AFFL Wild Card Review

Scott and I were so, so, so close to solving America's racial issues on Sunday, but in the end we unfortunately came up short. Whether failure in this country is individual or structural or what combination thereof still remains to be determined.

Though the role model claims are certainly fascinating to me. Because during the Presidential election and in the months after we were shown profile after profile of white Americans who were failing by typical standards. Poor, addicted to drugs, higher divorce rates, less education, creating shorter life expectancies than any other demographic in the industrial world. Who was telling them it was okay to live this way?!

I hope to soon learn what terrible role models these poor whites in Appalachia and the rural South are taking their cues from. Hopefully not athletes. Maybe their only role models are Violent J, Shaggy 2 Dope, their fellow Juggalos, and Vince McMahon. Why can't they find better role models like...I don't know...activist hedge fund manager Bill Ackman?

Maybe it's simpler. Maybe the first half of the 20th century was dedicated to organizing minorities into certain areas and actively quarantining them, and then the second half was dedicated to diffusing whites out into the rural hinterlands and passively forgetting about them.

Either way, I am sure we will get to the bottom of this in our fantasy football league!

Here's a song for those who have fallen into the Cumberland Gap.





ASSTANNER 85.2 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 76.5
I was wrong. Kenyan Drake is actually pretty good. I don't know how much credit Chris deserves for just blindly picking up a running back after Miami traded the other guy, but I do know that I'm looking forward to drafting Drake next year with Chris' former 1st round pick. Drake is 2018's Jordan Howard, who was 2017's David Johnson, who was 2016's CJ Anderson, who was 2015's Andre Ellington, who was 2014's CJ Spiller.

*Reminder that Semi drafted Ellington two spots ahead of where Bri landed AB.

Bri put up his 4th-worst score of the year and now sees himself out of the playoffs once again. He technically played the wrong QB for a final time, though Cam only outscored Alex Smith by 4 points. Gurley had a huge game, but Ajayi did nothing even though Philly scored 43. He technically made the right choice on defense, since the Steelers had -2 and the Ravens had -2.5

By the way, it looked like Travis Kelce scored a TD, but was ruled down inside the 1 on replay. Conversely, Adam Thielen caught a 10-yard pass and then avoided 3 Panthers over the next 42 yards to score a TD with only 5 minutes left in the game. -6 for Kelce by inches and +11.2 for Thielen by inches and there you have it.

Chris gets to move on, but Jacoby Brissett is now his QB for the rest of the playoffs. FYI, Jacoby Brissett has to face Denver next week. FYI again, Wentz' ACL surgery typically has a 9-12 month recovery period, so he might miss next year, too. At least Wentz was kind enough to put 25 points before leaving for the season. Chris made the right choice to bench Robby Anderson after his hot streak, though Murray and Green just barely outdid Anderson's 2.7.


GARY
Gary is extremely lucky he got a bye this week, because he only scored 50.4 points. What an amazing bit of strategy on his part to not play in the week when Kamara gets hurt and Brady struggles in Miami.

In all seriousness, this is exactly why earning the byes are so important. It's one less chance for bad luck to bite you in the ass.

Bri scores 50 points in Week 12, so he doesn't get a bye and ends up losing in the first round. Gary scores 50 points in Week 14 and he's 1 win from the title game. Clearly Gary is much better at fantasy football than Bri because he has a better sense of timing.


TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 130.7 - SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 118.6
Scott might be right that this was one of the best games in AFFL history, but this is so ridiculously unlucky for Tim. It really makes absolutely no sense that he's knocked out of the playoffs even though he outscored a team that "won" by 40. What does this measure except luck?

Credit to Scott for sure, though, for putting up 130 this week. Here are some wild stats for ya. Ben is the only QB with 3 different 500-yard passing games in NFL history. The 223 yards he threw for in THE FOURTH QUARTER would be the 5th-most passing yards allowed in a 2017 game by the Ravens by itself.

McCoy somehow managed to run for 156 yards in 3 feet of snow. Dez shook one shitty arm tackle and ran 50 yards for a TD. Sure, he was as fast as a tight end getting there, but he still got there. The only offensive player who didn't post a TD for Scott was AB, who had 213 yards.

Howard, Hunt, and Hopkins combined for 74 points and Tim still lost. Unbelievable.

I'll still write a preview this week, but could it be more obvious that Scott emptied the tank this week and when Belichick quadruple covers AB, that Barker will beat Scott 70-62 while Gary loses to Chris 101-100?