2017 AFFL Season Preview

The Krog Blog is alllllll the way back, baby! It's going to be just as good as it ever was, so let's celebrate with an appropriate song.


Hey, do you guys still remember the draft? I know it was in the middle of the summer, but it was actually for this upcoming season, believe it or not.

For those of you not in attendance, an amusing Gary story. In the first round, while on the clock, Gary shuffles through his assorted printed sheets before reluctantly settling on Tom Brady. Three picks later, when Semi pounced on Marshawn Lynch, Gary exploded, "Gah! I wanted to pick Marshawn Lynch in the first round! That was the guy I decided to take this afternoon!"

The rest of the draft was just as much of a struggle for Gary as he strained to cross names off of his printed sheets, find guys he wanted to draft on the paper, fighting with his iPad which wouldn't let him search for players, and looking for his two cats every 10 minutes to make sure they were in the house and not in the woods after somebody grabbed a beer. The whole performance was like watching a guy try to carry an entire drum kit up a flight of stairs in one trip.

Keep this in mind this season when Gary is demanding high picks for every single one of his players. Those picks will be absolutely burned like that flaming paper in 8th grade science class. Please don't waste everybody's time giving him picks.

But let's focus on the positive! Let's see which six teams are going to have a fine and fun season and find themselves in the playoffs!

(After, of course, we focus on the negative, starting with the teams that are sure to disappoint this season.)

REVERSE POWER RANKINGS HO!

BAD TEAMS



#13
WTTK?
That's correct. WTTK is ranked 13th out of 12 teams this season. It's that bad. Nobody wants to re-read The Saga of David Johnson, but consider this quick summary. McCamey was heading into 2017 with the #1 player in fantasy football and the #1 overall pick. This was, you would think, a good place to be. So he traded Johnson and that pick for Julio Jones and some spare parts, and then after the draft traded Jones for Joe Mixon. Joe Mixon, you may have noticed, would have been available with the #1 overall pick. McCamey could've had Johnson AND Mixon. Now he just has Mixon, who got the 3-year contract David Johnson apparently didn't deserve at first. And he'll need every one of those 3 years since Marvin Jones hates playing rookies. There's going to be a game this year when Mixon has 3 carries for 24 yards, then misses a blitz pick up and doesn't see the field again for 4 weeks.

Before the Johnson trade was official, I offered McCamey to trade entire franchises. All players, all picks. I offered him a perennial playoff core for a 3-11 team. He said no. He also refused to move Derrick Henry under any circumstances because he might be the starter "one day."


It's honestly hard to decide on McCamey's worst pick this year. Was it Bilal Powell in the 2nd round? The backup RB on a team that might only score 6 TDs this year is pretty bad. Was it Samaje Perine in the 3rd round? Selecting the Washington handcuff 3 rounds before the starter is pretty bad, especially when you cut Perine in camp. Was it Joe Williams in the 5th round now that the Niners have cut him?

WTTK is so bad this year that I'm starting to think McCamey is doing some bit that I'm just not picking up on. Somebody put all of his players in a list and see if it becomes an acrostic that spells out H-E-L-P-M-E.


#11
THE NIGHT BOYS
This team is real, real bad, though I do admire Barker's attempt to find out what happens if you start one team's whole offense in fantasy football. Gary should trade Brady to this team to complete the effect.

Burkhead and Cooks were awarded new contracts, and though Cooks is going to pretty expensive in 2019, there's no way Belichick brought a white tailback to New England to not feature him prominently. I'm looking forward to the headline that Burkhead's jersey is the new #1 seller in Boston this fall.

Brandon Marshall is somehow on this team every single year.


#10
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER
Say what you want, but I am dying for Tim to make the playoffs one year. I think it would be good for the health of the whole league. But it won't be this year. Tim's running backs are an overhyped rookie playing for a coach who famously doesn't use his backs enough, Atlanta's backup, and a sophomore playing for a terrible team after a rookie year breakout. If the man himself goes by Todd Gurley III, then Jordan Howard is Todd Gurley IV.

Stop me if you've heard this before, but Kelvin Benjamin is supposed to be good this year. DeAndre Hopkins can be a 1/X trade this year, but don't expect Tim to maximize leverage on that. Tom Savage will share some of the blame for that.

I'm not sure how much more I can say about a team that is boring bad. At least McCamey is exciting bad.


#9
ANIMAL HOUSE
It feels odd to say a team with the reigning MVP, a top 2 back, and a generational tight end will miss the playoffs, but beyond those 3 this entire roster is either washed-up vets or sexy rookies. McCaffrey will be good soon and he's on a nice contract, but he's still splitting time this year. Adrian Peterson, the most expensive player in the league, is extremely old and part of a three-man backfield.

