AFFL Week 2 Preview

LAST WEEK: 6-0 (Trust me)
SEASON: 6-0

Gary doesn't want me to talk about the league, he does want me to talk about the league, he doesn't want me to talk about the league...this guy's all over the place!

I really did want to skip the previews this year and reduce the pot from a rolling boil to a smooth simmer, but like a guy cutting back on the beer until he goes to a tailgate...fuck it. Here we go.

Maybe if all listen to some chill music everything will be a lot calmer.




THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY (1-0) vs. THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL (1-0)
Here is my experience with the Niners backfield over the last 2 season. Really wanted McKinnon last year, didn't get him, grabbed Breida in the draft in case McKinnon got hurt. Dropped Breida as my last cut the day before McKinnon tore his ACL, didn't get him back. Picked up Raheem Mostert after Breida got hurt, got half a good game out of him before he broke his arm on MNF.

Drafted Tevin Coleman in the 2nd round this year, got half a good game out of him before he got a high ankle sprain, dropped him for Mostert. I hope to get another good half game from Mostert at some point when Breida gets his annual injury.

It's been a fun ride.

Speaking of personnel moves, the window for Bri to trade Cam for anything more than a 10th round pick slammed shut so hard last night that the glass shattered. After trying to trade Cam for 3-4 years, he might be flat out cut this season so Bri can franchise DeShaun and extend Sony Michel to a 2/3 contract. Easing the sting of that mess is that he completely ripped off Larry in the Gurley/Cook deal. I'm never a fan of trading great players just to free up a contract slot, and Bri took advantage of Larry's 2009 AFFL thinking to ship out Gurley's arthritic knee, get a better back (when he actually plays), and make room for Josh Jacobs.

As for this week, I reluctantly started Curtis Samuel in place of Tyreek Hill last night and got just enough to be satisfied. Even though he left 50-60 yards and a TD out there thanks to Cam. But that's probably just a warm up for the 90 yards Allen Robinson will leave on the field Sunday thanks to Mitchy Trubo. But Dak, Ingram, and Saquon should more than make up for it.

DeShaun can't be stopped, but Jacksonville can slow him a bit. I have him in my other league and I did not enjoy the three different times I thought he was knocked out of the game last week. Jacobs wil be taken out of the offense by KC being up 24-6 at halftime, Michel will score early but then the Pats will put the 6th string in against the Dolphins, and the Packers defense might be good against the run. That said, Kelce will go wild against a barren Raiders secondary.

Last week, Bri woke up Tuesday morning to find out he had completed a furious Monday night comeback thanks to Josh Jacobs and the Saints D. This week, he's going to head into Monday night with a 15-point lead, only to watch Odell Beckham, the former Kangaroo rookie star, lead a comeback for the Dude, with a Browns strip sack of Trevor Siemian just being a fun addition.

THE PICK: THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 103 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 94


RICK FUCKIN DALTON (0-1) vs. TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS (0-1)
Gary got mad at me this week for making fun of his patented Put A Guy On The Trading Block Right Before Cutting Him move, as if I ruined his chances of getting a 1st for Corey Davis and two 1st for Derrius Guice, one pick for each career knee injury. I guess he doesn't realize the entire league is on to this move. Personally, I love it. I think it's hilarious. But nobody takes it seriously. We all know what you're up to, dudeski! The work he puts in to trade Devonta Freeman for 3 picks right before the roster freeze so he can franchise Kamara will be his best work yet.

It's genuinely hard to decide which Albert has the most ridiculous player in this matchup. Is it Gary with Ryquell Armstead? Or Scott with Matt LaCosse? I mean, seriously.

I truly, truly would love to pick Scott for the upset here, but Gary starting off 0-2 after scoring 115 in Week 1 and like 77 in Week 2 would be incredibly funny, but I just don't see a way that it happens. Maybe if Scott benches Antonio Brown for Terry McLaurin, but even then it would be tough.

I am not making jokes about the Antonio Brown situation.

Oh! I alluded to a Guice/Henry story in the comments last week. Short version is that Gary emailed me at like 1:04pm Sunday to note that he spent all morning trying to figure out his lineup, decided he would start Guice over Henry, then forgot to actually do it and was upset that he forgot. I really don't know how one forgets to do something they are actively engaged in, but Guice got hurt and Henry caught a a screen pass he ran for a 75-yard TD, so...happy accident, I guess.

THE PICK: RICK FUCKIN DALTON 93 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 67


THE NIGHT BOYS (0-1) vs. SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER (0-1) 
Only 3 teams didn't crack 100 points in a rollicking Week 1, and here are 2 of them. Kyler is really going to struggle on the road in Baltimore, and if he reaches even 10 points, it'll be a pleasant surprise. Cincy got gouged by Chris Carson last week, so maybe Breida will do something good this week, and all 4 wideouts have good matchups this week.

On the other hand, Tim might have even better matchups this week. These 4 games when Sammy Watkins is healthy to start this season are gonna be sick. There's an interesting threesome afoot between Goff and Woods on Tim's side and Cooks on Barker's, and that could go a long way toward determining who comes out on top here.

Serious question: when was the last Tim had the most points in a week? I think it could happen here. Even with Peyton Barber's 15 points safe and secure on the bench.

After he loses this game and falls to 0-2, Barker should figure out how to take advantage of that $1 in cap space he has and make some trades with teams that are right up against the limit. Melvin Gordon is currently costing Chris $1.77 to not play.

THE PICK: SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 119 - THE NIGHT BOYS 102


CHUBBY CHASERS (0-1) vs. THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS (0-1)
Mike Evans didn't do nearly enough last night, David Johnson is on the road in the early game (never good for West Coast teams) against a great defense, Todd Gurley is still limited, and DeDe Westbrook's quarterback is Gardner Minshew.

When Baker and Chubb finish off the job in the first half Monday night, Larry will have lost 2 straight weeks thanks to MNF. Not the most rousing title defense I've ever seen.


ASSTANNER (1-0) vs. ANIMAL HOUSE (1-0)
McCaffrey didn't get the ball enough last night, Bell is already dinged up, Brady might not play the entire second half, and Manny Sanders needs to get the ball from Joe Flacco, which is never good. Meyers did score 120 points last week, but he might have a lot of 30-40 point swings from game to game this season.

Man, even Chris Carson is $1.31? The only thing that can slow Chris down this season would be some injuries, and even then it will take more than one to clear out the depth. Although he might just have to eat the $10 in penalties when he starts Zane Gonzalez and the Raiders on their bye weeks.

THE PICK: ASSTANNER 115 - ANIMAL HOUSE 82


LITTLE BABY JESUS (1-0) vs. WTTK? (1-0)
It sounds like Melvin Gordon is planning to hold out for a while, then come back just in time to qualify 2019 as a played season on his contract. So I'm not too sure where that leaves McCamey with Austin Ekeler. I guess he can just play him until Gordon is back and hope that he built up enough wins to just ride it out. I'm sure Chris would be happy to trade Gordon back to free up some space, but I think that's illegal now with the rental player rule.

McCamey already benched Chris Godwin and is benching John Brown so he can play Kerryon Johnson and Joe Mixon, one of whom is hurt and the other is a Lion. I maybe would take it in a different direction, especially with Brown playing the terrible Giants secondary. I'd maybe even play Brown over Davante, since Minnesota has been locking up him and Rodgers lately.

Brees is outdoors against a good defense, which isn't good for him or for Thomas. Montgomery is being limited by his coach and QB right now, and a good Broncos defense this week won't help. Really, McCamey can leave all the points he wants on his bench this week.

THE PICK: WTTK 94 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 76