AFFL Week 6 Review

If you're wondering why the AFFL is so crazy and unpredictable, take a look to the source material, the NFL. Dallas' 30th-ranked offense hung 40 points on what's supposed to be a good Jacksonville defense thanks to the uncoverable Cole Beasley, and that wasn't as odd as BROCK OSWEILER putting up 30+ in a win against the Bears.


THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 114.7 - THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 112.7
If you were hoping to season your lunch today with a nice schmear of schadenfreude, I'm not going to be able to help you out. Oh sure, I could easily point out like 11 variables that all went against me, a single one of which, if flipped, would've handed me the win. My favorite is probably that the first Packers touchdown was ruled a lateral because Rodgers threw the ball six inches backwards and that cost me the game. Or that I'm the highest-scoring team in the league, but I'm 3-3 and in last place in my division while Larry has 100 fewer points than me, but is 4-2 and in first place in his. Or that one of my losses came when I had the 2nd-highest score of that week and another came when I went up against the highest score in four years.

But after years of everybody in this league saying only championships matter mixed with the futility of me trying to attempt to convince everybody that repeated winning seasons is actually a truer measure of which owners know what they're doing, how am I supposed to care about a Week 6 loss? All I need to do is get into the playoffs and go from there and if I alternate wins and losses each week and maybe sneak out a bonus win to limp into the playoffs at 8-6, I'll be fine.

Let's focus on the positives. I'm going to focus on the positives. I predicted Bri would win this game 118-111, which is pretty good. I said that Cam should start and Bri took my advice and that gave him the win, which is pretty good. I said that Rodgers would lead an exciting comeback that ultimately fell short, which is pretty good. I told Bri that I needed Barkley and Beckham to combine for 40 points on TNF to have a chance, and they were 5 points short, which is pretty good.

Side note: I had a beer league hockey game last night so I missed the end of MNF. I came out to my car to find out I ended up losing. Which is a little different than my game against Bri last season, when I also had a beer league hockey game and missed the end of prime time football, and came out to my car to find out DeShaun Watson had gone wild in the 4th quarter, scored 38 points in the game, and given Bri the comeback win.

Bri emailed me on Friday to say that he was considering starting an injured TY Hilton just to prove he could beat me down one player, but Barkley's effort talked him out of that. So he picked up Donte Moncrief, who posted a 0, inadvertently proving Bri's point.

Oh, one last thing. I'm two different leagues and I'm the highest-scoring team in both. My combined record is 7-5.


THE NIGHT BOYS 79.5 - HEISENBERG 58.2
Bri and I this week both beat Gary's score from the last two weeks combined. If Gary can't crack 60 points without Alvin Kamara going off, some more trades might be in order. Trades for guys who can score touchdowns, unlike, say, Julio Jones. I had noted in the preview that starting two guys from Tennessee's invisible offense was questionable and the Titans responded by getting sacked 11 times in a shutout. Not that Gary had other options anyway since new pickup Mike Davis had 2.6 points and Quincy Enunwa actually scored -0.1 points. Catching a 9-yard pass and fumbling while getting hurt, that's a rare achievement.

Barker's WR trade, however, paid off nicely with Thielen putting up 18.3 points in his 6th-straight game with 100-yard receiving. Dalton managed 2 TDs without much yardage and Cohen and Hopkins added needed touchdowns. Barker also technically won the defensive matchup with his Bears outscoring Gary's Browns -1 to -3. So clutch!

Both of these teams are now 3-3 which technically puts them right in the middle of the playoff hunt. That said, Barker has broken 100 points once, scored 45 once, and has 2 wins despite scoring in the 70s in those games. Gary started with 2 average games, then had 2 amazing games, and has now had 2 terrible games. It doesn't seem like either team is really built for the long haul.


SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 96.4 - ASSTANNER 78.3
Tim went into MNF with a 5-point lead and both teams had one remaining roster spot to go, and those spots were completely symbiotic. CJ Beatherd for Tim and the Packers D for Chris. If one did well, the other wouldn't. Actually...symbiotic is like those little fish that trail sharks and eat the leftover bits. They help each other. This was more like that worm that gets into an ant's brain and turns them into a zombie until the ant dies. Only Beatherd or the Pack could survive! It was Beatherd.

Tim is now 4-2 and Chris is 1-5. Chris could've won this week if he'd kept Thielen or started Wentz or started Funchess, but I'm not sure he wants to win games at this point, so whatever.


WTTK? 108.3 - THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 91.2
Larry texted at kickoff last night hoping that if Davante Adams was going to end up beating him, he wanted it to be over quickly and not drag out his hopes. Doing it in the first half should've been quick enough, and going to on to finish with 25 points was very showy, unnecessary, and not sportsmanlike. Poor form.

The main difference in this one is that Melvin Gordon scored 33 points while former WTTKer David Johnson only had 12 points. McCamey drafted Gordon with the first round pick he received from Larry for David Johnson, so I guess McCamey has officially won the trade. By the way, the Cardinals have the fewest rushing attempts in the league so far, but the MOST attempts right up the middle. Pretty good coaching. Pretty good use of your available resources.


ANIMAL HOUSE 98.3 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 91
The miracle touchdown from Ben to AB and Gostkowski's 19 points last night weren't enough to get Scott the win and if Gary has any guts, he'll spend this week working on a trade for AB to replace Devonta Freeman as his franchise player. Or Bri, who got shut out in the WR derby last week, could finally have his opportunity to move on from Cam.

It would've been amusing if Meyers lost this game because JuJu's head touched down at the 2-inch line, but Brady's 20 points on Sunday night were enough to seal the deal. Although, since James Conner pounded it in the next play, I guess that possibility was not technically feasible. Ah well.


LITTLE BABY JESUS 98.7 - RUSSELLMANIA 81.9
PS, I would've won this week if I just went for Tyreek in the trade and kept Jameis as my Week 6 QB.

Keenan Allen, who is allegedly worth a 1st round pick, scored 10.3 points even though the Chargers put up 38 against Cleveland. Amari Cooper, who might get traded in real life apparently, scored a 0 on Barker's bench after being concussed with a headshot. Allen at least outscored Gronk by 1 point, who is also apparently worth a 1st round pick. Barker's 3rd guy he thought was worth a 1st round pick, matched Gronk with 9.4 points. Saquon outscored those 3 combined this week and is now outscoring all 3 combined for the season. This trade is starting to take on shades of the Jagr deal. McCoy is Ross Lupachek. Cooper is Kris Beech. In fact, I'm going to stop talking about it because it worked out so well that the talk is becoming gauche. It's like somebody says they had to cancel their cable package to help make ends meet for the holiday and I start talking about how I bought Apple stock at $12.