Here's more good news. Except for Brian Williams, who always loses in the playoffs, every team is 1-1 and still in the race. Even The Night Boys and WTTK?, who haven't scored as many points in 2 weeks as Bri did in Week 2. Plenty of reasons for folks to still be...
ANIMAL HOUSE 78.8 - THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 59.7 👍
I predicted a high-scoring loss for myself this week and ended up with a low-scoring loss, so...partial credit? Searching high and wide for silver linings, I guess I'm happy to see that Carlos Hyde is gonna be a real one in Kyle Shanahan's offense and I'm also way too happy that Martavis is back. I am, like, giddy that I have Martavis on my team and you don't see a guy run away from a corner and a safety on a red zone slant pass too often. Oh, also, I had never seen Ka'imi Fairbairn kick a ball before and he looked pretty solid on Thursday, so that's good.
As for the bad, I might be reaching the seven year itch with AJ. I'm just tired of having him. Maybe the new OC in Cincy will spice things up. When even I notice your play calling is terrible, it's time for the old guy to go. Rob Kelley hurt a rib, which probably has a negative effect on a banging running back, and Amari took this week off in a blowout.
Animal House got the win to be sure, but they didn't come out of this one flying high. Gronk caught a TD but also got hurt, Le'Veon is still struggling through his personal live games training camp, McCaffrey will be great to have one day but not today, Fitz and the Cards are a mess, the Saints are a mess, and the whole bench only had 5.5 points. Eddie Lacy was a scratch! Peterson, Lacy, and John Ross might all be cuttable. Not that there's anybody out there to replace them.
THE NATIONAL RAZOR 119.8 - SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 77.9 👍
More like...Youngnoe Good! More like...Younghoe Cut! I was literally writing that Gary needed to hurry up and try to trade this kid before it was too late, but he beat me to the punch by a few hours. But other than that, it was a great week for Gary. Brady went off as expected, Freeman looked great, T.Y. Hilton beat my 12 yards prediction with a whopping 49 yards (Wow!), and the surprisingly hot Trevor Siemian carried Cemmanuel Sandersons along for big games. Guys, Gary is really good at this! He knows exactly how to manage a team in this particular league and all of his players are great! Not sure why you all don't get that.
Ted Ginn won the called-off Allen Robinson trade this week by 2.4 points. Of course, Robinson had surgery this week and Ginn played, so...
Tim auto-drafted Jordan Howard, so who knows if he actually would've made the same pick if he showed up on time for the draft for the first time this decade. I'm again admitting that I have no idea how Gary prices these players even though there's a very convenient, easy-to-use formula within the league rules that only takes 15 steps and has 4 sets of parentheses. Point is, I have no idea how Jordan Howard cost $1.92 this year and at that price, on this Bears team, I wouldn't have even given him a camp invite. And now his shoulder is hurt.
Tim did draft Kareem Hunt on purpose, though, and boy oh boy was that some pick. Tim should franchise Hunt TODAY. After Hunt, the rest of this team...oo wee. McCamey can look down his nose at this team, that's how bad it is.
RUSSELLMANIA 72.2 - LITTLE BABY JESUS - 71.1 👎
Brian Barker is now 1-1 and his 2 games have been decided by a total of 1.9 points. That last pass to Julio was just what Barker needed to pull out the win. That and Jordy straining his quad in the first quarter.
Remember a few years ago when people raved about Tom Cable coaching up the collection of cast offs the Seahawks rolled out on their O line? Pete Carroll should probably take that clipping down from his office corkboard. This line and this offense is a serious problem and Russell Wilson is going to get killed back there no matter how much magic water he's drinking.
Terrelle Pryor had 3.1 points. He was a first round pick.
By the way, my suggestion to start Diggs over Thomas was automatically rendered moot once Bradford was ruled out. Just so you know. Though my prediction that Brian wouldn't listen to me was dead on.
Tyreek might be a little boom or bust. Basically a younger DeSean Jackson.
Man, Semi could've moved to 2-0 if Jordy didn't get hurt. Or if he had started Chris Carson, whom he now likes so much that he shot down a Terrence West for Carson trade this morning. Should've loved him that much on Saturday, buddy! Or if the Raiders didn't take the 2nd half off and gave up garbage time TDs to the Jets.
