AFFL Week Review

THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 113.5 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 110.1
Bri emailed me Monday morning to say he was nervous about MNF since everything else I had said about our matchup had already come true. I was far too dignified to point out that I said I'd be down 15 points after Sunday, not 33.

(We both knew that he really emailed to complain that I claimed he was stuck with Cam and that he hadn't been trying to trade him for years. I was far too dignified to point out that this wasn't true.)

Admittedly, I had given up hope of pulling off the comeback and was soothing my pain by reminding myself that the 3-team parlay I bet this week hit and that using the $250 that Rivers Casino matches for your first deposit for $100 parlays was pretty genius. (Incidentally, they also offer live betting during games online if you truly want to lose your mind.)

But then Odell was off and running on that slant and I had a very enjoyable final 15 minutes reading the defensive scoring rules and calculating how much damage every Luke Falk pass was doing.

With everybody focusing on the thrilling, riveting, shocking, exciting Monday night finish, a key moment from late Sunday is being overlooked. Cooper Kupp did his own Odell impression, taking a slant pass 70 yards to the house for a late TD that gave Bri an enormous lead. Except...upon review the refs declared that Kupp's knee was down when the ball was about 10 inches away from the goal line, so what was a 13.5 point TD catch became a 7.4 point reception. Those 10 inches cost Bri 6 points in a game he lost by 3.

Cooper Kupp got caught from behind because he's white.

Also, nice effort from Brian Barker to make my feel bad for not starting Raheem Mostert when it looked like I was lose. Now that I've won, all that's done is reminded me how happy I am to have a $0.43 running back who just put up 150 yards and a TD while getting the most snaps and touches of any back on an offense that looks electric this season.

Anyway, this makes up for last year when Bri beat me 114.7 - 112.7.


TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 104.9 - RICK FUCKIN DALTON 99.3
How did Gary lose this game after Julio scored that late TD? How does Scott have 200 points in 2 weeks? If I said I really wanted to pick Scott for the upset, why didn't I just go ahead and do it? How mad can Gary be about Alshon getting hurt and posting a 0 when Amendola also posted a 0 for Scott? Did Amendola also get hurt or is he just useless? How rough are the next 6 weeks going to be for Kamara with Brees out? How impressed are you that I said Scott's chances would be better if he benched AB for Terry McLaurin and McLaurin actually outscored AB this week? Does the Patriots scoring a (we assume) record 35 points points make up for however many times Scott lost last year because his defense scored -X? Will Gary remember losing a game because a defense scored 35 points against him forever?

Truly, a lot of questions in this one.


THE NIGHT BOYS 90.9 - SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTERS 86.7
Was there anything more obvious than Sammy Watkins posting single digits with Tim starting after that incredible Week 1? I can't remember exactly who it is, but I think the exact same thing happened to Tim last year with a different WR in Week 2. Actually...it might have been Sammy last season, too.

It didn't seem likely that Austin Siebert would score 16 points to mount a big comeback, but for a decent portion of MNF it at least seemed possible. Didn't happen, though.

I can at least see the logic is Tim starting Tyrell Williams this week since he's Oakland's de facto #1 WR, but if he had started Aaron Jones instead, a guy he has under contract and has turned down multiple trade offers for, he would've won this week.

Brandin Cooks had 2 TDs this week, and the 2nd one came from the 2-yard line when Goff ignore a called run play and whipped the ball to Cooks in between 2 defenders. The ball was about 2 inches from being tipped away, but Cooks held on with his 2 hands, giving Barker the win by 2 points. (Plus 2 additional points)

(Plus 2 more that Tim lost when Fournette was stopped on a 2-point conversion attempt)

Mark Andrews had 21 points on Barker's bench, so enjoy the 4 he scores in Week 3 when Barker starts him.

Barker is now 1-1 and, believe it or not, already has to make some tough decisions this week because he's at a fork in the road. On the plus side, he has great wide receivers and the most cap room to make some deals. On the minus side, he has no real running back, a QB who won't put big numbers this season, and an upcoming schedule that could legitimately deliver 5 straight losses. If he's going to try and compete this season, it's time to move. Otherwise, he can just close his eyes and let the waves take him under.

Wait, I take that whole paragraph back. Daniel Jones is starting this week.


THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 82.5 - CHUBBY CHASERS 81.3
Ooh, that Baker INT was a killer. Hey, you go all in on the Browns this season and Browns things will happen to you. While Brian was pointing out how I benched Mostert and lost points, he was hoping nobody would notice he would've won this game had he started GARDNER MINSHEW over Baker. Or if he had started John Ross, who he picked up in free agency this week for, uh, locker room presence, I guess.

Brian has a very angry Kangaroo coming to town next week and then Asstanner is waiting for him after that, so he could be 0-4 and out of the running before anybody puts on a sweater this year.


ASSTANNER 124.3 - ANIMAL HOUSE 101.1
I'm really not sure what to say about Chris' team at this point. About the only hope is that a team like this is always undone in the playoffs by either an injury or a fluke down week, but that's a long time for us to wait for something bad to happen. There will be a week this season when Golladay, Ridley, and Cooper all score like 6 points, but that'll probably be the week Lamar and Zeke combine for 60 and Chris' opponent only scores 52 so it doesn't matter.

I realize I'm doing that way where I write about my game up top and then peter out as I move through the list, but I'm really not too sure what else to say about this one. Meyers would've beaten most teams this week and moved to 2-0, but he ran into a buzzsaw.

It would be interesting, though, if he and The Night Boys started discussing a WR-RB trade that could greatly help out both teams.


WTTK? 89.7 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 58.3
Semi's bench outscored his starting lineup, a symbol of failure usually reserved for Tim. He also lost his QB to injury and his #2 overall WR pick lost that same QB and also his #1 overall WR pick lost his QB. And his first round rookie RB is being held down by his QB, a guy who Bears fans are actively hoping gets hurt.

That said, he didn't lose this game because Brees got hurt (he lost because his entire team was extremely terrible), and it there are plenty of good QBs available in free agency. It'll even open up some more cap room for him.

McCamey did a great job of taking my advice and started Brown over Mixon. That was the right move, not that it actually mattered. He also started 2 TEs which is just really insulting to an opponent. Just some true disrepect for your opponent's abilities.

Bill is now 2-0 and the only division leader under 200 points. The hockey division is already 150 cumulative points behind the Norris and 200 behind the Jules. It's going to be an absolute bloodbath once inter-division play opens up. There are 7 teams with sub-.500 records in the Breakdown and 4 of them are in this division. Gross.