AFFL Week 9 Preview

LAST WEEK: 3-3
SEASON: 21-21

I can't get out of the .500s!

Actually, I have a half-baked theory that will probably never fully bake, but I think the standings are so close this season because more points are being scored and individual matchups are becoming more random.

Last year, teams averaged 87 PPG. Through 8 weeks this season, teams are averaging 99 PPG. And I'm sure there's somewhere to look this up, but it also seems like more guys than ever are posting 25+ points in a game, and even more 35+ point games. It's just shootouts all around and I don't see anything changing throughout the regular season or playoffs.

It makes each matchup more interesting and more games are coming down to the wire, but I don't know if it means anything beyond that.

Speaking of not always understanding what things mean...





TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (3-5) vs. THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (4-4)
Tevin Coleman only scoring 5 points the week after he posted 35 was the most obvious thing ever, and yet it was impossible to bench him because of those 35 points. I wish those 35 points would've translated into a win, but Boswell had to miss that 54 yarder and that was that.

I also wish that Garoppolo didn't have his best game of the season last night, but I'm not too worried about this one. Dak and Saquon will have this game finished off for me in the first quarter Monday night.

THE PICK: TDHGNM 91 - TDHAF 74


SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (4-4) vs. RICK FUCKIN' DALTON (4-4)
I am sure Gary never envisioned facing Tim in a must-win game to keep his playoff hopes going, knowing that if he lost it would present a potential tiebreaker problem down the line. But here we are in the year of Tim.

Fournette should run wild in England, Diggs will get loose in KC, and Aaron Jones will score in the Packers' home game in Los Angeles. Starting Rudolph is a pretty big problem for Tim, though. I'm sure Indy will just drop umbrella coverage and limit his deep balls.

On the other hand, it's not like Derrick Henry, Alshon, or Royce Freeman are gonna do a whole hell of a lot. I wouldn't expect much from Robby Anderson either since Miami is going to "upset" the Jets.

In other news, Gary picked up Rashaad Penny after I cut him last week, even though I traded a 5th round pick or something to Gary for Penny earlier this season. I'm sure this double dipping makes Gary positively giddy, even though Penny won't do anything for him in 2019, or in 2020 after he selects him with that extra 5th rounder.

You know all that extra scoring I mentioned in the intro? You're not going to find any of it in this game.

THE PICK: SS 75 - RFD 68


THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (5-3) vs. LITTLE BABY JESUS (3-5)
As tight as the standings are and probably will remain, I still wouldn't want to be the first team to 6 losses. Watching Christian Kirk only score 2.6 points last night is a good head start on avoiding that loss.

This matchup features 4 players from IND/PIT on Sunday, and 3 of them are Colts. Larry is stacking Jacoby and T.Y. against Mack and JuJu. I don't really like any of their chances to do anything great.

BREAKING: T.Y. Hilton got hurt in practice and is going to miss 3-4 weeks. Corey Davis, come on down!

There are 3 more players from TB/SEA here, and I like Semi's Russ/Metcalf stack a lot better than Mike Evans. Semi keeps the dream alive for at least more one week.

THE PICK: LBJ 94 - TWR 77


CHUBBY CHASERS (3-5) vs. ANIMAL HOUSE (4-4)
Meyers was down and out just a few weeks ago, but after blowing out Brian Barker this week, he's going to be above .500. Life is funny sometimes.

THE PICK: AH 105 - CC 66


THE NIGHT BOYS (4-4) vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (3-5)
The Cam era has come to an ignominious close. Remember the good old days, when you could've traded for him for only seven 1st round picks? What a time.

Bri left Kenyan Drake on the bench last night, piling up 26.2 meaningless points. He might be slightly miffed about it now, but he'll have forgotten about it by Sunday night. Jacobs, Singletary, and Dalvin will all make up for it.

Tyler Lockett should score against Tampa, but everything Hopkins does gives a little back to Bri and DeShaun. Barker just doesn't have the firepower to keep up in this one.

THE PICK: TKSMNB 108 - TNB 86


WTTK? (4-4) vs. ASSTANNER (7-1)
CBS thinks this is going to be a 1-point game after Kittle put 16 last night. I disagree.

THE PICK: AT 101 - WTTK 85