Anyway, every game had at least one player involved in Monday Night Football, with 3 games being decided by the Chiefs and Washingtons. Two of them weren't decided until the fourth quarter, though the Chiefs' all-time great backdoor cover on the last play of the game wasn't a factor in Chris' big win.
WTTK? 72.7 - THE DUDE HAS GOT NO MERCY 67 👎
Last week, I ticked off 5-6 funny reasons that I lost. This week, there's only one. Bilal Powell had a seemingly normal run in the Jets game, lost his feet and went down. But none of the Jaguars touched him, so he got up and ran 50 more yards for a TD. That was worth an extra 11 points to WTTK?. I lost this week because nobody on my own defense bothered to touch a ball carrier on the ground.
I realize this will sound like excuse making after the fact, but I really did not like my team after the draft. But wait, you say, you ranked yourself 3rd in the preseason preview. That's true, but more because I hated all of your teams. I knew I put together a boom or bust team with these receivers, they just haven't boomed yet.
Here's a great way to sum up my season so far. After Robinson got hurt, I put in for 3 players on the waiver wire. I didn't get any of them. On Wednesday, I put in for Chris Carson on the FA list and Semi beat me by an hour. I ended up settling for Jamaal Williams, figuring Ty Montgomery would get hurt at some point and I'd be sitting pretty. I was right...for about 20 minutes.
So, fine. I have no problem with punting until 2018. I could use a mental break from caring about a team anyway. The only good news is I have the #1 waiver spot this week. I can spend the rest of my season grabbing waiver players to trade them like a World of Warcraft gold miner. Just sitting in a darkened cubicle surrounded by empty pounder cans of Monster Energy, eyes bleary as I pore over free agent playoff matchups.
On the other hand...I could easily be 4-0. If I had just kept AJ, I would be 3-1. Hell, I could still sneak into the playoffs.
Rivers finally had a nice game, but Thielen, Watkins, and DeSean were all busts. I still am not sure how Howard and Cohen could absolutely destroy the Steelers D, but Buck Allen doesn't catch a pass until the second half. I don't understand any NFL team through the first 4 weeks.
The only good part of last night's game is that I knew I was going to lose as soon a Pryor caught that first TD, so at least it was over early for me. The great Joe Mixon finally got a bunch of carries and responded with 29 yards in a 31-7 win. Mohamed Sanu got hurt during the game and Davante Adams almost got killed during his game, but none of that mattered because of Bilal Powell, The Man Who Wasn't Touched Down.
McCamey has a better record than me with 50 fewer points scored, which is cool and fun.
ASSTANNER 95.2 - THE NATIONAL RAZOR 65.7 👍
Chris is looking good right so far, but Dalvin Cook is now gone for the season (and his contract is expiring) and Zeke goes back to court this week to find out if his suspension will be upheld or kicked to next season. Plus, if Chris is making a good run at the deadline, he'll need to keep Shady as an FP, which means he loses Zeke next season.
Focusing on the now, Zeke had a huge game this week, Cook put up points before blowing out his knee, AJ had another TD, and Shady and Wentz were serviceable enough.
As predicted, Garcon and Hilton were terrible starts. I mean, you KNOW Hilton wasn't going to do anything against Seattle. Why not start Cobb or Ginn and hope to get lucky. Not that it mattered anyway. Freeman scored a TD to save his week, but...maybe the Bills D is actually good? Is that possible? Can that be?
What else can I say? I don't want to cut this review so short, but a team with good matchups blew out a team with bad matchups. That's pretty much it.
RUSSELLMANIA 111.8 - THAT KANGAROO STOLE MY BALL 76.3 👍
Two down weeks in a row for Brian Williams now. Hey, look, if I manage to beat him this week, we're both 2-3 and that would be pretty interesting. Does Bri throw in the towel or just ride it out? But let's save that for when the time comes.
Bri's starting QB put up 11 points this week. His 2 bench QBs each broke 30. The silver lining is that didn't matter in the end result and maybe Cam propped up his value just long enough for Bri to move him. Ajayi's knee is a problem, the Dolphins' offense is terrible, and Jay Cutler just could not care less.
Jay Cutler had zero interest in pretending to be a wide receiver in this wildcat set pic.twitter.com/gaoYyqFXpg— Eric Fawcett (@Efawcett7) October 1, 2017
Ty Montgomery has multiple broken ribs and is worried about damaging internal organs if he returns too quickly, which seems...fair? Crabtree is hurt. Crowell is less than worthless. Mike Wallace is...I mean, would you start Mike Wallace every week? Baldwin and Kelce are good, but this Kangaroo season is spinning out of control.
Great game for Russell, the team and the player. I am not fooled by Lamar Miller's 2 TDs. He still sucks, but those TDs sure were useful this week. First round pick Terrelle Pryor finally scored a TD, but he was on the bench. The Seahawks DST had TWO touchdowns as they ran it up on the Colts. Diggs and Allen had very solid games just on yards.
