THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 77.8 - RUSSELLMANIA 77 👍 (Good pick)
This would be really good blocking if Russell Wilson was on the right side of the photo, but he's not and it's not.
I will admit, once Diggs caught that second TD, I pretty much resigned myself to losing. But then my whole team dug in, showed pride, and stopped Demaryius Thomas from catching one more 9-yard pass. Way to go, boys! Now I can be excited that Adam Thielen put up 157 yards and not upset that I left 21 additional points on the bench.
I could take the optimist or pessimist route with this game, and I always like optimist. Watkins only scored 5.8, but he was targeted early and often and the Rams are improved. Hyde only had 7.7, but he looked quick and strong in the new Shanahan offense. And Amari, who only had 5 TDs last year, saw 3 straight red zone passes after scoring an early TD. Sure, the Raiders had to settle for a FG after those 3 passes came up empty, but still.
Another thing I could either way on is Allen Robinson. Last week, Gary offered me Ted Ginn for AR because he needed a Week 5 bye replacement. I didn't love that straight up and told Gary to come back in a few weeks. Then AR went down for the year. But the upside is now I can freely dump his contract and move on.
Oh, speaking of the Jags, getting a top-5 DST for only $0.81? I've done it again! That defense is worth a 1st round pick in a trade. I might have to pull a Scott and give them a contract.
Pryor - 6.6
Jones - 6.6
Thomas - 6.7
Beckham - 0.0
Diggs - 21.5
Allen - 9.5
Yes, it's a good receiving court. No, Brian will never figure out the proper combo to start in any given week. Oh, also, Terrelle Pryor dropped a long pass in the end zone that would've won this game for Brian. Terrelle Pryor, who I thought was drafted way too high, lost this game for Brian. A real shame.
Brian Williams will have to check my accounting here, but since I beat Brian Barker by 0.8 points, I believe that means I am 80% better than he is.
THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 77.2 - THE NATIONAL RAZOR 63.5 👍
Gary texted me in a mild panic (by his standards) Sunday that the new defensive rules were going to break the league, as either defense would either have 20 points or -5. I had to ask him what the actual rule changes were since I didn't pay any attention after voting no. Gary never texted back to explain the changes.
This seems relevant since the Steelers' 17.5 points where Gary's only double-digit scorer. Even more relevant when we see that Gary still lost the DST matchup to Baltimore's 21 points.
CJ Anderson looked pretty sporty last night, but only put up 8.8 points. Actually, I thought Trevor Siemian looked really live last night, but Manny Sanders only had 2.6 points. Scott Tolzien was pulled and then after the game said it was the right decision! Don't players usually just demure when asked if they sucked? I don't think you're supposed to admit it. Anyway, 4.7 points for T.Y. Hilton will probably seem like a good game moving forward. Ted Ginn, on the bench, barely outscored Allen Robinson.
Oh, and Danny Woodhead got hurt.
Tom Brady has boned Gary in the last two games he played. Last year's Wild Card matchup when Brady carried me to a terrific and memorable win, and now this week when his disappointing and forgettable 8.9 points made Gary take that L.
Maybe he's rusty, but maybe he's still hurt. Cam was sailing some throws out there and missed one 1 wide open TD. Gurley did score a TD, but he doesn't look that fast to me. Crowell gave a classic performance, running nicely the few times he touched the ball, but not touching it enough because Cleveland was losing all day. Bri can just take this cheap win and move on.
THE NIGHT BOYS 54.4 - THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 53.4 👍
Barker won this game with 54.4 points. It took 3 goal line TDs from Gillislee and Johnson getting hurt, but he did it. This one single cheap win officially makes up for years of Barker scoring 99 points and losing. This is a gross, gross win. His bench only had 26 points. There is simply nothing on this team. If Barker goes 9-5 while facing the fewest points against, it's really going to be something.
During the David Johnson talks, which got as intense as the first SALT talks, it was always in the back of my mind that if I mortgaged the future to make a run this season, Johnson would probably get hurt. That's a painful loss for Larry. More painful as Marlon Mack doubling up Frank Gore from the bench? Yeah, probably. More painful than being ahead Monday night into Tuesday morning, then coming from ahead to lose when the Chargers scored a TD that wasn't to Tyrell Williams and then the Broncos not getting one more sack? Yeah, probably. Is Larry already mentally checked out on this season after a brief flash of excitement? Yeah, probably.
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 96.2 - TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 69.5 👍
I am happy for Tim and definitely happy that Scott lost, buuuuuuuuut Tim got 45% of his points from one player having an historically good rookie debut. So I'm not sure if this is something we can count on each week. I mean, right now Kareem Hunt literally has twice as many points as anybody else in the league. On the other hand, Brees will be better when not facing an excellent defense and Hopkins will get a boost from his fellow Clemson alumni, Deshaun Watson. I think Tim can be decent this year.
Scott will probably never start Eli again, but whoa. That was bad. Fournette was good, but we'll see if that lasts once teams realize Jacksonville only wants to run. DeMarco might be breaking down and not to get too into the Patriots D, but if this Cassius Marsh guy is going to get major minutes, they are in trouble. He is awful and he looks like he still wears Affliction t-shirts. He for sure has one of those NotW stickers on his car.
Scott, your team sucks and I'm done trying to help you out with trades. You're on your own from here.
ASSTANNER 81.3 - WTTK? 42.3 👍
My pick for this game was 82-50 which is pretty damn impressive except that I gave McCamey too much credit. This is just a brutally, brutally bad team. Will Lutz was his highest-scoring player with 13 points. When a kicker is your best player and this isn't fantasy futbol, you've got real problems. The only real positive for McCamey is that he managed to trade David Johnson before he broke his wrist. He did not, however, trade Derrick Henry before he put up 2.5 points. That was 0.1 better than Joe Mixon, who is a rookie playing behind an offensive line that gets caved in like a sandcastle. There is absolutely no way Marvin is going to put that kid out on a passing down so he can get Dalton killed.
Oh hey, would you look at that? It's another flukish, easy win for Chris. He already leads the league in points against! How does he manage to do it every year? What is his secret?
Wentz is improving and if all 3 backs are legally allowed to play all season, Chris is going to be pretty strong this year. His receivers are abysmal, though, and if any of you trade a WR to Chris, you are a terrible person and everything that's wrong with the league.
LITTLE BABY JESUS 68.6 - ANIMAL HOUSE 53.7 👎 (Bad pick)
My only lost pick of the week. 14.4 points will probably be one of Rodgers' worst games of the year, but Jordy was much better than expected with 13.9 points. But this was a complete schedule win for LBJ. Hard to get too excited about winning with only 68.6 points.
Bell only scoring 4.7 points can't be that much of a surprise after skipping camp, but if Gronk can be single-covered with a safety now, that's going to be interesting.
There is basically nothing to say about this game. Both of these teams were shitty but one of them has to win because them's the rules. Just trash. Oh wait! Here's one interesting thing to say. Animal House has literally 0 cap space and he's paying Adrian Peterson $2.51 to walk up and down the sidelines like he's serving drinks.
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