If that's not enough contrast for you, the wide receivers are young Michael Thomas (a danger since everybody loves him this season), rookie Zay Jones, rookie John Ross, and extremely veteran Larry Fitzgerald.

Yes, Meyers has handcuffed Bell with Conner, so an injury there won't kill him, but if Gronk or Thomas or Ryan go down, this team is in severe trouble.

Fortunately, this team is just Bri's alter ego and his regular team is still pretty good.


#8
ASSTANNER
It's always hard to rank Chris because he basically has two different teams from September to December. Although, if we can hold fast on this, he'll have this team come December and he'll be about 3-9. Although although, I can't help but notice a few owners are already completely caving here.

I feel like a union leader trying to hold our shop together during a wildcat strike, but let me reiterate: Chris has won the last two seasons because he has discovered a market inefficiency. He knows that draft picks are highly overrated by everybody in the league, so he trades picks for players who will help him win now. Then in the following season, he does it again, building a team without any picks.

NOBODY wants to see Chris win three in a row. NOBODY should be trading with Chris at all this season.

Yes, I'm talking to you, GARY. Would you care to explain why you flat out gave away Darren McFadden when Zeke is still suspended for 6 weeks? You care so, so, so much about running backs, and yet you gave away a starting back on a good team behind the best line in the league before a single regular season snap? For a 5th round pick? You took Ted Ginn in the 5th round this year. Would you trade a starting back for Ted Ginn straight up? You don't think McFadden's value would've gone up if you could've waited until, say, Tuesday, after he had a good game and Chris scored 60 points?

Jesus Christ, people. This is really not that difficult.

And I'm ALREADY mad at whichever dope trades for Shady so that Chris can franchise Zeke without losing anything. Again, not that difficult to put other owners in a corner. I mean, we all voted to end college player pickups because it's Chris' bread and butter move. He'll be 4-10 this year if we just hold tight.

God, you all are going to blow this. I can see it coming a mile away. Why do you all suck so bad?


MIDDLE TEAMS




#7
LITTLE BABY JESUS
Semi brought a physical fantasy football magazine to the draft. Actual glossy pages. I was stunned when he didn't draft Shaun Alexander in the first year.

Nobody needs a magazine to tell them Rodgers to Jordy should be a winning combo this season, and while I'll admit that I had Tyreek Hill very high on my BIG BOARD (TM), we still need to see how he'll actually play out this season. Same with Marshawn, actually.

Jamaal Charles is closer to dead at this point, and Corey Davis is a rookie WR phenom struggling with hamstring issues in camp. So he'll either be Odell Beckham or Darrius Heyward-Bey this season.

This team has tons of potential to go in either direction. If everybody question mark player answers in the affirmative, Semi will post a lot of points each week. If guys don't show up or somebody key gets hurt, he's going to be in a lot of trouble.


#6
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS
Scott has wanted AJ Green for like 4 seasons now, and yet we have not been able to reach a deal. This summer, he offered me $40 cash and $2 in cap space for Green. I told him I was pretty sure Gary would reject that deal. I countered with AJ straight up for Melvin Gordon. He refused. Apparently, Melvin Gordon having 1 good season out of 2 was too important for Scott to pair AJ with AB.

So Scott could still desperately use another receiver to pair with Brown, but he steadfastly refuses to part with any of his backs. Not Fournette, a rookie on a bad team who will never be milking a 2nd half lead. Not Murray, who could snap a tendon at any moment. Not Gordon, who pulled a reverse Todd Gurley.

He would probably trade Matt Forte. If he could.

That said, Jameis, Brown, and 2 of his 3 backs each week should be enough to rack up plenty of wins. This team will have tons of firepower in the right weeks. Enough to get into the playoffs, but the team is just too thin to do real damage.


#5
THE NATIONAL RAZOR
This is Gary's kicker:



His name is Younghoe Koo and you need to remember that not just because he can do flip kicks, but because he only costs $0.25, and we're a week away from Gary offering him in a trade every other day until December.

"Guys. Guys! A cheap kicker! You know how valuable that is? I set up the rules to this league and I know cheap kickers are super valuable! Guys! Youngkoo Hoe is worth 5 straight 1st round picks. I won't consider trading him for anything less. Guys...why is nobody trading for my kicker?"

God, I'm already sick of it. I hope he tries a flip kick at the end of a 41-0 game and Roger Gooddell bans him for life.

Oh, speaking of trades and being in corners, Gary is going to try to trade Andrew Luck this year so he can franchise Devonta Freeman. Even though Luck has a bad shoulder, plays behind an offensive line that is going to shorten his career, and might miss between 4 and 10 games this season, Gary will not trade him for anything less than a 1st round pick. Don't you see how cheap he is for a QB?!? Don't you realize how valuable that is!?!? Even if he doesn't play a single game this year, he's so cheap.