The only spot of concern for Barker here is the health of Odell and Julio. Odell dislocated his finger at one point and they popped it back in on the sideline. On a later tackle, he clutched his ankle right away. That ankle is going to be a problem for him all season long and Barker will never know when he'll just miss 3 quarters in a game.
Julio came into this one with a back issue and left early with a hip issue. Seems...sub-optimal.
I think we all know already that Brian Barker might make the playoffs this year, but will absolutely lose because Odell or Julio or both will be hurt. Fun!
SIGMUND AND THE SEAMONSTER 81.8 - THE WHITECHAPEL RIPPERS 68.7 👍
If you look back through the History section of the league site, there is archival evidence that Tim once had good teams. Like, decades ago. Looking through that and seeing that Tim holds the record for most points scored in a season (2004), or highest per game average (2006), or highest winning percentage (2006), most wins (2006), and a league title (2006). In 2006, he also became one of 3 owners to ever post a perfect 36 in the Breakdown. (The others are me and The Home Wreckers, whoever that is)
Trying to figure out who Tim had on that team (Larry Johnson? Tomlinson?) makes me feel like an archaeologist deep in the jungle primeval. Look! They used to eat burritos in this society!
Point is, MAYBE THIS IS TIM'S YEAR! I, for one, am going to enjoy the ride. And Tim would really enjoy the ride if he moved a #1 pick next year for Carlos Hyde.
Tevin Coleman put up 144 yards, which is absolutely bizarre to me. The backup RB, in a tight, relatively low-scoring game, did as well as Freeman did without a TD. Howard had a TD. Hunt had his "worst" game of the season with 12 points. The starting WRs combined for 5.8 points while Hopkins and Benjamin combined for 27.1 points on the bench and Tim still won.
Trump winning the Presidency has clearly opened some portal to an alternate universe in which the impossible has become possible. And while Trump is (un?)knowingly ending the American empire, it remains to be seen whether Title Tim will end the AFFL.
Larry lost Mariota to an injury - again - and now has to rely on a QB who legitimately does not want to be there. Tyrell Williams finally had a good game, but he was on the bench. The Ripper team, they're 2-2. But look at them. Look at this lineup. Teams like this are why I think I'm not yet dead at 1-3. Nobody is good this year. Everybody is extremely susceptible to a key injury. It's wiiiiide open.
PS, my prediction for this game was SS 78 - TWR 68. Not. Too. Shabby.
TIMMY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS 75.1 - LITTLE BABY JESUS 74 👎
Oh man. How did Tyreek Hill not get loose for just 12 more yards? Or if Chris Carson didn't break his ankle, Semi could've won this game. Why did you do that, Chris? Don't they teach rookie to not break their ankles?
Usually in these close games, we can have a lot of fun looking at the loser's bench and figuring out where he went wrong. We don't get to do that here because nobody on Semi's bench did anything. Somehow cornering the senior citizen's market at RB isn't working out for LBJ. Stewart, Lynch, Charles...all useless.
Jameis finally showed up for a game and Fournette continues to run hard, but Gordon continues to be useless, as does DeMarco Murray. AB only posted 3.4 this week and it'll be interesting to see what happens when he goes up against Jalen Ramsey this week. The Patriots DST, maybe the worst defense in the entire league, managed 0.5 points this week, staying out of negative territory, which would've cost Scott this game. Great work!
ANIMAL HOUSE 90.4 - THE NIGHT BOYS 74 👍
The Texans DST put up 21.5 on Barker's bench, not that it mattered in the this game. It's just that I'm staring at his bench in shock, looking at Thomas Rawls, Rex Burkhead, and Kenny Golladay all putting up zeroes. I'm also enjoying the little quirk that both of these have a guy whose first initial is Z and nearly scored Z-ero this week. 1 point for Zane Gonzalez, 1.8 for Zay Jones.
Devin Funchess had two TDs, believe it or not, and is already the best Night Boys receiver. Definitely better than stinky ol' Dez, who stinks. The Pats were not tackled on the 1-yard line, apparently, so Mike Gillislee was useless this week. Chris Thompson somehow did not repeat his unsustainable TD numbers, although I will say that he is very fast and probably Washington's best bet in the backfield.
Speaking of backfields, Le'Veon finally broke out with 30 points, which is good because nobody else on Animal House did much of anything. Thomas and Fitz had a TD each, but only average games beyond that. I can't believe Matt Ryan only posted 7.8 at home against Buffalo. Again, maybe they're kinda good? Can that be right? Doesn't feel right.
Hey, here's a small quirk. Take away Bell's 30 points this week - injury, shut out, whatever - and both of these teams are 2-2 with the same PF. Fun with numbers!
No comments:
Post a Comment