys everywhere. Truly idiotic from Bill O'Brien.
Barker went chasing Danny Dimes' point from last week and came up well short. Kyler had 4 more points on the bench and Rex Burkhead had 1.2 in the starting lineup. I don't think Burkhead has had a good game as a starter for Barker in the 3-4 years they've been together.
ASSTANNER 112.1 - CHUBBY CHASERS 93.8
This is the third straight week in which Gardner Minshew has been on the bench and outscored summer's consensus Hall of Fame QB, Baker Mayfield. It's the first week, however, in which Adam Thielen has criticized his team's playcalling, pointing out that it's 2019 and teams don't run 40 times to win any more. It's also the first week in which Keenan Allen had under 10 targets and under 10 points, and it's the first time Brian started MVS, which didn't quite work out.
It's not the first week he's lost, though. It's the third one, and it might time for him to start trading players for 2020 picks that he'll blow. If he's smart, he'll trade his guys for 3rd and 4th round picks because it doesn't hurt as much to blow those ones.
If you think I'm wrong about Wayne Gallman, offer Chris a pick for him tonight, because I promise you Chris is trying to move him. In other trade news, I ended up taking Mark Ingram with the 2nd round I got in exchange for Kenny Golladay, and I'm less and less sure about that one each week.
Must be nice to have Gallman and Golladay step up and carry the load when Zeke and Amari don't do much.
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 107.6 - ANIMAL HOUSE 85.3
I feel like Meyers is good every year, he's actually just been scraping .500 this in this most recent olympiad. His last 4 seasons were 8-6, 8-6, 7-7, and 9-5. He had back-to-back 10 wins seasons in 2013 and 2014, so maybe we just all remember him being good from our youth.
Before that, he was 8-6, 6-8, 7-7, 5-9, 3-11, and 5-9.
Does Meyers secretly stink? Are we fooled because he always has a superstar running back? Is it just me?
Too bad he doesn't actually exist and never trades with anybody, because he could really sell off some pieces for 2020 picks.
Anyway, Aaron Rodgers was benched and outscored Tom Brady by 20 points. Jaylen Samuels and Ronald Jones were benched in favor of James Washington, who I'm not sure even saw the field last night. These were mistakes that cost Meyers the game. Just like real life, Christian McCaffrey is being wasted on a team that isn't going anywhere.
Jacoby Brissett actually outscored Pat Mahomes this week, not that it mattered.
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 120.9 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 99.3
It's always amusing when Tim beats Scott, and Tim now leads their series 14-13. Scott's all time franchise record is 141-161; Tim's is 142-161. Scott average season finish is 6.5; Tim's is 6.8. These franchises are basically identical.
The silver lining for Scott is that he didn't lose this one because of lineup decisions. His bench was Tyler Eifert (3.7 points), 1 guy on bye, 3 hurt guys, and Trace McSorley for some reason. (That reason is not salary cap, because McSorley isn't the cheapest guy in the league and Scott has $1.55 of cap space now. I guess he wants his backup QB to be an actual backup for some reason.)
Also, if you're wondering, Terry McLaurin is his new franchise player.
Speaking of franchise players, if Scott had kept Fournette instead of AB, he would've won this game. Instead, Fournette scored 25 points for Tim in the big revenge game. Robert Woods scored 22.9 points without a TD thanks to THIRTEEN receptions (equal to a TD now), and Goff could've had a much better game except for his four turnovers. Goff lost more points than Adrian Peterson scored this week.
WTTK? 109.3 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 102.4
DeShaun Watson has been a little hot and cold this season.
Week 1 - 268 yds/3 TD - 28.9 pts
Week 2 - 159 yds/0 TD - 11.8 pts
Week 3 - 351 yds/3 TD - 24.5 pts
Week 4 - 160 yds/0 TD - 11.5 pts
Obviously he'll bounce back next week against Atlanta, but Bri needed him this week in a must-win game. I know many of you are taking joy in Bri having a bad season and having to dump Cam for nothing, but I think that is terrible. I feel bad for Bri. The rest of you of monsters for laughing about this. Shameful.
Bri has Sony Michel under contract but still started Chris Thompson over him. Thompson only had 8 points, which was still better than Michel, but it didn't matter either way.
McCamey also listened to my good advice and started Mixon over John Brown. That actually cost 1.1 points, but again, not the win. Him leaving Chris Godwin's 35 points on the bench was his own doing. Didn't matter this week, obviously, but maybe later for a tiebreaker or something?
Davante and Ekeler combined for 50 (23 / 26.7) points this week and I hope McCamey enjoyed it because they might combine for 9 (0 / 9) this week.
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