AFFL Week 9 Review

NFL coaches this week wore their Army Man outfits this week to SUPPORT THE TROOPS, but let me ask an indelicate question. If we're in the middle of sending thousands of troops to an American border so that 4,000 Venezuelans can't sneak into our country and eventually be charged $12,000 a year for insulin, what are we supporting?

If in December we're going to have more troops in Arizona than Afghanistan because we're afraid of people applying for asylum in January, what are we supporting?

What's that? We're supporting World War II vets? Oh cool! They must be pretty excited Nazis are gunning down Jews again!

What's that? We're supporting the Vietnam vets we didn't leave to shrivel up on the streets? Oh cool! They must be pretty excited that still Communist Vietnam is currently a US trading partner!

We're gonna freak out about 4,000 poor people when 7,000 people still show up for Trump rallies? People who are still going to Trump rallies at this point are the dumbest fucking people in the world. I'd rather send them to Jupiter and take in a few Venezuelans.

Anyway, just go vote. It does make a difference. Don't assume you'll always be on the right side of the gun.

Yes, this review is still technically about fantasy football.


THE NIGHT BOYS 103.6 - THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 59.1
Again, just to be very clear about my original point, I don't think I deserved to win this week or last. Although it would've been nice to get a cheap win with 60 points, I needed to win the other games to have a cushion. I still have the 3rd-most points this year and I'm going to miss the playoffs because of those two weeks.

Credit to Barker for a big week, though. It could've been enormous if he'd started Duke Johnson over Tarik Cohen. We knew the Bears would get a DTD against Peterman but getting 2 is probably pretty fun.


HEISENBERG 116.4 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 86.9
Gary almost scored as many points as he did in Weeks 6 and 7 combined. When Kamara is good, he is good. It's pretty much that simple. Julio FINALLY scored a TD and I was wrong about Matt Ryan outdoors. Who knows if Washington is actually good or not?

Semi both owns and started Marquez Valdes-Scantling, which came as a surprise.


TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 86.9 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 76
Oh man, Scott and Semi would've tied if they played. When was the last time we had a tie?

Bri lost this game because he started an injured Matt Breida on Thursday night over a healthy Tevin Coleman. Coleman scored 27.6 points on the bench. Worse, since Coleman tore up Washington's defense, that unit posted a -2.5 for Bri. Bad times in the capital all around.


WTTK? 105 - ASSTANNER 66.5
Chris is exactly like Dallas right now. A good history, crazy trades for first round picks, a terrible offense, and a team we can ignore the rest of the season. It will be weird without Chris going wild at the deadline, though. Really takes the edge off. But congrats to the league for coming together, freezing him out of trades, and ruining his season. I cannot wait to see what he does with draft picks next August.


SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 104.9 - ANIMAL HOUSE 104.3
I was right about Tim winning, although I was wrong about it not being close.

Meyers would've beaten 8 other teams this week but because he couldn't properly manage his schedule, he's now in 5th place instead of 2nd place. Teams scoring 100+ points are now 27-4 on the season.

Credit to Larry for this observation, but Tim has won his last two games by 1.5 points COMBINED.


RUSSELLMANIA 69 - THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 52.9
Kenyan Drake did indeed burn Larry, just as he predicted. Dalvin Cook had 10.9 points on the bench, but even that wouldn't have mattered.

I play Larry in Week 10. Really too bad for me that I wasn't smart enough to play him this week instead. Then my terrible game would've been a win instead of a loss!

Barker won this game despite getting a 0 from Tajae Sharpe, who actually played and did not get hurt. Shady had 2.9 points, one of his better games this season.