But he lost and he's 1-1 with Hogan, Jordy, Corey Davis, and Jimmy Graham all hurt, and an angry Dude team coming to town next week.
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 120.9 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 68.7 👍
Greg Olsen! ANOTHER guy Bri traded is now hurt. Bri is like some Black Widow wife. Like one of those nurses that secretly murders 78 people in a convalescent home. Do not trade with Bri unless you like seeing guys get hurt. Which...maybe that's your thing, you weirdo.
Crabtree caught 3 TDs, which was really fun for me as an Amari associate, Ty Montgomery is just running wild right now, Todd Gurley is back to hurdling people so maybe he's not washed yet, and even Ajayi was decent. Actually, if Bri started Kelce over Baldwin, not only would he have scored 130+, he would've posted 2 hurdle TDs, which is probably pretty rare.
This is already shaping up to be one of Bri's patented go 12-2 then score 71 points in the playoffs seasons. Even with Cam's shoulder preventing him from really throwing the ball.
When I said in the intro that every team except Bri is 1-1, I forgot that Scott is 0-2. It's easy to forget Scott's team. He plays Gary's history-altering franchise next week, so 0-3 is a really possibility, especially with DeMarco Murray's hamstring retiring early. Before the season, Scott said Melvin Gordon was his best player. So he either forgot that he had Antonio Brown or he was pretty surprised to watch Gordon get just 13 yards on 9 carries yesterday. Of course, thanks to a 1-yard TD scamper and a nice catch, Gordon actually outscored AB yesterday.
THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 80.5 - ASSTANNER 66.6 👎
Chris' outstanding collection of running backs combined for 12.9 points yesterday. That's a point less than the great Melvin Gordon. Buffalo's offense is terrible, Cook is going to have trouble until Bradford is back and who knows when that will be, and Zeke looked pretty tired yesterday.
I think Rod Marinelli would have graded this as a "loaf" for Ezekiel Elliott. pic.twitter.com/MC2QiYhBga— Marcus Mosher (@Marcus_Mosher) September 18, 2017
Thank you Carson Wentz for being the one lone Asstanner to have the courage to score double digit points.
Starting Kupp over Gore did not turn out to be a good suggestion on my side. Not a good week for me smarts-wise. Though I think I struggle in Week 2 every year. I take my preseason thoughts, overreact to Week 1, miss on Week 2, then settle in.
Oh right! I'm supposed to be talking about Larry here. Pardon me. Mike Evans was a beast yesterday and the Broncos defense is a lot of fun. I'm not quite sure how Mariota only put up 11 points in a 37-16 win, and I wouldn't be that excited about Tarik Cohen even with Howard out, but this was a fine win. All wins against Chris are fine.
WTTK? 74.5 - THE NIGHT BOYS 67.5 👎
So...McCamey backed into a favorable outcome in the David Johnson fiasco. He might be about to back into Derrick Henry being the starter for a hot offense. And he might back into some Joe Mixon stuff. I mean, the Bengals never, ever fire dumb coaches, but they sure moved fast on Ken Zampese. I guess 4 carries or whatever for Mixon combined with Gio Bernard running between the tackles 10 times inspired a change.
By the way, if you're thinking about buying low on Mixon, I can tell you that his price shot up this weekend after I asked about tried to trade for him. I'm like Warren Buffet. I ask about a company and the stock shoots up 10% on "rumors."
Double by the way, I wouldn't go thinking WTTK? is good just because they won this week. This Night Boys team really might be the worst team in the league. I know there's a fierce three-way battle for that title, but man. Palmer and the Cards are totally washed up, Rawls has lost his job behind a terrible line, Cooks somehow didn't score during his "revenge" game, and Dez blows. Some interesting stats I saw: In 2 games this year, Dez only has 9 catches on 25 targets. He's also the #1 WR who most suppressed by top corners. Dez is no Franchise Player; he's like a top-40 receiver at best.
Also by the way, I don't know why Barker thinks he needs to roster two defenses or why he thinks one of them should be the Jets, but they posted a -7 yesterday. Probably the new rules, but I think that's the lowest score I've ever seen. At least they were on the bench.
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