Gary will be loooooooooathe to cut Luck at the freeze. Oh, he'll do it. He'll just hate it. Again, do not give Gary a free lifeline here. You are not getting Freeman. Gary thinks CJ Anderson is worth a 1st pick even though he gets hurt every year. Gary thinks all of his players are worth first round picks even though he can't remember who wants to draft in the first round.

Anyway, I might have Gary ranked too high. Scott might be a touch better. Garcon, Hilton, and Sanders will try to catch passes from Hoyer, Tolzien, and Siemian/Osweiler respectively. Gary will have several games this year in which Brady and Freeman combine for 60 points, and those 3 receivers combine for 10.


THE GOOD TEAMS





#4
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL
I originally had myself 4th because I am going to need a few players to pop correctly in order to have a really good season. But in looking more at Bri's team, he's in the same situation only with fewer lottery tickets.

I like Crowell, but we've heard coaches say they need to run the ball more and then not follow through. And I can tell you from experience that Crowell will have many games this season with 60 yards in the first half and 6 in the second half because Cleveland is losing 27-10. Gurley, why do we think he'll bounce back this season? Ajayi, why do we think he's good? Montgomery, is he really a workhorse back?

"Guys, did you know I have a starting kicker who only costs a quarter?!!?"

Get out of here, Gary. We talked about your team.

Cam should bounce back this season and Baldwin is great, but good look figuring out who to start between Crowder, Crabtree, and Wallace each week. Hell, how is he going to figure out which backs to start each week? Bri is absolutely going to have a couple of those games with 70 points in the starting lineup and 70 points on the bench. You can just imagine what his face will look like when that happens. It'll look the same as it does all of the other times anything at all happens to him.


#3
THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY
I'm not sure I'm actually the 3rd-best team this year. I have a bunch of lottery tickets that need to come through. But I damn sure can't see a world in which Gary or Scott are any better. So here I sit.

Since I make the playoffs every year, I end up picking 9th or 10th every year. So I go through the dregs of the available players and identify a couple of guys I'd be okay with taking the first (technically 4th round). This year, I got both guys I wanted, Martavis and Hyde. Of course, last year I also got both guys I wanted, Watkins and Moncrief, and that didn't work out so well.

Between Hyde, Kelley, and West, I do absolutely need one of these backs to step up and be useful each week, but I'm comfortable running the same 1-4 alignment that got me into the playoffs last year. Especially when the 4 WRs will be so dynamic. If there's even one week in which Green, Martavis, Jackson, and Cooper all pop off, I'll put up 150 points. And don't forget about a healthy Sammy Watkins, or the fact that Adam Thielen could catch 120 balls from the slot this year.

I will need the best receiving corps in the league to be there for me, too, since nobody in this league will ever trade a running back for a receiver.


#2
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS
I think it was only a couple of years ago when I put Larry in the top 3 in the preseason rankings, and he went on to shit the bed. Like, post-Mardi Gras passed out, bowels totally empty, how did it get on the walls, call an ambulance shit the bed. Maybe this year will be different.

Larry did a pretty good job of balancing selling out the future vs. landing David Johnson now, so kudos there. Evans has a chance to be the #1 receiver in the league this year, which is also good. And this is the year I really regret trading away Mariota and his $0.66 contract. Indy is going to suck, but Marlon Mack could be a late-season gem.


#1 
RUSSELLMANIA
Brian Barker might secretly be the biggest villain in this league. I can be a bit much from time to time, and Chris is a whole deal, but Brian? Whew. A bad sport, megalomaniacal, and a fatalist all at once. It's a lot.

But!

Credit to him for taking the several picks he had in a vacant draft and maneuvering himself into a good team. Odell and Julio will be a really tough 1-2 to deal with each week and they will totally be healthy all season long because ankle and toe injuries never, ever linger for fast-twitch, high-impact athletes. They're fine. Totally fine. Odell could play in Week 1, he's just choosing not to. He's fine.

Wilson should bounce back this year, and while Miller will continue to disappoint, Doug Martin could explode when he returns from suspension. Everybody is high on Tampa this year and I am definitely right in line. I think he drafted Pryor way too early, but as I showed with my Martavis pick, I'm a fan of grabbing the guy you want when it's your turn.

Wilson
Martin
Beckham
Jones
Pryor
Diggs

That's a really good starting lineup, there's no way around it. He is going to pummel some teams this season.

Which is why it's going to be so, so fun watching him wrap up the #1 seed, and then lose his first playoff game 131-128. The Cure will reunite to record a sad song about it. It's going to be amazing.